To cancel a party

[Wednesdayafternoon]

So basically I made the decision to cancel my sons second birthday party. When I say party it really was just a matter of the cousins coming round and having tea in the garden with some toys out etc. I was really looking forward to it, my son was born during lockdown and because of lockdown I do feel like we've missed out on quite a lot when it comes to celebrations and sharing special moments and occasions so I've not made this decision lightly.
Basically my niece has been unwell today. She has a stomach bug. I have a lifelong sickness phobia, it's quite an intense one. I've had counselling and CBT therapy but unfortunately I do struggle to keep on top of my phobia. Anyway his party is in two days so I know the NHS guidelines are that you should wait two days before mixing but I just made the decision to cancel the party because her siblings would be coming round and I would just be very worried about them passing something on. For the sake of having tea in the garden I just don't really think it's worthwhile putting my own children at risk when it comes to mixing when that household of been particularly unwell. To me the benefit doesn't outweigh what concerns me. I will still make it special for my son. This was just one aspect of his birthday.
I tried to discuss this with my sister and I sent her a message just explaining the above from I didn't really feel comfortable. I thought she would understand. If it was the other way round and my household have been unwell and somebody had said that they think its best to not go ahead with the tea because of that then I may well be disappointed but I would completely respect their point of you. Anyway my sister is really unhappy with me. She thinks I've been really disrespectful and I said a big argument with me. My niece was unwell today and as soon as I found out that she had a stomach bug I made the decision to cancel the dinner pretty much straight away. That didn't take away me showing any concern to my neice, I've been checking in on her all yesterday and today. But I just sent a quick message saying that I think that we should cancel. I was going to buy the stuff for the party today so I needed to make the decision today.
Do you guys really think I'm being unreasonable? I understand that you might think I'm being overly cautious, but am I really being unreasonable and did I really deserve a telling off for making the decision today to cancel my sons party?

Thank you for being kind ♥️

Given that stuff needs to be bought today, it seems reasonable to postpone it on the grounds that her other children may well come down with the bug, and you don't want to have bought everything and it go to waste. Far from being disrespectful, you're making it easier for your sister, because she won't have to feel she's letting you down if they can't come. You can have the party another weekend - your son won't know the difference.

I honestly can't see why there would be any issue with this . Your son is going to be 2, he's not arsed. You can always have a tea party any other weekend and invite the cousins.

Your sister is being daft, regardless of whether she thinks your reasoning is OTT.

YANBU. I would suggest that most people
that say otherwise don’t understand the difference between anxiety and phobias.
I hope you have good time celebrating in another way OP. Perhaps you can reschedule the party for a week or two.

I would have delayed it rather than cancelled it. I'd have told my DSIS that I wanted everyone to be well to enjoy the party and scheduled it for next week instead. Then no-one would have felt like they were missing out.

Not a chance would I be casual around tummy bugs and children.

I have no illness phobia per se, but I certainly would actively avoid anyone who hinted at diarrhoea/vomiting bug, especially around children.

I wouldn't ever have met anyone that was cavalier with it.

A child being sick does not necessarily mean a tummy bug & there’s nothing to say her sibling will come down with it or that it would be passed on to your child.

I don’t think you would have been unreasonable to postpone just in case, but I do think you’ve over reacted.

If it’s just your sister and her kids coming I’d rearrange, if the kid is still throwing up today chances are it won’t feel too great tomorrow either, just rearrange for next weekend no biggie.

You are being sensible. I would do the same.
Your sister is being unreasonable.
Its crazy to knowingly encourage a sickness bug into your home, especially as a single mum. I would mind very much if my sister had a go at me for being sensible. Her children have had it so she thinks yours should too. Just not on.
There are enough bugs around without carelessly inviting them in and then having to deal with the difficult consequences. More fool anybody who does that.
Stand your ground on this for now and invite them when they are all well again.

But how can you say it's not unreasonable to postpone and then say I've over rsa ted when that's what I've done?
I sent a really chilled message to my sister and then she had a massive go at me! I definitely didn't make it a big deal.

I don’t have a phobia of sick but I’m still definitely not inviting people round who have recently had a sickness bug or any other bug for that matter.
You shouldn’t have even had to say that to your sister. Why would she think it was ok to come and pass on a virus to you & your family?!
I’d rather be thought of as unreasonable than be up in the night nursing a sick child. It happens whether we like it or not (nursery, supermarket, park etc.) but that’s out of our control as we have no idea who is or isn’t ill. But why would anybody knowingly put their child into the mix for a tummy bug?!

Yes, yabu.

Your sister should have volunteered to cancel, with a vomiting child today of course she should give you the heads up and the choice for the next few days, school and nursery says no to them going in for a few days

Thanks for the replies guys, agreeable or not.
I just needed to chat.
My sister is very disagreeable and overwhelming at times so I tend to agree with her most of the time because I don't like falling out but today was just too far and I was really upset with how she spoke to me!
But the main thing is that the children are ok and my son has a great birthday!
I'm happy with what I decided on the end!

Can’t believe the responses you’re getting here, OP!

the only household who were invited round is my sisters household. So my two children and her two children round in my garden for tea. They have a sickness bug in their household at the moment

Of course cancelling is the right call. Postponing might have sounded better e.g. let’s do it next weekend instead.

YANBU and on a normal day everyone would tell you so!

Of course YANBU.

Anyone with an ounce of common sense wouldn’t be taking their children out and mixing with other kids for at least 48 hours after their child has recovered from a sickness bug.

Only selfish pricks would think to do so is ok.

Re: Phobia.
I do think you should investigate a good hypnotist for your phobia. My DH usually cures phobias in one session. To clarify, I’m not advertising his services on here as we’re not in the U.K.

Yadnbu and your sister sounds incredibly selfish

Thank you! I totally agree, and when I have some spare money I definitely want to get some help with this sickness phobia because it's horrible! I hate it. I'd give anything to not have it!

But my decision on this isn't due to my phobia. For example, if they had Covid which is something I'm not worried about, I still would do the same because why would i knowingly put them in a position where they get unwell?! I just wouldnt and I won't!

Hopefully he'll learn to read & gain some comprehension skills.

the OP has an Older child as well & has explained all of this. Try reading at least an OP's posts if you cba to read a thread before repeating questions!

YADNBU! Your sister sounds v odd.

I’ve got mixed feelings - normally I would think you are being a bit precious but the likelihood is that your sister/her family will still be contagious (as someone else is likely to catch it) and your son is still so young, he won’t remember any of this. On balance I think YANBU.

You will have to work harder to overcome this phobia I’m afraid. When your child starts school, sickness bugs will happen and there’s very little you can do about this.

It isn’t unreasonable to expect people to stay at home for 48 hours after the last time they vomited though so if your niece is vomiting all day today, it’s wise to cancel a get together on Sunday and YANBU to do so.

Whether it's cancelled or postponed, I would have done exactly the same.

I really don't understand people who are blase about stomach bugs that could, potentially, infect the whole family.

I will admit to having some anxiousness around stomach bugs and vomiting, but it's very controlled and I can cope with my own kids. What we do struggle with is that both dh and I work so if both the kids are ill then one of us has to be at home to look after them, and probably catch it ourselves. I struggle to work from home and dh is self employed so we lose both time and money if we're not in work. Hence why we avoid stomach bugs as much as possible.

Op can you postpone until next weekend

Do the party next week?