Is this rude?

[Ritascornershop]

My family is staying with me. They eat meat at every meal, I’m vegetarian. I said it’s fine that they cook meat (though the smell really bothers me but I act like it’s fine). Last night I made dinner for us with veggie “meat”. My son-in-law, who is a wonderful person, ate everything but the protein. And then went out and ordered a meat pizza.

He just doesn’t like the taste of fake meat (whereas I don’t eat meat for ethical reasons). I was taught to eat what’s in front of you. My mum was a terrible cook but I had to eat her food 3 times a day for 18 years. I’m a pretty good cook, I’ve taught cooking, took cooking classes for years, I have a real interest in it. Should he have eaten the whole curry?

I’m glad my daughter married him, just wondering if thinking on this has changed. I ate a lot of my mother-in-law’s good that I found pretty weird (crisps crumbled on top of spag bog was one) as I didn’t want to offend.

I don't think it's a hard and fast rule exactly but I do think ordering a pizza drew more attention to the situation than was necessary. He could have made himself a sandwich or a piece of toast and it wouldn't have come across as as much of a statement.

Wouldn’t it be courteous to check with your guests that they like the food that you were intending to serve? I would have.

Well, no, not to me @Minfilia It wouldn’t occur to me as a guest to have a host check with me as it’s not a restaurant.

And the fake meat isn’t Quorn btw, it’s tofu based.

am taking on board that he did what apparently is normal now.
it never was normal to force children or adults to eat everything on their plate even if they despised it. It may have been normal in your household but that’s how eating disorders / food issues develop.

He could have made himself a sandwich or a piece of toast and it wouldn't have come across as as much of a statement.
if he ate an entire pizza after sifting through OPs curry he probably wasn’t going to be satiated with a slice of toast.

Tell them to book a hotel next time they wish to visit you

I wouldn't expect a member of my family to force down food they hated. Why would I want to make them eat a meal I knew they didn't like?!

Everyone else ate the fake meat. Your son-in-law declined because he really doesn't like it, and sorted out something else for himself, at no cost or effort to you. I really don't see what the problem is.

I know vegetarians who won't touch fake meat products like Quorn with a barge-pole, so I don't even think it's relevant that your son-in-law is a meat-eater and you're not. He didn't like something you cooked, so he ate something else. Whether it was meat or not is neither here nor there.

I think actually it’s bad to expect guests to eat food they dislike just because you made it, in fact I find that quite creepy

And the fake meat isn’t Quorn btw, it’s tofu based

So what? He didn't like it. It doesn't matter what it was.

Yes it was rude but you shouldn't have cooked that meal. Most meat eaters don't like fake meat. He should have tried at least some of it but if he didn't like it, shouldn't be forced to eat it. And he was obviously still hungry.

I would check because;
Not everyone likes/eats spicy food.
Some have allergies.
Some eat fish, but not meat.
Some have other dietary requirements
It's very embarrassing to be a guest and find the meal prepared is the one thing you can't eat. I would always ask if it's going to be that one thing,just so I don't appear rude. ( I don't eat shellfish , it makes me feel ill)

This.

Why would you expect him to eat something he doesn't like? I wouldn't and I'd order myself something else. It's not rude, it's just not wanting to be hungry.

if he ate an entire pizza after sifting through OPs curry he probably wasn’t going to be satiated with a slice of toast.

Well that's why I also suggested a sandwich!

OP, if you, like me, are veggie and can't stand the smell of meat cooking (especially lamb - bleurgh !) then don't host meat-eaters.

I don't entertain meat-eaters except for BBQ's and then they cook on a separate grill.

As most of my friends are veggies (or will eat veggie food) it isn't a problem.

Just because people are family doesn't give then the right to come into my house and cook food that makes me feel queasy.

I would also have left the tofu because I really dislike it

Well, no, not to me @Minfilia It wouldn’t occur to me as a guest to have a host check with me as it’s not a restaurant.
That's so interesting, you see I always check with guests that they're going to be ok with what I serve, because I want people to be happy with it. And I'm happy to modify what I'm serving to people's needs and likes.

I have been a vegetarian for many years and I would never serve commercial tofu to a non veggie. It's a really weird texture and I have yet to find a single dish that makes me find it pleasant to eat.

Home made tofu though is quite another thing. I discovered the difference when I had some in a set menu in a Chinese restaurant. I asked what brand it was and they told me they make their own. I now do likewise. It's a bit time consuming but well worth it.

As to the pizza - well he could have been a bit more discreet about it but the meat is a red herring.

OP, if you, like me, are veggie and can't stand the smell of meat cooking (especially lamb - bleurgh !) then don't host meat-eaters.

Or, feed the meat eaters healthy vegetarian food containing natural, unprocessed ingredients rather than Tofu/Quorn/other 'plant based' faux meat.

@EcafTnuc I’m probably older than a lot of you and trust me, it was normal (as in common) to have to eat what was put in front of you. None of my friends who also grew up this way developed eating disorders and neither did I. And no, @Ahbisto its not “creepy” to expect people to eat food you’ve made for them. I knew he liked curries, I didn’t know he didn’t eat fake meat, it didn’t occur to me he wouldn’t at least try it/eat it.

Gordon Ramsey could come round to my house and cook a 3* Michelin salmon dish and I would refuse it and order a pizza too.

I'm an adult, I'm not going to eat food I don't like

@Ritascornershop Im actually with you on this one. Also, I'm a meat eater and I don't mind faux meat.

None of my friends who also grew up this way developed eating disorders and neither did I.

It may not be an eating disorder, but I do think it's very messed up to insist a grown adult eats food they dislike just to be polite.

As the host, it should be your job to check your guests will eat your food and to provide a suitable alternative where necessary.

I wouldn't let it fester and ruin what sounds like a good relationship, maybe to avoid this issue in future just cook for yourself when they stay and let the meat eaters look after themselves?

Thanks @Anoushka1986 If I’d invited people round for a meal, I’d check. When it’s close family staying with me for weeks I feel it’s different. The meals aren’t a one-off “entertaining” situation, they’re just life.

@AryaStarkWolf its okay, it won’t fester 😊 He’s a good person, I just wasn’t sure if this was normal now. Apparently it is, and I’m taking that on board and am not offended. Surprised, but not offended.