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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this your son?

209 replies

quicklybeendrivenmad · 21/05/2022 18:04

Not sure it's an AIBU but could not find a topic to put his under if anyone has any ideas please report and asked to be moved.

Been feeling quite crap for a while with family issues, also have let myself go, but on a bit of weight, skin gone to shit, hardly ever doing make up living in old clothes basically just feeling meh.

Last three weeks had hair done, nails, facials etc bought some new clothes felt loads better about myself, today at work with DH we both have customers, he shouts me over to answer a question, and before I can even reply woman (about 65-70) says awwh your son is adorable (realise she is talking about DH cos I only have girls) My reply he is my husband hers reply did you have him young, I walked away DH explained I am 4 years older, apparently she felt bad her husband was embarassed, knocked all my confidence, wish I had replied is that your grandson about her husband because he was 50's or you should go back to specsavers cos your prescription was wrong!!

No sat here feeling like crap and whilst knowing I was never gonna look like 21-35 again feel like I have been crushed xx

OP posts:
TheFoxAndTheStar · 21/05/2022 18:07

Oh you poor soul. You must have felt crushed.

Try to see it as you don’t know her circumstances. She might have some issues, she might not see or process information well, or she might even just be a mean sod doing it deliberately.

XelaM · 21/05/2022 18:09

OP - my mum who is 1 year younger than my dad was asked this exact question (about my dad)! And my mum is actually really good-looking for her age and takes extremely good care of herself- is very fit, always really nice make-up and clothes. So I wouldn't feel bad. Some people are just idiots with bad eye sight! Or the woman fancies your DH 🤣

Sumtimesiamgreen · 21/05/2022 18:09

Forget it. People are weird! A midwife once commented on a photo of us as a family on display. She said I thought you have 3 children, I said I do, she said whose the other one next to your Mr Sum… I said that is meeeeee !!! I still laugh so much because I do not look young for my age. She’s needs specs I think.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 21/05/2022 18:11

Not exactly the same but I was once asked when I was due when I was wearing an unflattering dress (reviews said it) and had had a big breakfast. It was my birthday. People say all sorts of crap.

ValBiro · 21/05/2022 18:12

"your son is adorable" is a pretty weird thing to say about a grown adult man anyway! She was on a wind up or is just a bit odd herself!

Bluedabadeeba · 21/05/2022 18:13

Oh dear. That's rubbish. I had that when introducing myself to new neighbours.. she said, 'Ah, and is this your son?!' ..

Erm.. nope, my husband, and a year older than me with a very unkempt beard at the moment.... who do you think you are, LADY?! I guess he was weirdly standing behind me like a dithering teenager though..

At first I thought English might be her second language and she got the words mixed up. But I've spoken to her since. Nope, English is her first language! 😐You're not alone.

Shall we just laugh it off and think that these oldies are losing their eyesight/marbles?!

MrsLargeEmbodied · 21/05/2022 18:15

this old man asked me last week if i had been in the war!
Grin

he did admit he couldnt see - i told him i was in my 50s, he said he was 84 as he peered over the top of his glasses!

DahliaMacNamara · 21/05/2022 18:17

Some people are just fucking dozy.

I've been asked if DS was my DH, which is less unflattering for me than being asked if DH is my son. However, not long before that, I was assumed to be DD's grandmother. There's no logical conclusion about how old I look to be drawn from that. I probably look about the age I am. Like I say, some people are just fucking dozy.

KarenLovesRosario · 21/05/2022 18:19

That's just weird, why would she think two members of staff talking (unless I've read this incorrectly) were related anyway? Doesn't make any sense in the slightest so honestly I'd just put it out of my mind. How very strange of her.

MsMarple · 21/05/2022 18:19

I feel your pain. I’m only a couple of years older than my sister but one of her new friends thought I was her mum. We’d been talking for ages so it wasn’t like she made a mistake from a distance…

Mally100 · 21/05/2022 18:20

I don't know why she still asked him that questions after he told her he is your dh. Maybe she has a hearing issue. In any case people make these awkward mistakes all the time. Once I was out at lunch with a friend and I insisted on paying and the waitress made a comment of how lovely it is that I'm treating my mum. We are the same age! I have also made this mistake of assuming the wife was the husband's mother. Friend of dh who I had never met invited us, his mum was visiting at the time. I walked over to the wife and Said it must be great visiting with the grandkids. I was mortified. Someone else arrived later and did the same. I felt really bad for doing that. Sorry op, I know it must feel horrid but these people are not worth feeling upset over (including myself).

Notimeforaname · 21/05/2022 18:21

Since my best friend has undergone cancer treatment, its aged her a bit and she hasn't got much hair now. Everywhere we go, people ask if I'm her daughter.

It's made things extremely uncomfortable. Even her own gp who knows her years asked if I was her daughter..knowing she only has sons and is their gp too 🤨
She avoids going out with me now.
Some people just ask too many questions/make silly assumptions

Ignore her . Oul bizzy body

DialsMavis · 21/05/2022 18:22

Someone at work asked me if I did O levels. I am only 40 😱

MistyRuins · 21/05/2022 18:24

I'm really confused as to how she would have thought you were related, if you were both working and dealing with customers.

What an odd situation.

Original poster
quicklybeendrivenmad · 21/05/2022 18:25

Tbf made me feel shit and just going back to the duvet days xx

OP posts:
TempName01 · 21/05/2022 18:25

When he shouted over to you could she have thought he said ‘mum’? Or does your name sound like mum?

TempName01 · 21/05/2022 18:26

And she probably couldn’t see you that well from where she was.

MistyRuins · 21/05/2022 18:26

KarenLovesRosario · 21/05/2022 18:19

That's just weird, why would she think two members of staff talking (unless I've read this incorrectly) were related anyway? Doesn't make any sense in the slightest so honestly I'd just put it out of my mind. How very strange of her.

I clearly take too long to read and reply! Cross post.

Mally100 · 21/05/2022 18:26

quicklybeendrivenmad · 21/05/2022 18:25

Tbf made me feel shit and just going back to the duvet days xx

She is just one, random nobody op. She has no impact or interaction in your life. Don't let her get you down.

GinUnicorn · 21/05/2022 18:29

Another view here. My grandma did this a few times to people - she had dementia and it wasn’t meant that way she just got very confused. It was probably nothing to do with you at all so please don’t let it knock your confidence.

ValBiro · 21/05/2022 18:29

I've also done the "how many months are you?" thing to a slightly protruding belly and had it done back to me many many times too so what goes around comes around!

Original poster
quicklybeendrivenmad · 21/05/2022 18:30

Its a family business so we are all related and it did get me down DH tried to make her and her husband feel better cos her husband quote give my wife a shovel but still feel crap xx

OP posts:
SamMil · 21/05/2022 18:30

The fact that she didn't hear/understand you say "he is my husband" makes me think that perhaps her senses or comprehension were lacking. I wouldn't take it too personally!

MrsLargeEmbodied · 21/05/2022 18:31

i just assumed the man of 84 was just dotty

mathanxiety · 21/05/2022 18:32

It's possible the woman has dementia and has you confused with someone else. An old neighbour of mine took to calling me Doreen when she started to show symptoms of cognitive decline. No amount of reminders made a difference, of course.

If this has affected you badly, would you consider an appointment with your GP to do a general checkup and to explore reasons why you've been miserable for the past little while?

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