Is this rude?

[Ritascornershop]

My family is staying with me. They eat meat at every meal, I’m vegetarian. I said it’s fine that they cook meat (though the smell really bothers me but I act like it’s fine). Last night I made dinner for us with veggie “meat”. My son-in-law, who is a wonderful person, ate everything but the protein. And then went out and ordered a meat pizza.

He just doesn’t like the taste of fake meat (whereas I don’t eat meat for ethical reasons). I was taught to eat what’s in front of you. My mum was a terrible cook but I had to eat her food 3 times a day for 18 years. I’m a pretty good cook, I’ve taught cooking, took cooking classes for years, I have a real interest in it. Should he have eaten the whole curry?

I’m glad my daughter married him, just wondering if thinking on this has changed. I ate a lot of my mother-in-law’s good that I found pretty weird (crisps crumbled on top of spag bog was one) as I didn’t want to offend.

I wouldn't say it was rude, but it is unfeeling. I would have preferred him to tell me he was going to order a pizza before I'd made the curry.

And to meat eaters, fake meat is just awful. Awful in it's own right, and awful because it's nothing like meat.

It is not rude at all, eating something because someone else wants you to is an unhealthy mindset. Food is a personal topic and choice for each individual.

I think it was extremely rude that he went out and ordered a pizza.

I have sympathy with not wishing to clear a plate of something you're really not enjoying and I don't think it's fair to compare crumbled crisps with Quorn.

You can argue the toss both ways in terms of manners. Was he rude as a guest not to eat something served or were you rude as a host to serve something he wouldn't like?

Given you're so closely related, can't you have an open chat about what will work for you all? Plenty of meat eaters are happy to eat veggie meals but just not meat substitute.

You prepared a meal and it wasn't enough to satisfy his hunger as he didn't like the main ingredient and left it so he spent his own money to supplement the food.

What is wrong with that?

Sorry but no I would not eat food I don't like for manners. People have a lot more sense these days. If I eat fake meat I spend days in pain and upset stomach so no not going to please someone.

I think the pizza was a bit rude but I'm not with the 'I ate some awful stuff so he should too' mentality - I'd switch it up and see it as something you endured but don't think anyone else should!

YABU

He doesn’t like the taste of fake meat, it’s nothing to do with your cooking. However because you were forced/felt you had to eat other meals you didn’t like you think everyone should do the same. That isn’t being a great host as much as he has perhaps been an unthoughtful guest not telling you he would order pizza.

If he’s generally a nice person as you say he is I think this is getting blown out of portion.

Yes it was rude, but possibly the lesser crime considering how awful artificial meat is. A vegetable curry would have been more appealing I think.

I don't think it's rude. I would just ignore it. He was still hungry for whatever reason and ordered himself some food. Why or what doesn't really matter (if you don't mind having meat in your house). The fact he left the fake meat and ordered a meat pizza is irrelevant.

I think given you know he doesn't like fake meat you should just cook vegetarian meals that don't feature that, there are plenty of them. THEN I would see it as a bit rude to go out and buy a takeaway. I don't have much patience for adults who just can't cope with meals without meat, but to centre it around a specific ingredient he doesn't like, this was bound to happen.

A bit rude, yes but if I were making a curry for non- vegetarians to eat I’d just do a vegetable curry rather than fake meat.

I’m not a fan of fake meat either and would much prefer it with fresh veg. In fact, I often order a vegetable curry from the Indian takeaway as I don’t miss having meat in a curry.

I suppose the question is if you went somewhere and they served up food you didn’t like (or served you meat) would you feel like you had to go hungry rather than sort yourself an alternative?

Honestly I think if you knew he didn't like fake meat you were the rude on to serve it up. There are so many veggie dishes you can make without fake meat that cooking something you know someone doesn't like then expecting them to eat it seems a bit bonkers.

You can't force or expect someone to eat something they don't like the taste of

Honestly I think it's quite rude forcing people to eat food they don't like.
Whenever I make dinner for someone I tell them to please leave it if they don't like it.

Ordering the pizza may have been a bit rude, however, as you've said he ate it all except the fake meat I'm thinking he would probably still have been hungry later on anyway regardless of if he ate it.

I hate the texture of fake meat, I don't personally see the point of it. I'm not a big meat eater and the majority of my meals are veggie just as I like the taste but I would much rather use lentils/chickpeas/beans etc for protein and to add filling than a fake meat

It’s not your cooking he doesn’t like, it’s the fake meat. He can choose what he wants to eat. You can’t compare your childhood to this scenario, as this is not a mother/child relationship. He is your guest.

Fake meat is pretty horrible to meat eaters. A vegetable curry (which is how curries were originally made) would have been a better option here.

The pizza issue was unfortunate...bit rude but understandable.

Meh. I'm a meat-eater and I'd have eaten it. I have no issues with Quorn or anything, even if a PP says we all find it awful.

He ate everything else OP so no he wasn’t rude in my opinion. What he could eat wasn’t enough so he needed something else to satisfy his hunger that is all. I understand you put a lot of effort in and it’s frustrating but you can’t change others, likewise they shouldn’t be trying to change you. It would have been rude if he’d pushed his plate away without eating anything and then ordered a pizza instead. He did eat what he could though, he tried.

I'm confused by posters saying he wasn't rude to not eat the full meal prepared, but was rude to order a pizza. If you agree he didn't have to eat the curry the way I see it he had 3 options

1. Stay hungry


2. Ask OP to arrange something else


3. Sort himself out

To me number 3 seems the most polite option without suffering!

As someone who considers themselvs a meateater but will happily eat most vegitarian meals - I can't stand the fake meat stuff either!

The taste and texture of quorn is absolutely vile. No way would I eat it either.

But that’s because it’s something I don’t like - not because it’s vegetarian! I’d feel exactly the same if someone served me liver and onions or anything else equally as horrible and there’s no way I’d scarf it down just to be polite.

I do sympathise with him though. I wouldn't be able to eat something based around mushrooms as they are vile to me and truly make me gag. I could eat the fake meat though, no issues there. I couldn't eat salad tomatoes, if I tried I would likely gag and need to spit out. Repulsive things.

Fake meat is often heavily processed. I'm fine with eating foods that simply omit meat but I would be very reluctant to eat fake meat - it's simply not what humans are designed to eat.

I don't think it was rude.

I couldn't eat something I didn't like and if I was hungry I would have gone for something else.

YABU.

Eating what's in front of you even if you dislike it is just silly and leads to disordered eating IMO.

Of course I didn’t know he didn’t like fake meat! I wouldn’t have purposefully made anyone food I knew they didn’t like.

As to it being heavily processed, they eat a lot of frozen meals, chicken fingers etc.so that wasn’t his issue.

it does seem that thinking is different now, based on replies. I’m not cross about it, just surprised and a bit offended, but am taking on board that he did what apparently is normal now.