AIBU ? Why won’t DH commit to a holiday? No holiday in 4 years !

[Littepinkyogapants]

Been married to DH 2 years
Dated for 18 months before marriage.

We have one DS ( aged 1)
DH has two children DSD 12 . DSS 17

We have never been on holiday . Now I get covid happened but I can’t get DH to ever book a holiday and it always ends up in an argument .I’m at my wits end .

Im on maternity ( I’m A teacher ) I go back to work in September. This is my chance to have a cheap holiday in term time .DH has two weeks off in June but he won’t book a holiday.

My birthday is in June. We never had a honeymoon ….I’m desperate for a break . We
can afford a holiday. …

DH says he feels too guilty to go on holiday without his children .So I said - well let’s book a holiday in August during the school holidays . He won’t commit to that .

Anyway.

I am desperate to go away in June . We can go for £900 all inclusive and I’ll pay as I have been saving !!!!!!
He still won’t commit . Refuses to talk about it and always says ‘ I feel bad about my children ‘
Yet we have agreed we will go on holiday with them in August!?

I know truthfully as does he - its
extremely unlikely that we will
go away in august because he will find some Excuse not to go.

(Even if we do go it will be stressful as DH and DSS don’t always get on and I know I’ll be the one looking after DSD. )

i think I deserve a break in June as I never got a honey moon. Im a good wife and mum and step mum and I want a bloody holiday . Yet DH is acting as if I’m being unreasonable and keeps telling me - ‘Just drop it. we will sort something ! ‘

Am I selfish ?
Am I weak ?
What would you do ???
or am I wrong here ???

I haven’t been on holiday in over 4 years and I feel DH is the one stopping me. I appreciate he has children and would be happy to book a family holiday for us all in august but he wont commit . We both have time off in June and can get away cheaply - he can explain to his children this is our honey moon and we are all going to go away in August…

im sick of limiting my life experience of going on holiday because DH is not Able to commit.

step childrens mother goes on holiday with her husband without the children.

Just go on your own with your child.

I know someone who was in your same situation except they didn’t have a child together. He refused to go on holiday because of the dc her dsc . They were teens also , she said I’ll go on my own then and she did but she hated being on her own . When she came back though he was all apologetic and wanted to book a holiday together and they did . I think he really didn’t expect her to go alone .if you think you’ll enjoy on your own go but I’d just tell him that you’ve booked the holiday he’s got the annual leave just tell him to tell the kids will sort a break in the holidays .

My husband is like this. His comes from anxiety (and a lot of his reasons sound like your husbands)
I cracked and booked a holiday for DD and me 3 years ago - he later said he regretted not coming. Covid has hampered us recently but I’ll do that again.
what I do is find the holiday - tell him DD and I are going, I’m booking it on x day so he has until then to decide if he’s joining us.

Book for you and your son in June, and then book a much cheaper (camping or caravan or self catering cheap UK break) in August for the 4 of you, you're all one big family now

You surely have joint money anyway, spread the cost so that you can afford both. If you havent had a holiday in some years then 2 in one year is not beyond the realms of possibility although obviously you may have difficulty financially.

Also I'm curious about how you and your husband manage finances. You write about saving up and being able to afford to pay for a holiday yourself, so you must have separate finances. If the finances are not split fairly, that's another issue, in general and also because you can't book an expensive holiday without his agreement and financial contribution.

She's their step mother, she is part of their family now.

I’ve not voted as YABU

YABU
He doesn’t want to go on holiday - so stop pushing him.

It was very unfair of his ‘friend’ to comment on it when it’s none of their business and there’s obviously a reason he doesn’t want to go.
Do holidays = love now?

He is BU
As he needs to stop delaying things and just say he doesn’t want to go so you’re not waiting for him.

He doesn’t need to tell you why he doesn’t want to go.
His reason is irrelevant.
I know many people who won’t travel at the moment due to various reasons like covid, war, anxiety due to lockdowns etc.

You want a holiday in June.
If you don’t go you’ll end up resenting him.
So you need to tell him you’ll be going on holiday and it’s up to him if he wants to come or not.

