Is this your son?

[quicklybeendrivenmad]

Not sure it's an AIBU but could not find a topic to put his under if anyone has any ideas please report and asked to be moved.

Been feeling quite crap for a while with family issues, also have let myself go, but on a bit of weight, skin gone to shit, hardly ever doing make up living in old clothes basically just feeling meh.

Last three weeks had hair done, nails, facials etc bought some new clothes felt loads better about myself, today at work with DH we both have customers, he shouts me over to answer a question, and before I can even reply woman (about 65-70) says awwh your son is adorable (realise she is talking about DH cos I only have girls) My reply he is my husband hers reply did you have him young, I walked away DH explained I am 4 years older, apparently she felt bad her husband was embarassed, knocked all my confidence, wish I had replied is that your grandson about her husband because he was 50's or you should go back to specsavers cos your prescription was wrong!!

No sat here feeling like crap and whilst knowing I was never gonna look like 21-35 again feel like I have been crushed xx

You have absolutely no reason to think this woman has dementia. Christ almighty.

She just sounds a bit strange!
When I go and visit my Grandma in her nursing home, a lot of the staff tell her that her daughter is here - I’m 38 and my DG is 95. My DM who is her daughter is 72!! I have meh days where I know I probably look older but I definitely don’t look 72!

Her DH reaction suggests she may do things like this a lot so please don’t take it to heart. Carry on with your treatments if they make you feel better but do it for you and not for how you think people may see you 💐

Totally get how this made you feel. Once a stranger asked if me and my mum are sisters !! Omg ! Literally 30 years apart in age.

Oh lovely 🙂 you sound like just the sort of person I’d have a laugh with over a drink. Go and have some more facials, have a night out (husband or friend). Do you have a club or anything you could get out to or are kids too young?

You are fine and she made a mistake - it happens. I was once mistaken for a man ordering a coffee - I have long curly hair but I guess someone just didn’t look that carefully!!

@quicklybeendrivenmad

Try not to feel like that Op 💐

I totally get the feelings such a shitey must have caused - would be the same for anyone.

But as people have said, people are proper weird and come out with all sorts of shite.

Pay her no heed and get back to feeling good about yourself

My sister was asked if I was her mum the other day. I am 37, she is 29. Shows how stupid people can be as I often get asked if I am in university or looking forward to turning 21. 🙄
People can just be really stupid at times, please try not to let it get you down too much. I know it's hard x

My friend is a twin (female) and she got asked by her science teacher at school 'So are you and your twin brother identical?"

She was hardly gloating, just pointing out that some people can’t see for looking and say ridiculous things. Other people have pointed out that they’ve been asked if they are someone’s daughter of a close aged friend.

Please don’t let this get to you, I used to work in a diy shop and once said ‘your wife’ to a fella, it was his daughter, I’d hardly even looked at the lass. My best friend has been accused of being my mam 3 times, she’s 4 years older then me 🤔 and once I was in a shop with my son saying he can’t have something because he’d been naughty, the girl behind the counter said ‘I wish my mum was like that with my kids, she lets them get away with murder!’ People just don’t think sometimes it’s not that big of a thing if they haven’t given it much thought the relationship between you.
don’t give up looking after yourself though, I’ve also been having family problems and have been run down, but I’ve started eating well, taking vitamins (Korean ginseng etc) swimming and walking more, it’s not a magic wand but I do feel a bit better.

She should have read the room. Surely it would be patently obvious that the OP wouldn’t want to read about someone having the opposite experience to her, an experience which has knocked her for six?

“I’m really sad, someone thought I was stupid because I work in a shop and spoke down to me.”

“God, tell me about it. I get spoken to like I’m the Queen, it’s so embarrassing, just because I have 23 degrees and run the company. Honesty, people are awwwwwful, OP, don’t worry about it.”

A batshit, clumsy comparable, but it’s late and I believe it makes the point. Probably.

Someone pointed to my husband and said “is that your eldest?” I said “no my husband” and she replied “oooh you’ve got a tomboy” we were both 50 🙄

We live in a culture that worships youth. I do not know why. I'm continually amazed the we live through our youths! Let me tell you a truth. Every silver hair is the merit badge of a life well lived. Every line and wrinkle, the map to a personality drawn deeper and richer with every passing year. Every stretch mark a reminder of a battle fought, and won, to bring life into the world (those of you who have chosen not to have children, you have your own battles scars, just as worthy).

Don't discount yourself because of this. Rise up, and say proudly, "The setting of the sun is no less lovely than the dawn...and far more poignant."

IF such a thing should come up again, laugh, and say, "Oh, that's my husband. Don't you wish you knew my secret?"

@Herejustforthisone I have very good reason actually. It’s exactly the kind of thing my mother might say to someone. Like every single other person on this thread, I am just speculating as to why she might have said that.
Christ almighty.

Maybe she was trying to flatter you but got confused? You know 'you don't look old enough to be his mother' type thing and just got it wrong? Old people get confused sometimes.

Someone said this to me once about DH being my dad. He’s 5 years older and over a foot taller. He just laughed and asked if she was ok hun?

it’s her issue, not yours x

The type of people who make flippant comments don't really put much thought into the words they spit out.
I'd never say something about the relationship unless I was sure likewise with a pregnancy until the person mentions the baby I ignore even an obvious bump.
My Dsis was asked countless times when she was due before she started slimming world.

Not sure that's going to change on a thread where people are saying things like 'daft old bat' 'old people get confused', 'old women' say inappropriate things, and it might be dementia about a woman who was around 65, do you?
No one thinks people have dementia when they assume their DS is their partner or their DD is their sister, and no one thinks its an insult to the young person for that matter. Perhaps OPs DH just looked very young.

Is DH slim and good looking, some men look their best in their 40's he might be a late bloomer.

Op this happened to me once! I do not look older than DH I 100% promise you, people just say stupid shit sometimes. We laughed so much about it. Honestly op it’s not you.

@5128gap I think it’s because people with dementia often lose the ‘filter’ that stops them from saying inappropriate or rude things. Therefore a compliment doesn’t really need to be excused or explained as it is assumed to be intentional. But if someone says something unexpected or rude it’s worth considering reasons why they might have said that.

But these comments are only a compliment or insult depending on which person you are. People on here talking about being mistaken for their sister's daughter don't suspect dementia, they're chuffed to bits at how young they must look and delighted with the compliment.

Yes to the second two, but I admit I looked like 12 when I was mid twenties. I was mistaken for my teen daughters sister and dh was charged half price once. Regularly charged kids ticket on the bus despite going to work.

And I said 'around' 20 years, not exactly. It's other people say this to me to this day.

And I had my DD at 29!

My daughter regularly gets “are you having a lovely day with nana?” from well-meaning parents of other kids at the park. I’m 41, so feasibly could be her nana I suppose, but still stings! Hope you’re feeling less crushed a few days out x