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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU ? Why won’t DH commit to a holiday? No holiday in 4 years !

205 replies

Littepinkyogapants · 08/05/2022 09:20

Been married to DH 2 years
Dated for 18 months before marriage.

We have one DS ( aged 1)
DH has two children DSD 12 . DSS 17

We have never been on holiday . Now I get covid happened but I can’t get DH to ever book a holiday and it always ends up in an argument .I’m at my wits end .

Im on maternity ( I’m A teacher ) I go back to work in September. This is my chance to have a cheap holiday in term time .DH has two weeks off in June but he won’t book a holiday.

My birthday is in June. We never had a honeymoon ….I’m desperate for a break . We
can afford a holiday. …

DH says he feels too guilty to go on holiday without his children .So I said - well let’s book a holiday in August during the school holidays . He won’t commit to that .

Anyway.

I am desperate to go away in June . We can go for £900 all inclusive and I’ll pay as I have been saving !!!!!!
He still won’t commit . Refuses to talk about it and always says ‘ I feel bad about my children ‘
Yet we have agreed we will go on holiday with them in August!?

I know truthfully as does he - its
extremely unlikely that we will
go away in august because he will find some Excuse not to go.

(Even if we do go it will be stressful as DH and DSS don’t always get on and I know I’ll be the one looking after DSD. )

i think I deserve a break in June as I never got a honey moon. Im a good wife and mum and step mum and I want a bloody holiday . Yet DH is acting as if I’m being unreasonable and keeps telling me - ‘Just drop it. we will sort something ! ‘

Am I selfish ?
Am I weak ?
What would you do ???
or am I wrong here ???

I haven’t been on holiday in over 4 years and I feel DH is the one stopping me. I appreciate he has children and would be happy to book a family holiday for us all in august but he wont commit . We both have time off in June and can get away cheaply - he can explain to his children this is our honey moon and we are all going to go away in August…

im sick of limiting my life experience of going on holiday because DH is not Able to commit.

step childrens mother goes on holiday with her husband without the children.

OP posts:
myuterusistryingtokillme · 09/05/2022 19:07

tomatoandherbs · 09/05/2022 07:43

But she knew he was unenthused BEFORE they were married, before covid, before children.

the op never even booked one for the two of them when they were in first flush of romance.

i agree. I could never be with someone unenthused about holidays. But she knew this about him right from the start

But surely being in a relationship with someone who isn't bothered about holidays would mean some level of compromise? You go every other year rather than annually, life shouldn't always be about one partners preferences

WouldBeGood · 09/05/2022 19:32

If you never want to go anywhere on holiday you’re a miserable dullard in my view.

There’s a big wide world out there!

LuckySantangelo35 · 09/05/2022 21:30

SpidersAreShitheads · 09/05/2022 17:25

You're misunderstanding me.

I completely understand and agree that someone who wants to travel and enjoy overseas holidays isn't very compatible with someone who doesn't enjoy them and just doesn't want to go. I absolutely accept that for many people, an overseas holiday is an important and integral part of their lives.

No judgement from me. And there are limits to how much you should compromise to be with a partner because otherwise resentment builds. It's normal to want to share your holidays with a partner, and a lifetime of not being able to do that could really affect a relationship.

I agree that differences are fine in a relationship but core values matter and if you're passionate about holidays and travel, of course this would be a deal breaker.

No question.

But what I take HUGE and serious offence to is the accusation - which you've just repeated - that you'd find me "dull" because I don't like travel. It's rude and sneery and just bloody horrible actually. I have many faults, many, but being dull doesn't tend to be one of them. If you were in a relationship with me, of course you'd feel stifled because we couldn't travel together and I understand that totally. But you, and PP, sneering and saying that people who don't travel are dull and uninteresting is quite honestly ridiculous, insulting and rude. As I previously said, lots of people just go and plonk their arse on a beach for two weeks and I fail to see how that single act makes them a more interesting person than me?!

It's two different issues. Yes, I agree that people who like to travel shouldn't be confined by those who hate it. But no I don't agree that not enjoying travel makes you dull. It's the latter I object to.

And for what it's worth, I love reading travel books and hearing about people going on holiday so I have no judgement at all from people who enjoy it. Live your life. Have fun. But don't you dare to judge me as "dull" because I'm different to you.

Show quote history

@SpidersAreShitheads

I think you’re misunderstanding me too!

I have no desire either to plunk myself on a beach for two weeks! I get out and about on public transport and see and do as much as I can
whilst I’m there - it’s fab and yes I do learn a lot contrary to those sneery posters who
say you can only learn anything about culture or a way of life by living there for 18month +

I want a partner who will experience these new and different things with me! If they are refusing to, that would be a deal breaker for me. Sounds like it may be for the OP too

LuckySantangelo35 · 09/05/2022 21:33

myuterusistryingtokillme · 09/05/2022 19:07

But surely being in a relationship with someone who isn't bothered about holidays would mean some level of compromise? You go every other year rather than annually, life shouldn't always be about one partners preferences

Show quote history

@myuterusistryingtokillme

no!
the other traveL adverse partner gets their preference the vast majority of the year - to stay at home! So they can bloody suck if and go on hol abroad 1-2 weeks per year !

myuterusistryingtokillme · 09/05/2022 22:24

That's what I meant, they could compromise as it isn't all about their preference!

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