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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this your son?

209 replies

quicklybeendrivenmad · 21/05/2022 18:04

Not sure it's an AIBU but could not find a topic to put his under if anyone has any ideas please report and asked to be moved.

Been feeling quite crap for a while with family issues, also have let myself go, but on a bit of weight, skin gone to shit, hardly ever doing make up living in old clothes basically just feeling meh.

Last three weeks had hair done, nails, facials etc bought some new clothes felt loads better about myself, today at work with DH we both have customers, he shouts me over to answer a question, and before I can even reply woman (about 65-70) says awwh your son is adorable (realise she is talking about DH cos I only have girls) My reply he is my husband hers reply did you have him young, I walked away DH explained I am 4 years older, apparently she felt bad her husband was embarassed, knocked all my confidence, wish I had replied is that your grandson about her husband because he was 50's or you should go back to specsavers cos your prescription was wrong!!

No sat here feeling like crap and whilst knowing I was never gonna look like 21-35 again feel like I have been crushed xx

OP posts:
Staffy1 · 21/05/2022 19:23

Does your name sound like “mum”. You say your husband shouted over to you to answer a question? She may have just heard that and that’s why she asked if you had him young.

kateandme · 21/05/2022 19:24

Op I was once very very ill.
I returned home and in the shop an elderly lady gasped " dear woman you look awful,I saw woman like you in my concentration camp" sometimes people are just unthinking.
Try not to let it get to you.i think it might be more because of how your currently feeling inwardly about yourself.so that's something to work on NOT by changing but mindset.then there comments don't hurt.they don't play on you or infectvan already poorly mind.
Your goingvtjrough a stage where u might not be slamming it up every day.so what this happens to be that time in your life.this might ebb and flow or shift.thats ok you are no more or lesser than because of your weight or clothes.
Try listing all the good thinfs you do,are.work on building them.
Perhaps try a self care day or hours.
Try and get some inner care and confidence back.

Trivester · 21/05/2022 19:24

I’m seriously considering claiming that I’m 20 years older than I am so that I can lap up compliments about how young I look.

These things do sting op, but it’s important, really important, not to perseverate on them. It’s the emotional equivalent of scratching the scab off before a wound is healed.

It sounds like your MH has been fragile lately and it’s important not to tumble into a bad place. Take a bit of time to feel the sting but then you need to actively stop thinking about it. Every time you think about it, stop and find 3 red things around you. 3 orange things the next time. 3 yellow things… work through the rainbow. Or so long division in your head to distract yourself.

On my 30th birthday, my dh treated me to a massage. And in my nearly naked state, the therapist thought it would be a good time to try and sell me skin care products for “mature skin”. I won’t lie; I cried myself to sleep that night which probably didn’t do my prematurely aging skin any favours either.

Everyone has a story but the moral is that people are idiots!

WisherWood · 21/05/2022 19:24

I was at a horse show with a friend of mine and someone referred to my friend as my daughter. She's a year younger than me. I thought it was odd as we both look about the age we are, or perhaps a bit younger, but there clearly isn't enough of gap for us to be mother and daughter. I think sometimes people don't really look and just assume based on the interaction. I was doing the show entries for my friend and helping her with her horse, which is what mothers and daughters often do.

Mind you we look nothing alike. Even funnier was the time I was on my 3rd date with my now DP and someone referred to me as his wife. Fortunately we both thought it was funny but it could have really scared him off.

cottagegardenflower · 21/05/2022 19:24

My husband was asked if he wanted to pay entrance for one adult and his two daughters once (me and teen DD) and a young man on holiday thought me and older teen son were a couple. EEEW!!!
DH is 2 years older than me but looks 10 years older than he is and I used to look around 20 years younger.

Its more common a mistake than you'd think.

HazelBite · 21/05/2022 19:24

Some chap upset Ds (In his 30's) by talking about his wife (me in my 60's at the time)

Dobbyismyabsolutefav · 21/05/2022 19:25

Try not to dwell on it OP. I've had somebody comment on my wedding photo that they thought my DH was my DDad, he has been grey since his late twenties.

I've had a workman ask me to see 'the lady of the house' and whilst I could have taken a few years off my age not that many. My DD, who is at uni, plays it to her advantage if someone it at the door and they are selling something she just says 'sorry my Mum isn't in so I can't help you'.

People are either not paying attention, rude or a bit dense at times.

BeautyGoesToBenidorm · 21/05/2022 19:29

Awww OP, I feel for you. I had this with my DP, we were staying in a Premier Inn last year. The kid on reception eyeballs us and says "You've booked a double room... with your son?"

