Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel a party

225 replies

Wednesdayafternoon · 13/05/2022 11:01

So basically I made the decision to cancel my sons second birthday party. When I say party it really was just a matter of the cousins coming round and having tea in the garden with some toys out etc. I was really looking forward to it, my son was born during lockdown and because of lockdown I do feel like we've missed out on quite a lot when it comes to celebrations and sharing special moments and occasions so I've not made this decision lightly.
Basically my niece has been unwell today. She has a stomach bug. I have a lifelong sickness phobia, it's quite an intense one. I've had counselling and CBT therapy but unfortunately I do struggle to keep on top of my phobia. Anyway his party is in two days so I know the NHS guidelines are that you should wait two days before mixing but I just made the decision to cancel the party because her siblings would be coming round and I would just be very worried about them passing something on. For the sake of having tea in the garden I just don't really think it's worthwhile putting my own children at risk when it comes to mixing when that household of been particularly unwell. To me the benefit doesn't outweigh what concerns me. I will still make it special for my son. This was just one aspect of his birthday.
I tried to discuss this with my sister and I sent her a message just explaining the above from I didn't really feel comfortable. I thought she would understand. If it was the other way round and my household have been unwell and somebody had said that they think its best to not go ahead with the tea because of that then I may well be disappointed but I would completely respect their point of you. Anyway my sister is really unhappy with me. She thinks I've been really disrespectful and I said a big argument with me. My niece was unwell today and as soon as I found out that she had a stomach bug I made the decision to cancel the dinner pretty much straight away. That didn't take away me showing any concern to my neice, I've been checking in on her all yesterday and today. But I just sent a quick message saying that I think that we should cancel. I was going to buy the stuff for the party today so I needed to make the decision today.
Do you guys really think I'm being unreasonable? I understand that you might think I'm being overly cautious, but am I really being unreasonable and did I really deserve a telling off for making the decision today to cancel my sons party?

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 13/05/2022 14:28

As party is two days time and she was sick this am as long as isn’t sick anymore today then the 48hrs would be up Sunday am

so a little hasty to cancel now. I would have left to see see if sick again today

your phobia has taken over your life. As they do but you really need to try and take steps to help your phobia esp when start school

we have a bug going round at school at the moment and lots in dd class have been sick or sick currently

if it was more people coming would you have cancelled or just said to sister she can’t come or I’ll niece can’t

Original poster
Wednesdayafternoon · 13/05/2022 14:28

Justcallmeanatm · 13/05/2022 14:23

Op can you postpone until next weekend

Absolutely and I normally would've done this but I'm away next weekend and the one after we're at multiple birthday parties from school 🙈
It's ok I'll make tea special when they next come round!

OP posts:
Original poster
Wednesdayafternoon · 13/05/2022 14:29

Blondeshavemorefun · 13/05/2022 14:28

As party is two days time and she was sick this am as long as isn’t sick anymore today then the 48hrs would be up Sunday am

so a little hasty to cancel now. I would have left to see see if sick again today

your phobia has taken over your life. As they do but you really need to try and take steps to help your phobia esp when start school

we have a bug going round at school at the moment and lots in dd class have been sick or sick currently

if it was more people coming would you have cancelled or just said to sister she can’t come or I’ll niece can’t

Hi not sure if you've read my thread fully but I have had cbt and ongoing counciling.
I also have an older child in school.
I wouldn't so much say it's over taken my life but when I'm triggered it is intense.

OP posts:
EinsteinaGogo · 13/05/2022 14:29

I agree with you, OP.

Your real situation is 'AIBU to cancel my sister coming round tomorrow as they have a sickness bug in the family'.

Some might, some might not, but it's not a massive stretch to see that cancelling is a reasonable thing to do if you want to.

CottonSock · 13/05/2022 14:32

I cancelled under similar circumstances in the winter and my friend was completely understanding (and had asked if they should still come). As a friend / sister should be.

RedPanda901 · 13/05/2022 14:34

YANBU – I am not a single parent but my OH does go away a lot. Having a sickness bug in the house is awful, especially if if there's only one adult there. As others have said, a 2 YO will not remember this party when he's older and it sounds like you can have a nice little gathering just the three of you.

Mosaic123 · 13/05/2022 14:35

I think you are sensible. Just make another date straight away so no one misses out. Your son won't mind having two events!

Iamagog · 13/05/2022 14:48

You are definitely not being unreasonable. Your sister ought to have cancelled herself if her daughter has a sickness bug. There are enough bugs going round without basically voluntarily catching this one! Don’t feel bad for protecting yourself and your kids from an unpleasant illness.

Heyisforhorses · 13/05/2022 14:50

One of my parents is like you and on an extreme level, if there's a bug in my house I cancel any plans I had to visit and do it when I know my whole house is clear. I know the guide is 48 hours but I know how my parent is and what it does to them so I just don't go. My ds is the same with her kids. I know kids will be disappointed but they can be made up to whereas your mental fallout if you go ahead runs deeper let alone if a bug does catch in your house.

sunflowerdaisyrose · 13/05/2022 14:52

Yes I think you were unreasonable to cancel at this stage.