You could find somewhere very cheap out of season and still have enough money to go away in August with the SDCs too so he doesn’t feel guilty.

Well yes of course. But that doesn't mean she has to pay for and take her stepchildren on holiday when their father refuses.

Or book the holiday for everyone in August and if he doesn’t come then ask a friend or family member to come instead.
Its his loss.

She's already said she can't afford it - presumably doesn't have access to his money so need him
to agree before booking.

Actually Ive just remembered another crackpot reason that my partner mentioned the other week (although he is now into holidays, going abroad is another matter, excuse after excuse). I was looking at French trips now that we dont have a dog and he said 'but what if Le Pen gets in'

Honestly, you couldnt make it up Im sitting here laughing now at the preposterousness of it but he is serious!!!

Go away on your own or with the baby. You need a holiday. You can afford it. So take one. My brother lives in Canada. I wanted to take the DC to visit. DH said he didn’t want to come because of his holiday allowance (he had plenty) I went anyway. We had an amazing time. DH was so gutted he didn’t comes. I’ve also taken the DC away when they were younger and DH had exams. Again I feel 0 guilt. I make my choices and he made his. He could actually study better without me and the DC in the house.
Hope you have a wonderful holiday.

I’d book it in June. Tell him you’re booking next weekend and he has till then to come with you or not. Tell him his last family had family holidays and you will NOT drop it, and how dare he be so rude to you. You are entitled to holidays too and will have some with or without him.

Some people are just not into holidays, which is fine. He may also be concerned about spending money unnecessarily. Again fair enough.
If I were you, I would tell him I am intent on going away in June. It would be lovely if he came but if he won't, I ll go on my own with baby.

I see that as being a family unit, she shouldnt pay for it solely no, I would assume they have joint finances

But my view would be book the thing and its likely he will go, his kids will be excited to go.

Go away with a friend in Nine and leave your DS at home with his Dad.

Holidays with young DC are not holidays tbh.

Why did he end up divorced? Has he always just opted out of large chunks of family life?

Go on the June holiday and keep booking trips for you/your son/friends.

Does he usually just expect you to drop subjects if he doesn’t want to discuss them? Wonder why his marriage didn’t work out 🙄

Same. I would tell him im booking something today. Is it for 3 or 2?

please book your damn holiday! Enjoy every second ☀️

Really she doesn't have any obligation to take her step children unless their father is going, whether or not she is part of the family. Their own mother goes on holidays without them. Plus June is cheaper and in school time.

Id book June for me and my child but give him today to decide if he is coming. Then if he wants a holiday in August with everyone he can sort that.

@Onwards22
You hit the nail on the head

‘he needs to stop delaying things and just say he doesn’t want to go so you’re not waiting for him.’

because this is the crux . If he doesn’t want to go - tell me and I can drop it and I can get excited to book a holiday . I’m just stuck waiting .

We have joint finances .
mom not willing to pay £4K to book a family holiday of 5 in august with worry that DH won’t come and I’ll have to take everyone on holiday. I love the step children but don’t think they world come on holiday with me alone without their dad . I think DSD would but I’d be terrified if anything went wrong as I’m not their birth parent . Eg /
medical emergency.

My oh has always been really faffy about booking holidays so it's always been me being the driving force to book them and we've always had a nice time. Can't the other 2 take time off school in June to go? Otherwise like others have said just tell him you are booking it, he doesn't seem to have a valid excuse why not so just crack on or it will never happen.

@Onwards22

You hit the nail on the head

‘he needs to stop delaying things and just say he doesn’t want to go so you’re not waiting for him.’

because this is the crux . If he doesn’t want to go - tell me and I can drop it and I can get excited to book a holiday . I’m just stuck waiting .

We have joint finances .
im not willing to pay £4K to book a family holiday of 5 in august with worry that DH won’t come and I’ll have to take everyone on holiday. I love the step children but don’t think they would come on holiday with me alone without their dad . I think DSD would but bite sure .
I’d be terrified if anything went wrong as I’m not their birth parent . Eg /
medical emergency.

Tell him your booking one and if he doesn't want to come you'll go with a friend instead