AIBU ? Why won’t DH commit to a holiday? No holiday in 4 years !

[Littepinkyogapants]

Been married to DH 2 years
Dated for 18 months before marriage.

We have one DS ( aged 1)
DH has two children DSD 12 . DSS 17

We have never been on holiday . Now I get covid happened but I can’t get DH to ever book a holiday and it always ends up in an argument .I’m at my wits end .

Im on maternity ( I’m A teacher ) I go back to work in September. This is my chance to have a cheap holiday in term time .DH has two weeks off in June but he won’t book a holiday.

My birthday is in June. We never had a honeymoon ….I’m desperate for a break . We
can afford a holiday. …

DH says he feels too guilty to go on holiday without his children .So I said - well let’s book a holiday in August during the school holidays . He won’t commit to that .

Anyway.

I am desperate to go away in June . We can go for £900 all inclusive and I’ll pay as I have been saving !!!!!!
He still won’t commit . Refuses to talk about it and always says ‘ I feel bad about my children ‘
Yet we have agreed we will go on holiday with them in August!?

I know truthfully as does he - its
extremely unlikely that we will
go away in august because he will find some Excuse not to go.

(Even if we do go it will be stressful as DH and DSS don’t always get on and I know I’ll be the one looking after DSD. )

i think I deserve a break in June as I never got a honey moon. Im a good wife and mum and step mum and I want a bloody holiday . Yet DH is acting as if I’m being unreasonable and keeps telling me - ‘Just drop it. we will sort something ! ‘

Am I selfish ?
Am I weak ?
What would you do ???
or am I wrong here ???

I haven’t been on holiday in over 4 years and I feel DH is the one stopping me. I appreciate he has children and would be happy to book a family holiday for us all in august but he wont commit . We both have time off in June and can get away cheaply - he can explain to his children this is our honey moon and we are all going to go away in August…

im sick of limiting my life experience of going on holiday because DH is not Able to commit.

step childrens mother goes on holiday with her husband without the children.

Why do you need his approval on this? Just book a holiday and tell him you’re going and if he comes with you, he comes with you. If he doesn’t, he doesn’t.

Have you always needed his permission and approval to spend money that you also earn?

Just make sure all your passports are in date.

FWIW we haven’t been on holiday for 4 years.

We decided to have a winter break rather than a summer holiday and were looking to go away in December 2019. I was leaving it to the last minute to book which was fortunate in a way because we all got what we think was Covid and Myself and Ds especially couldn’t make it into the garden let alone Gatwick.
We didn’t go away in 2020 and 2021 mainly because we couldn’t afford to isolate in a hotel for weeks after coming back into the U.K. and we aren’t planning on going away this year. The vaccine passport advice keeps changing.
Maybe next year we will make it.
My problem is I am not vaccinated. I am allergic to not only the Covid vaccines but all vaccines and the needles used to give the vaccine/take blood etc (which explains a lot)

Hopefully 2023 will see a return to normality

I don’t want to holiday in this country as it is far too expensive.

Hysterical nonsense. Why does every ‘my husband’s annoying me’ thread always devolve into LTB!! replies.

Does he have an addiction? A friend's partner wouldn't go on holidays abroad and she eventually found out he was addicted to cannabis, so wouldn't go anywhere where he'd have to go through customs.

Also, my DH isn't that into holidays, but I just book them, and he always comes when it comes to it. I do always discuss with DH where we should go and get his opinions and always book somewhere that I think he'd like. But when it comes to actually putting the deposit down and booking it, I just do it and don't tell him until afterwards, because if I don't, I know I'll get a barrage of worries about work etc. I would just go with me and our DDs if he didn't come, and he knows that.

LTB

P.s on the vote 4% voting YABU…would love to know why on earth why?!

@SleeplessInEngland

being pissed off at no holiday in 4 years doesn’t constitute “hysterical nonsense”

p.s hysterical is such a misogynistic term, you wanna check yourself with that

OK, totally prepared to be flamed here...
I don't like holidays.

I love my house - no where else is going to compare.

I love cooking and my local produce - eating out usually results in a something I could have cooked better at home.

Anything above 20c is uncomfortable for me - I have or con fitted at home to deal with this.

I really really really hate packing.

I see little benefit for me personally of going on holiday.

Each to their own and all that.

Live and let live.

I just explained above my YABU

@TableDesk

You must have a properly amazing house then, with amazing views and all the rest of it, if that’s the case?!