MobLife · 13/05/2022 14:54

Vomiting bugs are horrendous and spread like the bloody plague. YANBU

notagamer · 13/05/2022 14:55

My sister is very disagreeable and overwhelming

be honest Op

you are a touch relived your niece has vomited (quick to jump to stomach bug) given you quite clearly don’t really like your sister.

it’s an anonymous forum, you don’t need to try and convince us otherwise!! 😂

Original poster
Wednesdayafternoon · 13/05/2022 15:01

notagamer · 13/05/2022 14:55

My sister is very disagreeable and overwhelming

be honest Op

you are a touch relived your niece has vomited (quick to jump to stomach bug) given you quite clearly don’t really like your sister.

it’s an anonymous forum, you don’t need to try and convince us otherwise!! 😂

Hahahaha!

No I genuinely was looking forward to their little get together ♥️

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 13/05/2022 15:27

I did read it all yes you are getting help /treatment but it isn’t Really working if you cancel a party that is over 48hrs away incase your kids come down with the bug

if she was sick all day fair enough cancel tonight as should stay in 48hrs like school suggest

but I wouldn’t have cancelled when you did

rnsaslkih · 13/05/2022 15:29

If one of my dc had D&V, I certainly wouldn’t take that illness to my sibling and kids.

a “friend” thought this was ok to do to me a few years ago. Went through me, both kids and dh and we had to stay home for 8 days - spending most of it cleaning up sick and shit. (Kids were young). Well she’s now an ex friend. I wonder why posters are so cool with D&V. I have no phobia of sick or shit. But I don’t want to feel really fucking ill because someone couldn’t be arsed to stay home when D&V was going through their family.

your sister also reacted like a spoilt brat who had her toys taken. She should have accepted your decision regardless of whether she agreed with it.

Vikinga · 13/05/2022 15:46

I don't have a fear of vomiting but I have experienced the whole household having a vomiting bug and it isn't pretty. Avoid at all costs. Your sister is being stupid.

A friend got a bit upset when I asked her not to bring her son to a big party i was having as he had a bug. Disappointing but no way would I risk infecting everyone and kids don't exactly stay away from each other.

Can't you postpone?

CorsicaDreaming · 13/05/2022 16:54

@rnsaslkih - totally agree - and your anger from the earlier stupid inconsiderate friend is palpable from your post. I find that very cathartic as I thought I was in a tiny minority at getting the absolute rage at anti-social selfish people spreading ANY illness around rather than slightly inconveniencing themselves and being considerate of others... I ALWAYS get any respiratory thing far worse than most, so their "mild cold" is my wipe-out-the-next-week.... or for omicron 5 weeks and counting.

And breathe....

Rant over.

Original poster
Wednesdayafternoon · 13/05/2022 16:55

Well my efforts may well have been in vein. Currently at someone else's birthday and one of the children who has come came after being unwell this afternoon. He's played for a bit and now laying on the chairs. 😳😳😳😳

I just don't get it. I don't get how people can bring their kiddies to parties like this!

Pray for me 🙈

OP posts:
CorsicaDreaming · 13/05/2022 16:58

@Wednesdayafternoon - gawd!!! 💐

I swear it's worse, far worse, since after the pandemic. Everyone just seems to have decided on a collective anti-social "Fuck It" on absolutely everything!

notagamer · 13/05/2022 18:13

Wednesdayafternoon · 13/05/2022 16:55

Well my efforts may well have been in vein. Currently at someone else's birthday and one of the children who has come came after being unwell this afternoon. He's played for a bit and now laying on the chairs. 😳😳😳😳

I just don't get it. I don't get how people can bring their kiddies to parties like this!

Pray for me 🙈

Adults go to work not necessarily feeling 100% all the time. Coughs, colds etc.

the expectation that you isolate when a child says they are feeling off - is very peculiar and OTT.

so you are saying this child shouldn’t have come to the party? So following that logic through…. The parents shouldn’t take him anyway? Even if out of sorts but not even close to bed bound?

notagamer · 13/05/2022 18:14

D&V - 48 hours from last vomit - correct

but could gigs and colds and feeling off? If not bed bound, absolutely no issue taking Mine out as long as they’re ok with it

Ethelfromnumber73 · 13/05/2022 19:12

I have absolutely no fear of sickness but think that you did the right thing. These things are mega contagious. Your sister is probably pissed off because is being defensive - maybe she feels that you saying no when she was willing to come involves some sort of judgement of her way of doing things ?

Original poster
Wednesdayafternoon · 13/05/2022 19:24

@notagamer I'd chatted to his mum and his brother had the sickness bug all week and she took his brother to the party despite him feeling sleeping and keep drifting off to sleep (he's 5).
I find it strange you'd take a child to a party who is unwell. that's my opinion.

OP posts:
ludocris · 13/05/2022 19:28

There's a big difference between having a child be sick and taking them to a party 48 hours later, vs having a child who has just start to come down with illness when their sibling has had a sickness bug in recent days, and still taking them to a party! The latter is definitely selfish IMO.

sheepandcaravan · 13/05/2022 20:09

I agree with you OP. And would do the same.

And I don't agree with people taking children anywhere within 48 hours of sickness, or any of the other contagious periods.

But I'm a minority. This does seem a side effect of covid, the bugs are worse, the returns are faster, because, rightly so, people need to work. But I internally rage at those posting on FB about sick children then sending them in or taking them to parties, which they do.