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To cancel a party
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Wednesdayafternoon · 13/05/2022 11:01

So basically I made the decision to cancel my sons second birthday party. When I say party it really was just a matter of the cousins coming round and having tea in the garden with some toys out etc. I was really looking forward to it, my son was born during lockdown and because of lockdown I do feel like we've missed out on quite a lot when it comes to celebrations and sharing special moments and occasions so I've not made this decision lightly.
Basically my niece has been unwell today. She has a stomach bug. I have a lifelong sickness phobia, it's quite an intense one. I've had counselling and CBT therapy but unfortunately I do struggle to keep on top of my phobia. Anyway his party is in two days so I know the NHS guidelines are that you should wait two days before mixing but I just made the decision to cancel the party because her siblings would be coming round and I would just be very worried about them passing something on. For the sake of having tea in the garden I just don't really think it's worthwhile putting my own children at risk when it comes to mixing when that household of been particularly unwell. To me the benefit doesn't outweigh what concerns me. I will still make it special for my son. This was just one aspect of his birthday.
I tried to discuss this with my sister and I sent her a message just explaining the above from I didn't really feel comfortable. I thought she would understand. If it was the other way round and my household have been unwell and somebody had said that they think its best to not go ahead with the tea because of that then I may well be disappointed but I would completely respect their point of you. Anyway my sister is really unhappy with me. She thinks I've been really disrespectful and I said a big argument with me. My niece was unwell today and as soon as I found out that she had a stomach bug I made the decision to cancel the dinner pretty much straight away. That didn't take away me showing any concern to my neice, I've been checking in on her all yesterday and today. But I just sent a quick message saying that I think that we should cancel. I was going to buy the stuff for the party today so I needed to make the decision today.
Do you guys really think I'm being unreasonable? I understand that you might think I'm being overly cautious, but am I really being unreasonable and did I really deserve a telling off for making the decision today to cancel my sons party?

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saamantha19881 · 13/05/2022 11:07

I'm really sorry, but you have let your phobia mean your son and his little cousins miss out. They were probably really excited 🤷.

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Wednesdayafternoon · 13/05/2022 11:09

Well my son isn't really missing out. His birthday on Saturday and we're having a bug day out and then on Sunday I can still have a garden party with my two sons together.
I do have a phobia but at the same time if her house hold has a sickness bug circulating is the priority really a garden party?
He's two so he has no concept of it even being his birthday...

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strrawberriesandcream · 13/05/2022 11:09

I can't tell from your post what the situation is.

Is your niece and her family the only ones attending? So just one household who live with the vomiting child? Abs they were still going to bring her?

If my child was vomiting I would make it my decision not to inflict that on other people.

If more people are due to attend then I wouldn't cancel the whole thing.

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piratehugs · 13/05/2022 11:11

Even without the phobia, I don't think it's unreasonable. Your son is too young to mind and who knows, your niece might still be feeling rubbish at the party. Do it again another day when everyone is fully better.

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PurplePinecone · 13/05/2022 11:13

I think you should work on getting over your phobia really. Once your child starts school you have no control over what illness they might pick up. You can't keep them away from other kids forever.

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DillyDilly · 13/05/2022 11:13

I think it was OTT to cancel and can see why your sister was annoyed.

What will you do when your child starts school and will be surrounded by other children who have bugs and illnesses ? What will you do next year, or the year after, if you’ve invited someone to his party and discover an invitee was ill with a big two days beforehand.

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OnceuponaRainbow18 · 13/05/2022 11:15

What will you do when they go to
nursery and school and are around loads of kids who’s families may be at home vomiting?

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Wednesdayafternoon · 13/05/2022 11:19

Guys I just wanna take my phobia away from the point of this thread. My point really is more whether I am being unreasonable for cancelling a party because I have a concern and my sister reacting in a way of just basically having a go at me. As a parent when they have a sickness bug that is circulating in the house hold and they are the only other household who were coming round for tea anyway I just don't think it's appropriate for the T to continue. The likelihood of them passing it on to my children Is of course much greater. My eldest son is in school and he had a good handful of stomach bug is before Christmas and it was horrendous. I'm a single mum with two children, it was very hard to manage. I will avoided where possible although I do understand that it is inevitable that times are my eldest son could've picked it up already anyway. But is it really fair to invite people round when there is a sickness bug in their house. Is it really fair for somebody to have a go at somebody for making that decision when they think its best for their children?

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Wednesdayafternoon · 13/05/2022 11:20

OnceuponaRainbow18

What will you do when they go to
nursery and school and are around loads of kids who’s families may be at home vomiting?

Well yes I would send them to school because they have to go to school. Would I proceed to invite those people round to my house for an optional dinner absolutely not!

