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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU ? Why won’t DH commit to a holiday? No holiday in 4 years !

205 replies

Littepinkyogapants · 08/05/2022 09:20

Been married to DH 2 years
Dated for 18 months before marriage.

We have one DS ( aged 1)
DH has two children DSD 12 . DSS 17

We have never been on holiday . Now I get covid happened but I can’t get DH to ever book a holiday and it always ends up in an argument .I’m at my wits end .

Im on maternity ( I’m A teacher ) I go back to work in September. This is my chance to have a cheap holiday in term time .DH has two weeks off in June but he won’t book a holiday.

My birthday is in June. We never had a honeymoon ….I’m desperate for a break . We
can afford a holiday. …

DH says he feels too guilty to go on holiday without his children .So I said - well let’s book a holiday in August during the school holidays . He won’t commit to that .

Anyway.

I am desperate to go away in June . We can go for £900 all inclusive and I’ll pay as I have been saving !!!!!!
He still won’t commit . Refuses to talk about it and always says ‘ I feel bad about my children ‘
Yet we have agreed we will go on holiday with them in August!?

I know truthfully as does he - its
extremely unlikely that we will
go away in august because he will find some Excuse not to go.

(Even if we do go it will be stressful as DH and DSS don’t always get on and I know I’ll be the one looking after DSD. )

i think I deserve a break in June as I never got a honey moon. Im a good wife and mum and step mum and I want a bloody holiday . Yet DH is acting as if I’m being unreasonable and keeps telling me - ‘Just drop it. we will sort something ! ‘

Am I selfish ?
Am I weak ?
What would you do ???
or am I wrong here ???

I haven’t been on holiday in over 4 years and I feel DH is the one stopping me. I appreciate he has children and would be happy to book a family holiday for us all in august but he wont commit . We both have time off in June and can get away cheaply - he can explain to his children this is our honey moon and we are all going to go away in August…

im sick of limiting my life experience of going on holiday because DH is not Able to commit.

step childrens mother goes on holiday with her husband without the children.

OP posts:
PiffleWiffleWoozle · 08/05/2022 09:22

I would go on my own in June tbh

Lollypop701 · 08/05/2022 09:23

Just book for you and your child. He doesn’t want to go on holiday, if he did he would go

AnotherEmma · 08/05/2022 09:23

Book the holiday. Tell him he can go or not. But either way you're going.

wonderstuff · 08/05/2022 09:23

I’d be tempted to go without him.

what would happen if you just booked it?

balalake · 08/05/2022 09:24

Is this lack of committing to things just the holiday or something wider?

BattenburgDonkey · 08/05/2022 09:24

Go on your own! When did he last go on holiday at all?

balalake · 08/05/2022 09:25

Or is he hiding a fear of flying?

Vikinga · 08/05/2022 09:25

Tell him you're booking it and he has until tomorrow to decide if he's coming with you or not.

Threetulips · 08/05/2022 09:25

I’ve been on holiday with the kids - why not book and take a lovely friend?

Howaboutnope · 08/05/2022 09:26

I'd just book it for the 3 of you and then it's up to him if he wants to come. Could someone take his place if he doesn't go? Like your mum or someone? Honestly I wonder why you married him, sorry.

PukkaP · 08/05/2022 09:26

I'd find a holiday you want to go on and tell him that you'd love him to come, but if he can't commit, you'll go without him. Is he scared of flying?

MrMrsJones · 08/05/2022 09:26

Book it go and enjoy, then divorce his miserable ass when you get back.

blueagain · 08/05/2022 09:26

I don’t understand why you married a man like this? Didn’t you discuss this sort of thing? How did you get together if you didn’t ever go away together? You can’t know you’re compatible until you’ve done a holiday! I don’t understand. I think you’re not compatible really. This sounds way too hard. How can you live your entire life like this! As a teacher you have to get your breaks when you can and summer holidays have to be pre booked. You’re probably too late for august now. If it was me, I’d book and go in June without him. Do you have a friend or other relatives you can go with? Or just go on your own. Somewhere lovely. Sadly with a man like this you’re going to have to get used to parenting on your own. Now you know why his ex dumped him. I bet she’s living her best life while you get stuck with the old dreggs.

