Is this rude?

[Ritascornershop]

My family is staying with me. They eat meat at every meal, I’m vegetarian. I said it’s fine that they cook meat (though the smell really bothers me but I act like it’s fine). Last night I made dinner for us with veggie “meat”. My son-in-law, who is a wonderful person, ate everything but the protein. And then went out and ordered a meat pizza.

He just doesn’t like the taste of fake meat (whereas I don’t eat meat for ethical reasons). I was taught to eat what’s in front of you. My mum was a terrible cook but I had to eat her food 3 times a day for 18 years. I’m a pretty good cook, I’ve taught cooking, took cooking classes for years, I have a real interest in it. Should he have eaten the whole curry?

I’m glad my daughter married him, just wondering if thinking on this has changed. I ate a lot of my mother-in-law’s good that I found pretty weird (crisps crumbled on top of spag bog was one) as I didn’t want to offend.

Maybe a bit rude to order a pizza or cook meat in a vegetarians home. But to me, as a host, you should check what your cooking is going to be ok for your guests

OP I am glad you found this out now before they have children (sorry assuming they don't have children yet) as the whole eat what's in front of you and forcing an individual person to eat something that they don't like is abusive controlling behaviour. It is perfectly normal for people not to like certain foods and it's perfectly normal for them not to eat it. People and children are allowed autonomy over there own bodies and life.

Your responses to this thread actually make me feel like you are oblivious to this and that's really scary.

I wouldn't have been able to eat it either tbh. Fake meat tastes vile and I'm not that keen on most veg either. The taste makes me gag.

I'd probably have picked at what I could stomach then claimed a headache and gone to McDonald's if hungry. Wouldn't have ordered a pizza to your house though, that is really rude. He should have just made an excuse and left early.

No way would I eat fake meat. I don’t like what it’s made of I shouldn’t have to eat it because someone chooses to be vegetarian

@Noglassjustthebottleandastraw 🙄

I'm probably a similar age to OP as I was also brought up to eat everything on the plate.

That included fat and gristle which made me gag.

Todays equivalent is tofu.

So, no I wouldn't expect him to eat it, and I don't force feed my children stuff they genuinely cannot stomach.

Nothing would make me eat fake meat TBH, I am not one for eating things out of politeness either really and I don't expect my kids to if it is something they really don't like.
Not sure I would have ordered a pizza though, I might have eaten your fruit bowl instead possibly.

Not at all rude. If I were in his position I would have said something like, ‘ I’m so sorry, you’re a wonderful cook but I just am not into X so if it’s ok I will leave it, thank you for the lovely dinner’.

I always tell my kids to listen to their body, and don’t force themselves to eat anything they don’t want to. But they do need to be polite about it.

I don't force my kids to eat everything on the plate like I was taught to do. Leaving a particular veg quietly on the side of the plate is ok in my book.

However it was very rude of him to order the pizza. It would be been better to nip out for some evening snacks to share.

I do think the people that are saying it's the ordering of the pizza that was rude not the leaving of the tofu, are right - getting a takeaway does draw attention to the situation and a pizza is a whole meal in itself which kind of implies OP had provided nothing at all for him which isn't right, he'd eaten the other elements just not the protein part, so he shouldn't have needed a whole extra meal to not starve, he wouldn't have wasted away before the morning on a piece of toast or a yoghurt or sandwich or something and given he was staying in the house as a family member he could def have fetched that discreetly later in the evening without drawing attention to it (totally different if it was a dinner party situation when it absolutely would have been weird for a guest to go to the host's kitchen and start helping themselves to extra food, but then he could have just got himself something on the way home in that scenario).

I think today's etiquette on unwanted meals in other people's homes has shifted a bit since my youth, in the past I do think 'force it down' was more expected (I gave myself food poisoning once by forcing down undercooked pork to avoid giving offence, that def was going too far ) - now I think it's more normal to eat it if it's something you simply don't prefer/not to your taste, but if you truly dislike it or are allergic or whatever to push it around a bit, make polite noises about it being lovely but you're just not very hungry right now if asked about it and then quietly get yourself something else if still hungry later on, if at all possible without your host noticing as it's still rude to imply their food/cooking wasn't nice even if it was obviously horrible (which it sounds like yours wasn't) - it's the last part he's failed on IMO!

