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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel a party

225 replies

Wednesdayafternoon · 13/05/2022 11:01

So basically I made the decision to cancel my sons second birthday party. When I say party it really was just a matter of the cousins coming round and having tea in the garden with some toys out etc. I was really looking forward to it, my son was born during lockdown and because of lockdown I do feel like we've missed out on quite a lot when it comes to celebrations and sharing special moments and occasions so I've not made this decision lightly.
Basically my niece has been unwell today. She has a stomach bug. I have a lifelong sickness phobia, it's quite an intense one. I've had counselling and CBT therapy but unfortunately I do struggle to keep on top of my phobia. Anyway his party is in two days so I know the NHS guidelines are that you should wait two days before mixing but I just made the decision to cancel the party because her siblings would be coming round and I would just be very worried about them passing something on. For the sake of having tea in the garden I just don't really think it's worthwhile putting my own children at risk when it comes to mixing when that household of been particularly unwell. To me the benefit doesn't outweigh what concerns me. I will still make it special for my son. This was just one aspect of his birthday.
I tried to discuss this with my sister and I sent her a message just explaining the above from I didn't really feel comfortable. I thought she would understand. If it was the other way round and my household have been unwell and somebody had said that they think its best to not go ahead with the tea because of that then I may well be disappointed but I would completely respect their point of you. Anyway my sister is really unhappy with me. She thinks I've been really disrespectful and I said a big argument with me. My niece was unwell today and as soon as I found out that she had a stomach bug I made the decision to cancel the dinner pretty much straight away. That didn't take away me showing any concern to my neice, I've been checking in on her all yesterday and today. But I just sent a quick message saying that I think that we should cancel. I was going to buy the stuff for the party today so I needed to make the decision today.
Do you guys really think I'm being unreasonable? I understand that you might think I'm being overly cautious, but am I really being unreasonable and did I really deserve a telling off for making the decision today to cancel my sons party?

OP posts:
DrinkFeckArseBrick · 13/05/2022 13:07

I dont think YABU. Its not just about your phobia, if your son gets ill, he is going to be miserable as well. If there is a young child with a sickness bug in their house, their siblings are likely to pick it up - it's really hard to keep good hygiene with such young kids. So they would likely be coming down with something and possibly contagious whilst with you. I just dont think it's worth it, for a picnic that can easily be re arranged

Winkydink · 13/05/2022 13:07

YANBU. I would have postponed too.

whynotwhatknot · 13/05/2022 13:08

Could you not have waited till tomorrow maybe to see how they all are

she shouldnt have had argument with you about it though

Oneforallforone · 13/05/2022 13:08

I don't think you should have mentioned your phobia as it's clouding the issue. If you're cancelling because the party will either be just outside the 48 hour window or still within it - that is a totally reasonable thing to do. Mentioning the phobia has understandably made people think that is why you might be cancelling as a possible overreaction.

Seems like an odd response from your sister if you have been calm and reasonable and concerned about her child as well as cancelling the party. Could there be any other reason for her reaction at all?

Original poster
Wednesdayafternoon · 13/05/2022 13:09

notagamer · 13/05/2022 12:59

So just them coming?

what a shame cancel immediately and instead see how it plays out.

sounds to me like you did not want this party to take place

Well that's just ridiculous. I arranged his party and have already spent money on games and decorations for the 4 of them!

He will still have a great day and my boys will have a party together!

OP posts:
LKsGrowler · 13/05/2022 13:12

Do you also have a phobia about paragraphs? My eyes hurt. Therefore YABvU.

Hallyup89 · 13/05/2022 13:14

If you've only invited your sister and her children then I don't think cancelling is a problem. Your son is only 2 and it's not going to be a huge deal to him to rearrange it. I think I'd do the same. You'd only be unreasonable to cancel if you'd invited other families.

Fwiw, my daughter currently has a sickness bug and has been invited to a party on Sunday, which she now won't be attending. I don't blame you for not wanting to risk your family getting ill since you have a phobia of it.

Original poster
Wednesdayafternoon · 13/05/2022 13:16

It's not that it's just my phobia guys. Why would I want my kids to be sick? Of course I'm going to protect them against it!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Wednesdayafternoon · 13/05/2022 13:17

LKsGrowler · 13/05/2022 13:12

Do you also have a phobia about paragraphs? My eyes hurt. Therefore YABvU.