Fevertree · 08/05/2022 09:26

Definitely just book it for yourself and baby

Beachmummy23 · 08/05/2022 09:27

YABU to seek his opinion. Book for you all. His choice if he goes

Ylvamoon · 08/05/2022 09:27

Just book for yourself and your DC!
I often take my DC on holiday without DH. Very different issues but I mever regretted it once.

bellac11 · 08/05/2022 09:27

Ive learnt that some people, dont like holidays.

I dont understand it myself but this is what Ive learned

So book for yourself,, your step children and your child and go away. He'll have a little break or not at home

Also you need to clarify what you mean by holiday. I mean going away from home, whether that is in the UK or not. Some people dont like flying or being out of the country, has he said why he doesnt like holidays or is it the type of holiday he doesnt like or the place?

Original poster
Littepinkyogapants · 08/05/2022 09:28

BattenburgDonkey · 08/05/2022 09:24

Go on your own! When did he last go on holiday at all?

I think he went on family holidays with his ex and children . So maybe his last holiday was about 7 or 8 years .

His parents are currently on their 3rd holiday of the year. They were here last week full of excitement.

DH has every excuse


  • covid restrictions

  • war in Ukraine

  • we don’t know what will happen and cod

  • lose our money if ww3 breaks out and we have to cancel .


commitment to trips seems to be an issue and he always says - let’s just do it last minute and get a deal . I say I want to book and have something to look forward too.

OP posts:
Katjolo · 08/05/2022 09:28

Book and go without him. Could you bring someone else instead for an extra pair of hands?

pumpkinpie01 · 08/05/2022 09:29

Could your mum /friend/sibling go with you ? If so I would book with them included then just tell him . A break on your own with a baby could well turn out to not be not that much of a break for you .

GiltEdges · 08/05/2022 09:30

Book the June holiday. Be prepared to go without him if it comes to it.

Bumtum126 · 08/05/2022 09:31

Is it anxiety talking? Is it flying that's a problem?

Lockheart · 08/05/2022 09:32

Book for yourself and go on your own with your child. You're married, not surgically attached at the hip, there's no reason you can't go away without him.

Have you asked him why he never wants to go on holiday? Is he scared of flying? Does he panic about spending money on luxuries because he wants to save?

Whataplanker · 08/05/2022 09:32

I would guess he is scared of flying or just doesn't like holidays. Has he ever talked about family holidays he's been on previously? Did he do them with his ex? Will he go on holiday in the UK?

bellac11 · 08/05/2022 09:33

Littepinkyogapants · 08/05/2022 09:28

I think he went on family holidays with his ex and children . So maybe his last holiday was about 7 or 8 years .

His parents are currently on their 3rd holiday of the year. They were here last week full of excitement.

DH has every excuse


  • covid restrictions

  • war in Ukraine

  • we don’t know what will happen and cod

  • lose our money if ww3 breaks out and we have to cancel .


commitment to trips seems to be an issue and he always says - let’s just do it last minute and get a deal . I say I want to book and have something to look forward too.

Show quote history

My OH is a bit like this, I have to force a lot of things. Its anxiety based, they use illogical and irrational reasons for things but to them it makes sense, they have an underlying anxiety about the 'unknown' but dont necessarily understand it and then have to use a real thing (ie war or covid) to try and justify it,, it then seems like it makes sense to them or can give them a good get out

You just have to book it and get him in the swing of going away. Make sure its something he will enjoy or his anxieties will continue.

When we first got together I just couldnt understand why he wouldnt book the time off or confirm it and I worked out that its just connected to his general anxiety. Plus also the anticipatory anxiety of the morning of the trip or the night before you leave, that was all very difficult for him. He is a bit better now but this is years on!