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Wednesdayafternoon · 13/05/2022 11:22

Just to clarify, the only household who were invited round is my sisters household. So my two children and her two children round in my garden for tea. They have a sickness bug in their household at the moment. Is it really fair to continue to invite them round and most likely pass it on. As I've already said, this isn't his only main birthday celebration I have a lot planned so he's in and I miss out. I would rather avoid them being sick where I can although I understand it isn't always avoidable. They could be sick from anything at any time would I really invite a household round when I knowingly know that tummy bug is circulating round their house and also is it really that hard to understand why I've been cautious and does it warrant someone having a massive go at me for a decision I've made for my children?

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OnceuponaRainbow18 · 13/05/2022 11:23

Why ask when you’ve clearly made up your mind?

my sisters daughter had a bug and her and her son came to my house… didn’t think anything of it!

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Wednesdayafternoon · 13/05/2022 11:24

@OnceuponaRainbow18 well I suppose I'm just wanting to have a chat about it!

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Rosesandbutterflys · 13/05/2022 11:28

Why on earth would your sister want to bring around a contagious child with the norovirus or whatever to your house?? Sickness bugs are so contagious! YANBU. Even if she left your niece at home, herself and her other children are likely to have it/ get it before Sunday anyway and if they're in the incubation period themselves and don't realise then could pass it onto your family.

How selfish and self-absorbed of her.

Sickness bugs are one thing I won't take risks with as I HATE them, fair enough you can't shield your DC forever from them but there's a difference between them picking stuff up at school unknowingly and purposefully socialising with a household that's got a sickness bug.

If I had a sickness bug I would be keeping away from people, not getting in a strop because others didn't want it.

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BattenbergdowntheHatches · 13/05/2022 11:32

Sorry but yes I think YABU.

It's a real overreaction - your DS may be only 2 and have other birthday stuff lined up, but I presume the other DC are older/more excited and the other parent(s) have bought your DS gifts. I'd be pretty hacked off if I was your DSis too - she may well have turned down other plans to come.

Also, 48 hours is the recommended recovery time and it's outside that. Most parents in my DS' class go with anything from 24/48 otherwise they would never be in school! (Not that I approve, but I have a nanny so it's less hassle for me if DS is off).

Phobia aside, it sounds a little bit like you just cba with it.

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superram · 13/05/2022 11:33

Everyone has said that yes you are unreasonable to cancel, regardless of your phobia. You think you aren’t so are being mardy.

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thesunwillout · 13/05/2022 11:36

There's a bad sickness bug doing the rounds here in South Devon.
In your situation I'd cancel tbh.

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Wouldyabeguilty · 13/05/2022 11:38

I would do exactly the same as you. There is absolutely NO way I would go ahead and let a child with a vomiting bug come to my house and infect me and my family. I have a huge sickness fear and I think you you don't suffer with that you have no idea what the fear is like. Your sister obviously knows you and knows about your phobia, I cannot understand why she would have a go at you knowing this. I understand you OP and you are not being unreasonable at all.

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Pickabearanybear · 13/05/2022 11:39

I would have done the same because the siblings will come down with it next and then pass it on to you guys.

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Mariposista · 13/05/2022 11:49

I just feel sorry for your little boy. He is still little, but old enough to know it's his birthday. He has spent pretty much all his short life with just immediate family, and will now spend his special day the same.

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BellePeppa · 13/05/2022 11:50

YANBU. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, I think your sister is. He’s only two it’s not that big a deal - assuming your sister hasn’t travelled miles to come to it?

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JesusSufferingFuck22 · 13/05/2022 11:50

YANBU
I'm sure your family will understand. Last thing anyone needs is a bug being passed around.

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LittleOwl153 · 13/05/2022 11:51

I would have expected your sister to be the one to cancel tbh with a sicky kid in the house - or at least ask if it could be rearranged to next weekend or whatever.

No I don't think you are in the wrong to cancel - and your sister is unhappy as she thought you should go ahead and not mean her kids plans changed as she would have brought the sick one anyway I expect.

Yes kids get sick but you don't knowingly invite sickness into your home, and you don't socialise sick kids to spread the illness around - unless you are selfish that is.

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BellePeppa · 13/05/2022 11:52

Mariposista

I just feel sorry for your little boy. He is still little, but old enough to know it's his birthday. He has spent pretty much all his short life with just immediate family, and will now spend his special day the same.

He’ll have no memory of it whether it took place or not. We took our children to amazing places at that age and they don’t remember a darn thing about any of them 🤷‍♀️

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SickAndTiredAgain · 13/05/2022 11:53

Realistically I think it wouldn't be surprising if the party ended up being cancelled anyway, because her siblings come down with it at some point in the next two days.

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SerendipitySunshine · 13/05/2022 11:54

They'll pass the bug round them and then on to your family. YANBU.

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