Ahh at last, a comedian in the thread!🤘

OP posts:
Original poster
Wednesdayafternoon · 13/05/2022 13:18

Hallyup89 · 13/05/2022 13:14

If you've only invited your sister and her children then I don't think cancelling is a problem. Your son is only 2 and it's not going to be a huge deal to him to rearrange it. I think I'd do the same. You'd only be unreasonable to cancel if you'd invited other families.

Fwiw, my daughter currently has a sickness bug and has been invited to a party on Sunday, which she now won't be attending. I don't blame you for not wanting to risk your family getting ill since you have a phobia of it.

Awww bless her I hope she's ok ♥️♥️

OP posts:
PeekAtYou · 13/05/2022 13:19

LKsGrowler · 13/05/2022 13:12

Do you also have a phobia about paragraphs? My eyes hurt. Therefore YABvU.

It's actually a problem with MN atm

nearlyspringyay · 13/05/2022 13:20

What then fuck is up with posts and quotes?!

diddl · 13/05/2022 13:21

If your sister &her kids were the only ones invited & she obviously wouldn't be attending it's kind of a moot point really.

Or would she & the not vomiting one have attended & you wanted to prevent that?

So you don't trust her to do what you consider "the right thing"?

MillieBillie2 · 13/05/2022 13:23

Why didn't you just push it out a week? The OOT part is to cancel it altogether. I'm with your sister on this.

Hallyup89 · 13/05/2022 13:23

@Wednesdayafternoon Thank you xx

Original poster
Wednesdayafternoon · 13/05/2022 13:23

diddl · 13/05/2022 13:21

If your sister &her kids were the only ones invited & she obviously wouldn't be attending it's kind of a moot point really.

Or would she & the not vomiting one have attended & you wanted to prevent that?

So you don't trust her to do what you consider "the right thing"?

My sister has a completely different approach to illnesses then me. She also has a supportive husband and in-laws to help her when she's desperate.
I respect her ways but I don't have to change myself when I don't think something is right. She still tells my elderly mum to watch them when they are sock so she doesn't have to take time off work.

OP posts:
LKsGrowler · 13/05/2022 13:24

Thanks PeekAtYou & apologies OP.

@MNHQ: wha' gwan? Not exaggerating it's painful to read.

Steamoutmyears · 13/05/2022 13:24

Yes I'd cancel. It's not worth it.

Original poster
Wednesdayafternoon · 13/05/2022 13:25

MillieBillie2 · 13/05/2022 13:23

Why didn't you just push it out a week? The OOT part is to cancel it altogether. I'm with your sister on this.

Trouble is that I'm busy the next 2 weekends. I see them every week though so they will be round for tea another day. I'd just feel more comfy leaving a few days whilst the dust settles I still have lots of plans for my son.

OP posts:
CorsicaDreaming · 13/05/2022 13:25

Very very reasonable OP. I have no phobia of vomiting but would absolutely not want a child with a florid sickness bug anywhere near my DS until they were fully better + at least two clear days.

Your sister is the unreasonable one here imo.

JenniferBarkley · 13/05/2022 13:26

OP's posts are fine for me so let's not berate her for a MN problem.

APurpleSquirrel · 13/05/2022 13:27

My sister has a completely different approach to illnesses then me.

What is your sister's different approach?

CorsicaDreaming · 13/05/2022 13:28

@JenniferBarkley - or indeed let's not berate her at all for quite understandably wanting to avoid a horrible sickness bug....

FlibbertyGiblets · 13/05/2022 13:28

I would have cancelled them too. Noro is going round again, you don't want to expose your family to it unnecessarily. YANBU.

Original poster
Wednesdayafternoon · 13/05/2022 13:33

APurpleSquirrel · 13/05/2022 13:27

My sister has a completely different approach to illnesses then me.

What is your sister's different approach?

I'm cautious with illnesses, and I always have been. My mum and and family have been like that.
My sister not so. She is happy for her kids to mix etc.

I'm not knocking her, that's her choice and that's fine. But whilst I understand and respect her view I would hope she would do the same with me.

OP posts: