To make child pay for his own uniform?

[Unifrom]

My child is 8 and is very unorganised, he’s constantly losing his belongings at school and with the cost of living I can’t keep up like this. They never get found/returned despite them all being labelled.

The latest thing is his fleece, that costs £19. Went missing on Monday and hasn’t been handed in, need to sort it. He gets pocket money at £2 per week and saves this up to buy something big, so he can cover this.

Me and DH can’t agree on whether he should have to pay for the cost of a new one out of pocket money.

So AIBU to think it would be a good life lesson for him to have to pay for a replacement? Or is he too young to have to pay for his own uniform?

You didn’t answer. Does she thank you when you punish her?

Ooh, no. Far too young. That's so cruel.

My 13 year old has ADHD and loses things all the time. He cannot help it. And yeah, despite everything being labelled, it does not come back. A combination of light fingered kids/parents and couldn't-give-a-fuck schools. In primary, another kid was wearing my son's coat he was sent from halfway across the world by his grandparents, with his initials literally embroidered on the inside of the sleeve, yet the parent (and kid!) swore til she was blue in the face that she'd bought it herself from London, until the embroidery was revealed and she practically threw the coat in my face and stormed off. People are like that. I couldn't have made my son pay for the actions of a couple of thieves or a school that cant manage it's lost property. Because let's face it, if someone hasn't nicked it, it's in school and nobody has bothered to process it properly. My children have had all sorts pinched from school. If it's nice, people will have it

I’m thankful that I got brought up well and was taught parenting skills that have in turn helped me to raise lovely kids.

I agree it is about control and many kids feel resentful. It is a shallow way to 'correct' rather than teach.

Communication.

So in this case, the OP has to work with the school to get the stuff back. It must be somewhere and the OP’s kid is too little to work that out himself.

Exactly, very well put.

I would stop his pocket money for a week or two and tell him it is being put towards a replacement.

No. So there’s the resentment.

If he keeps losing things, he may have ADHD.

I don't think it is reasonable to fine your child. You just need to make sure you label all of his stuff, and check it each day.

I have never been punished as an adult

You’ve literally just explained the resentment your daughter feels when you take her phone. You’re the bad guy, in her eyes.

Agree, not teaching and showing your children that actions have consequences is doing them a disservice.

It would be bizarre if it took place before the behaviour rather than after, that’s a very unusual point but each to their own.

As a TA I can laugh at the responses on this thread. I would try it out! Best case it works worst case it doesn't. Or stop his pocket money. I work with so many kids who, not through their own fault, are entitled and have zero respect, even at 8. I love that you are putting the effort in. I wish more parents bothered to prepare their kids for independence!

No, it’s logic - they can’t go back and change it, so why punish them for it afterwards? It changes nothing.

That’s being a parent rather than a ‘friend’

Too young. The lad is 8.

He needs guidance and reminders and to be helped to learn how to take care of things. Every morning at drop off "so Jimmy what are you to remember? Yes! Always think about your jumper, if you take it off where must you put it straight away? Yes, in your bag!!"

Ever day at pick up "so Jim, have you got everything? Fleece? Spare trainers? Water bottle? Think about it now, is there anything you forgot?"

And repeat repeat repeat repeat morning and afternoon and evening and night for months, nay, years - until eventually it sinks into the boy's very DNA.

Encourage him to help label all his items with you.

And even - No Lost Stuff Month! If he manages to not lose anything in June, he gets to choose a trip out with the money you can afford as you haven't had to replace his stuff.

But your daughter doesn’t thank you. What would you call that, if not resentment?

That’s nonsensical, generally it does correct the behaviour of the consequence is appropriate.

No, it’s being a detached, cold authoritarian rather than a parent.