AIBU ? Why won’t DH commit to a holiday? No holiday in 4 years !

[Littepinkyogapants]

Been married to DH 2 years
Dated for 18 months before marriage.

We have one DS ( aged 1)
DH has two children DSD 12 . DSS 17

We have never been on holiday . Now I get covid happened but I can’t get DH to ever book a holiday and it always ends up in an argument .I’m at my wits end .

Im on maternity ( I’m A teacher ) I go back to work in September. This is my chance to have a cheap holiday in term time .DH has two weeks off in June but he won’t book a holiday.

My birthday is in June. We never had a honeymoon ….I’m desperate for a break . We
can afford a holiday. …

DH says he feels too guilty to go on holiday without his children .So I said - well let’s book a holiday in August during the school holidays . He won’t commit to that .

Anyway.

I am desperate to go away in June . We can go for £900 all inclusive and I’ll pay as I have been saving !!!!!!
He still won’t commit . Refuses to talk about it and always says ‘ I feel bad about my children ‘
Yet we have agreed we will go on holiday with them in August!?

I know truthfully as does he - its
extremely unlikely that we will
go away in august because he will find some Excuse not to go.

(Even if we do go it will be stressful as DH and DSS don’t always get on and I know I’ll be the one looking after DSD. )

i think I deserve a break in June as I never got a honey moon. Im a good wife and mum and step mum and I want a bloody holiday . Yet DH is acting as if I’m being unreasonable and keeps telling me - ‘Just drop it. we will sort something ! ‘

Am I selfish ?
Am I weak ?
What would you do ???
or am I wrong here ???

I haven’t been on holiday in over 4 years and I feel DH is the one stopping me. I appreciate he has children and would be happy to book a family holiday for us all in august but he wont commit . We both have time off in June and can get away cheaply - he can explain to his children this is our honey moon and we are all going to go away in August…

im sick of limiting my life experience of going on holiday because DH is not Able to commit.

step childrens mother goes on holiday with her husband without the children.

I agree, replies like that are quite sinister to me. Full of projection and trying to wind people up

why would I, just to go on holiday? I’m happy to stay home to be honest and with 3 young children any ‘holiday’ is same shit different location anyway 😂

So glad it's not just me

@Changethenamey

this thread isn’t about you though is it.

you may be fine never going on holiday but op isn’t there. Therefore her DH needs to grin and bear it for a couple of weeks a year

I agree with the people who say if he doesn't commit to it tonight, then you should just go ahead and book something for you and your child. Would your DH really miss his baby's first holiday just because his elder children can't go on this one?

This sort of reminds me of arranging for the first vacation with DH. We’d been married for a couple of years and broke, but finally had money to to plan a trip. He was oddly dragging his feat about getting a passport so I just told him one day that I was going to book a cruise, he either got his passport and joined me or he was was going to feel awfully silly as I waved goodbye at the airport.

funny that the next day he told me his application was in in the mail.

Since then we have what we call ‘Vacation Rules’ that apply equally to both of us. We’ll book a vacation with full understanding that if something happens that makes one of us unavailable the other will still go.

In other words book the trip for the 3 of you, he can then be spontaneous by himself at home or with you on holiday. Don’t wait for him to book something (that’s very odd if I’m honest).

Feet 🦶 not feat … but it was a bit of a feat to get him to stop dragging his feet 👣

How come you never ever went away Pre covid and pre children?

I would think he’s fiddling something at work so is scared to take time off. But I’m a cynical cow.

I know… you asked if I had sought help for my anxiety? I answered the op in my original post. Personally I think she should go alone and enjoy herself, if she forces DH to go (who she has never been abroad with) then he might be a miserable sack of shit the entire time and ruin it (like I would be).

@Changethenamey

would you really be a miserable sack of shit on holiday abroad?

We just booked the holiday ! I explained I am more than happy to go on holiday again in August. I think DH was utterly shocked when I explained how worthless this whole ‘thing ‘ was making me feel and that it is not ok for anyone to tell anyone else to ‘ leave it alone and stop going on!’
Im his wife .
Thank you all!

Go on your own with your child. You'll find it very empowering

My husband works from home! Thank you !!!!!!!!

We had uk breaks but never got away abroad . I just don’t think the idea of a holiday abroad really excites him . But I love holidays abroad - food . Sight seeing , reading at the beach etc. DH would rather - go to Cornwall - which whilst lovely is probably way more expensive as a week In the sun at an all inclusive xx
i compromise a lot but I’m not willing to not go abroad anymore . Or deal with his aversion to not booking or commiting to a holiday .

Some people like travelling and some not. Obviously your DH does not need an overseas holiday and you do. I would just tell him seriously that you are booking a holiday when and where with your child and if he does not confirm by a certain date, you two will go and he cannot complain. You have been talking about it long enough and if you don't act, he won't take you seriously. I cannot imagine not travelling for 4 years. I personally need to go abroad to recharge

Well done for standing your ground and booking it.

There’s more going on here, I think anxiety. Have you tried booking a surprise weekend away? That way he can’t talk himself out of it. Somewhere not too far, an hour or sos drive? If it’s been years, it might be worth taking it’s slowly . He will need to build up confidence. Taking the first step away s hard. Good luck.

OP just book it. I am a lone parent and we manage abroad just fine and we do weird and wonderful non-package holidays to strange places a few times a year. Travel is my only thing and pre-covid (and during covid) we just followed the cheap flights. Late DH was not as into travel as me but when I booked, he suddenly wanted to join us.
The arguement of late deals is very out of date, particularly post covid, prices for flights have gone up a lot, particularly nearer flight times. Airlines are not flying with empty seats and lots of flights from my regional airports have been cancelled and people bumped to flights from major airports. Your DH may suddenly want to join you if you book, if not this is something for you and DC going forward. Find a friend to join you or just go alone. I am sure you would rather a family break but if not you need to be positive about the alternative and have the mindset it will be an amazing break away without DH.

Sorry- just read your update- have an amazing time!

I couldn't bear this. People who have no desire to go away on holiday are interminably dull.

I'd book and go with my son. I wouldn't even mention it anymore, when we were going on holiday and pack when he was at work and leave a note for him to find when he got home.
See you in two weeks me and ds have gone on holidays.
My friend actually did this had the same problem as you and he followed her out there two days after she left. X

Well done you OP and sorting out your holiday.

Make sure everyone's passports are in date. Properly from the date of issue.

I would quite happily walk out on a marriage for something like this.

My husband works from home! Thank you !!!!!!!!

She means he's doing something dodgy at work that would be noticeable if he's not there to cover it up, not that he's fiddling someone

The logic doesn't work anyway as he already had the time booked off.