What would you have done if he served you meat? What should any adult do? Politely decline and cater for themselves, I’d have thought. You tried (and that’s thoughtful) but he didn’t like it. It’s not you he doesn’t like. Maybe more discussions in advance about meals to help with waste etc.

I think most people have (thankfully) moved on from the old tradition of having to eat everything on your plate, including stuff you really don't like. That really isn't something to look back on fondly!

No, but the point is you just assumed and didn't check, which is pretty damn rude IMO.

I think some people are getting a bit tangled up on the specifics of the protein. I didn’t want to lie about it, but if I’d said I cooked chicken curry and he dislikes chicken but loves beef, pork, lamb, and fake meat, then some of the anti-fake meat sentiment wouldn’t weigh in.

I guess to me every meal I eat does not have to be amazing. I often have muesli in the morning (I don’t bother to make my own anymore but do add seeds and fruit) as while I don’t love it, it is healthy and easy and quick and helps me stay a healthy weight (as my toasty preference was making me gain weight). So I even have myself eat stuff I don’t love and somehow I survive the experience.

Eeksteek, that’s completely different as his is a taste preference whereas mine is an ethical one. I liked the taste of meat decades ago when I stopped eating it (I’ve since lost the taste for it).

They had been cooking for themselves and I wanted to give them a night off and share a meal.

It’s not different at ALL.
Why are your ethics more important than his taste? You’re massively unreasonable.

A guest in your house was left so hungry they ordered a takeaway. I’d be mortified, not judging them.

If I really disliked pork and someone made a pork curry, I’d leave the pork.
The fact is that he disliked an element of the dish, so he didn’t eat it. You’d rather he ate it to spare your feelings, therefore putting your comfort/happiness above his. He put his own comfort/happiness first, and that’s why you’re offended.
If he’d have eaten it, you’d have presumed he liked it, wouldn’t you? So at some point in the long visit or future visits, served it again? Therefore creating a precedent of him having to eat something he dislikes. Surely better to be honest?

but @Ritascornershop how do you know he "just didn't love it" rather than having a strongly aversion? Especially given it's tofu which is famous for its weird texture.

OP it's not about "not loving" it.

Fat, gristle and kidney make me physically gag. Wild horses wouldn't make me eat that.

Whereas the meat you get on a pizza is usually much higher quality... 😉

It doesn't matter what you was taught, people are brought up differently. I'm sure he wouldn't have done it to insult you since you describe him as a wonderful person. I wouldn't give it a second thought and I'm veggie too.

Getting the pizza does appear a little off. Perhaps it might have been better if he had acknowledged it and said something to you about your meal being lovely, however he is still hungry and fancies a pizza. If it was acknowledged, I think it would have probably looked better.

Re your reply to what a previous poster said, about what would you do if you were served meat, It is neither here nor there whether it is an ethical decision or a taste preference. The point is, you wouldn't eat meat if you were served it so why would you expect someone to eat something they didn't like? If you would, then you should eat meat if served it, it is no different.

Fake meat is disgusting and I wouldn't eat it. I'd try to be discrete about it though and if I was still hungry after the meal I'd try to get something else without making a big thing out of it.

I find it quite amusing that as a vegetarian you think everyone else should eat what's presented to them. Doesn't quite work like that. As a child DS had very strong likes and dislikes so I told him when he went to someone's house and they made him a dinner if he didn't like it, he was to say that it looked delicious but he was quite full or not that hungry. Obviously the DPs would see that for the lie it is, but I wouldn't eat the few things that make me gag ( baked beans ugh) so I wouldn't force someone else to.

I think it's rude. I think he should have left the fake meat (apologetically but assured you the rice and sauce was lovely), eaten the rice (I assume you had rice) and curry sauce/veg, had pudding/fruit/yoghurt if there was any and maybe quietly made bread/toast/cheese sandwich later. He's an adult, he isn't going to die without the protein element for one evening. Ordering a pizza just seems so full on.