Also, in OP’s case it’s irrelevant. OP’s partner may be just the same as you but fact is in a relationship you have to compromise. They stay home weeks and weeks on end - staying home suits home. Op wants to go away a couple of weeks a year - her partner might not want to but fact is he gets his way by them being at home most of the time so he should compromise and go on holiday with her. He can’t have it all his own way, nooone can in a relationship.

pretty simple really.

@TableDesk

also still can’t believe nowhere else “can compare” to your house 🤣

Agree with every point @SpidersAreShitheads has said and actually if I think about it more, I also hate people staying at my house.

Also never got the sleepover memo as a child!

Some of us are just wired differently and see holidays as a source of stress instead of relaxation.

My perfect holiday would be for everyone else to go on holiday and leave me at home for 2 weeks! Alone!

I'd go without him. Is there anyone who might want to go with you? Travelling alone with a baby could be rough.

In fairness, nowhere else compares to my house either - and I live in a two-bed terraced house.

But it's mine, it's set up for my comforts and it's how I like it. I have everything I need in it.

For that reason, nothing compares to my house - but I wouldn't expect anyone else to agree.

I'm in the middle of buying a new house which is bigger (desperately needed due to DC), lovely big garden etc. I'll still be very sad to leave here for a while, because I love my home.

There's lots of reasons why somewhere might be preferable - luxury facilities and panoramic views don't account for everything.

Honestly not a humble brag, but I designed and built my house myself, it truly is a one off, the views are spectacular, I have my own lake and live off the beaten track. When people visit, they are often stunned at house / views.

Maybe I will revise a little and say no where I could realistically afford or be prepared to pay (thinking 4 figures per night) would compare to my house.

I did say I was prepared to get flamed!

If the cap fits wear it. Don’t worry, I use the term to describe OTT men as well.

What you are asking of him is totally reasonable. I really do hope that you now get your holiday (but make sure your passports are all in date and that your baby already has one as passport offices are being a real lottery at the moment).

Assuming all is well on that front, if he backs out of booking tonight then you just go ahead and book for yourself and your baby in June. With or without him. If you are happy to go alone then fine, or perhaps a friend or family member might like to go with you. Whatever happens, don't miss what will be one of your few opportunities for a term time holiday. My parents were both teachers so we could only ever have family holidays either during the Easter holiday or in August when I was growing up, which was very expensive.

I hope you do get to resolve this. Maybe it is taking the first step that is the hardest part for him and it might settle down after that. We can but hope.

@TableDesk Yes! I forgot about people sleeping at my house - I don't like that either! And I didn't like it as a child.....

Two weeks peace at home sounds like the perfect "holiday". I think we're in the minority but I"m OK with that 🤷‍♀️😅

Mind you, I've just seen your other comment and your house sounds stunning. I wouldn't want to leave it either.

You can have the best house in the world and still want to have a holiday.

Sometimes actually it’s a case of going somewhere that from a material point of view might actually be considered less nice than your house. But it’s about getting out there and exploring the world, broadening your horizons and different cultures and ways of life.

You just cannot get that if you never leave the country

OP’s husband may be a home bird like @TableDesk and @SpidersAreShitheads but his wife isn’t, so for a couple of weeks a year he can suck it up and bloody go with her! The rest of the year he gets his way doesn’t he

Go on your own with your baby. Have the best time! Sit down this evening and tell DH right I am booking this holiday for me and Dc. Are you coming? Then book it!

fwiw I don’t like holidays abroad either - I hate flying, find the run up and airport incredibly stressful. Get homesick. Stress about what to do if something happens. Stress about flight home. Get bored sitting around a pool but too anxious to explore in case we get lost. Arranged Excursions cost a fortune. On top of paying hundreds of pounds. It’s just not worth it for me 😬

@Changethenamey

Have you sought help for your anxiety?
that sounds awful for you

Out of interest, how can you get homesick when you’re away for like 2 weeks max and no you will be coming home then. Like what things are you missing /craving from home?

If he won't book it tonight. Tell him very clearly (and do it) you're booking one tomorrow. Have you got someone else who can go with you as another adult ?

We all have passports in which are in date. I did the steps childrens as well as they had expired . Either he books it tonight .
or I do it tomorrow and won’t feel guilty .

Thank you for all the replies .

You go for it OP

Good for you OP!