DP wanted to throw an unopened gift from me in the bin..

[FrequentNCer1]

My partner is partial to spicy food. One of the smaller gifts I got him for Christmas was a hot sauce gift set consisting of lots of different sauces. Not cheap shit either.

He thanked me and put them ontop of the kitchen cupboards where they remained untouched until today when we were painting the walls. I was throwing old some old rubbish in the bin and he hands me the gift set and says "here darling, they can go aswell"

I asked if he was being serious and he said yes. I said that was a hurtful as I'd just bought them for him and he hasn't even bothered to try them. He replied he couldn't 'because of his tooth' which he has a problem with. Said dental issue hasn't stopped him ordering spicy food from the Chinese though. I said he was being quite rude and he said he didn't mean to be (he genuinely didn't see the problem)

I said if he didn't want them then I'd just use them myself because it's such a waste to throw it away unopened.

This then prompted me to think of other gifts I'd gotten him which he has never bothered with. A new game that was popular at the time that he supposedly wanted. Another thing was an electrical gaming accessory that he was telling me was such a great thing in the weeks before I bought it for him. It sits in the wardrobe unopened (he's a gamer so these arent things unrelated to his hobbies or interests)

I got his children some lovely presents for Christmas and didn't scrimp in the process, everything was in line with their interests - I was made to feel like I shouldn't have bothered. Totally ungrateful. It's obvious where they get that from isn't it?

Am I being unreasonable to feel a bit hurt?

Good job he is a partner not a husband

YANBU. I’d stop buying gifts for them. If the hot sauce were a one off, it wouldn’t be an issue for me as can’t get a gift right every time. But you’ve noticed a pattern of all your gifts being rejected, and no one is that bad at picking gifts and so it has to be something wrong with him and his kids(or how he raised them).

He does sound rather ungrateful. However men in particular are hard to buy for. We don't usually do surprises as such .maybe at Xmas or birthday, go for a nice day of shopping together and lunch .if you see anything that you like he buys it for you an vice versa.my friend gave me this idea .works well for us!
¥30

Yanbu at all. (But yabu to use 'gotten'.)

Just a thought, could it be that he's really not bothered about gifts?

I'm not bothered about gifts - either receiving or giving whereas I have a dear, dear friend who would spend her last farthing on a gift for someone else.

Don't waste any more of your hard earned cash on gifts for folk who don't appreciate them.

There's one thing not wanting a gift and getting rid of it on the quiet, but asking the giver to throw it in the bin is another thing entirely. Totally thoughtless and insensitive. He would be getting naff all from me in future.

Another one just came to mind.. one of those square zippo lighters with a portrait of his (along wkth our) children on it. It was engraved beautifully. A really nice personal gift.

I haven't seen him use it once. He just keeps buying crap disposables from the corner shop.

I bought him a winter coat last year, he said after a while it was letting water in. Fair enough. Stop wearing it and replace it. Don't keep going on about how shit it is.

A chain bracelet engraved with 'dad' - he has probably worn it once. I bought it for him as he had one from his ex (from their kids) which he wore all of the time but it broke. I knew it meant alot to him so got him a new one. Doesn't bother with it.

It's definitely a theme. I can't believe it has taken me this long to cotton on and take offence.

I won't be buying anything for him again.

Don't buy him any more gifts.

Eeek 😁

My husband is like this. I tell him to specifically pick his own present now and only buy him small additions like a nice beer in addition.

YANBU. Don't get him anything again.
My DH is a fussy whatsit, so I always attach the receipt in an envelope when I give him a present. Then it's up to him if he wants to return it

I wonder why this is? There must be something behind it. I disagree with op that he’s not bothered about gifts in general, that doesn’t make sense. It’s not like you’re buying them the same one every time which he doesn’t like, you’ve bought him a wide variety of things that you’ve obviously put thought into, and he’s rejected them all. Have you pointed this out to him?

Ungrateful git! I would love a hot sauce gift set!

All of the things mentioned were for his birthdays/christmas/fathers day. It didn't feel right not to buy for him as he always said how he never received any presents from his family when he was growing up etc. Nothing for birthdays and nothing for Christmas.

Perhaps they all realised he was an ungrateful shit themselves and stopped buying for him 😂

Oh yes. I bought DP an artsy map I thought he might like to unfold and put in a frame. He spilled water on it then just said "it'll have to go in the recycling" as if it was a bit of junk mail. Still get annoyed about it now!

I haven't no. I probably should have whilst we were discussing the hot sauces but I didn't really put it all together until the conversation had ended. Do you think I should raise it again citing all of the other gifts, or would that seem argumentative?

I think he's going to accuse me of looking for an argument because I have PMS (in all fairness I do have really bad PMS but that's nothing to do with this)

Maybe he’s just not sentimental? I’m the same really, I dislike any kind of ‘gift sets’ and tend to forget about them for months and they end up getting chucked out.

In future just buy him something edible and if he’s not touched it after a couple of weeks, have it yourself. Ungrateful git.

What's his upbringing like?

My DH was quite weird around gifts and favours because of his mother. He's a lot better now since our marriage went through a rough time and we had counselling and this came up as one of the behaviours that I struggled with. What it boiled down to was that if he liked something that I gave him or acknowledged that I had done him a favour he felt that it gave me the upper hand because that's how his mother behaves. She will do a favour (sometimes force a favour onto someone who doesn't necessarily want or need it) and she remembers every single one and calls them in when it suits her. So if I gave him something or did something for him he couldn't just say 'thanks' and enjoy it, he had to tell me that it wasn't good enough or wasn't needed or he didn't like it to protect himself, even though I don't think or behave anything like his mother.

YANBU. I wouldn't buy him anything ever again. I would tell him to buy his own gifts.

Just thought of another one.. a marvel character controller holder (he likes marvel and gaming so it made sense)

He doesn't use that either. He just puts his controller in the drawer.

I would actually prefer he tells me he doesn't want it upon opening it so he can swap it for something else or I can get my money back.

It honestly baffles me. Everything I buy is in line with his tastes and hobbies.

His childhood was fine from what I know, apart from the fact he says he never got presents due to money being tight. Money isn't tight now and he always buys me things so it's not a case of worrying about finances.

My husband is like this, has been all his life. It’s my Dd who gets hurt the most. She always buys us really thoughtful presents and I know she puts a lot of effort into things. I make an effort to use her things to me, he doesn’t.

Now he makes a wish list (on Amazon or similar) and she and I choose something from that.

PMS is a bugger! I'd let it rest for a couple of weeks because now is NOT the time!
Do you feel taken for granted in general, or is it just presents he's thoughtless about? Is he appreciative about other things you do because you love him?
Do you love him?

Stop buying him stuff, he doesn't want it!!!

I'm not sentimental. I don't like 'gift sets', I don't like novelty items.

I'm not grateful that people buy me things I don't like or want.

You sound like you're buying things you want to get for him. Stop it and see if he notices!

Bless her, that's sad.

I can see that being the case with my DD too later on down the line. She's only 3 at the minute but gets so much joy from giving us things (pictures, flowers she has picked etc)

Have you ever raised it with him? What does he say?