I'm 15 years older than DP. I'm 38 but often told I don't look my age (I definitely look like I'm in my 30s at best!), and DP looks a few years older than he is. We've never had any negative comments about the age gap, most people don't notice unless one of us mentions it.

I laughed it off as the kid was mortified, but really I was thinking it was absolutely not his fucking place to comment like that anyway.

Barleysugar86 · 21/05/2022 19:30

Last week I tried to get on a ride with my 5 year old which pregnant women were not allowed to ride. The lady running it looked serious and asked 'baby?' and motioned to my admittedly not remotely flat belly. Mortifying. No, no baby. Try not to take it to heart!

Crocsandshocks · 21/05/2022 19:33

My son was asked if I was his granny! Some people are twats!

newfriend05 · 21/05/2022 19:34

See this is why I turned down a lovely guy but he's 9 yrs younger then me .. I would be mortified

Timeturnerplease · 21/05/2022 19:36

Honestly, some men just age well. DH is 15 years older than me and we get a lot of double takes at his DOB. Been held up at passport control a couple of times.

The older we get, the more I look older than him 🤦🏻‍♀️

Original poster
quicklybeendrivenmad · 21/05/2022 19:37

To people who are asking why would be at work together its a family business so we have to work together DH

OP posts:
INeedaCalculator · 21/05/2022 19:40

I will NEVER forget the midwife telling my how adorable my grandson was ….. I was visiting my sister who was 15 months younger than me.
You are not being unreasonable OP.

Merryclaire · 21/05/2022 19:41

If she thought he was ‘adorable’ it sounds more like she thought he was a small child rather than you looked old! She sounds like she’s not all there, so I know it was upsetting but really not based in any reality.

balalake · 21/05/2022 19:42

Imagine if you were Brigitte Macron how many times you would have had this comment before 2017.

Lesserspottedmama · 21/05/2022 19:44

Why do people blurt out all these clumsy assumptions?! What’s wrong with them? I have never said anything of these things to anyone, I keep my assumptions/guesses to myself. Someone asked me if I was pregnant recently and I was so embarrassed. I’ve had four children and my stomach does stick out. But why did they have to ask, why? Someone once thought my mother was my sister and my (same
age) friend was my mother, again why say it? My middle two boys are 2.5 years apart and people ask all the time if they are twins when there is a considerable height difference, they look completely unalike - not even like siblings IMO - and even in their faces you can tell the youngest as he still has such a baby face. It baffles me how anyone could suppose they were twins. Honestly people are so gormless.

Laughingteacakes · 21/05/2022 19:44

It sounds like this comment was really badly timed and that you haven’t been feeling the best and this was maybe a last straw type of thing. I wouldn’t care about this comment and would just find it funny but if I had been feeling a bit down on myself then that would maybe be very different. Just keep doing the things that make you feel better, ignore what anyone else thinks/says, I’m a total believer that we should just focus on the things that we know make us happier in ourselves….🌺

Staffy1 · 21/05/2022 19:44

balalake · 21/05/2022 19:42

Imagine if you were Brigitte Macron how many times you would have had this comment before 2017.

No one would call that arrogant little prat adorable though.

thecurtainsofdestiny · 21/05/2022 19:45

"Should've gone to Specsavers".

The woman that is, not you!

Weightlossanne · 21/05/2022 19:58

MsMarple · 21/05/2022 18:19

I feel your pain. I’m only a couple of years older than my sister but one of her new friends thought I was her mum. We’d been talking for ages so it wasn’t like she made a mistake from a distance…

This happened to me. We used to go to Weight Watcher’s together. She couldn’t go one week and the lady on the desk asked me where my daughter was. I was absolutely gutted.

ThreeLeggedCat · 21/05/2022 19:59

When my daughter was a tiny baby I was asked if I was her granny. I was 34 and (literally) breastfeeding her at the time.

ErmIDontKnow · 21/05/2022 20:10

I was out for lunch with my friend and my 7 year old the other week and a man asked me if they were both my children!

I was mortified! I always get told how young I look for my age ( I'm 30 ) I was so miffed he thought my friend was my daughter 😂

Burgess67A · 21/05/2022 20:13

I was with a friend at a party. She is 4 years older than me. Someone asked ‘is that your daughter? ‘ needless to say, she was thrilled ! I wasn’t !

NotoriousGnocchi · 21/05/2022 20:15

It's odd telling someone that their adult son (or teenage son) is adorable. Maybe she's got dementia or was just mean or she was joking? Did she maybe say it as a joke because he was asking you a question (if I read correctly).

Either way I highly doubt it had anything to do with your appearance!!