DH friend or am I over reacting

[bibbitybobbitybugger]

Hello all.
Name changed.

But of history.
But friendship group all married. Ranging in age.

Found out that husband has been messaging a friend daily since before lockdown.

Messages started as daily min dance how are you etc.

Since middle of last year the messages have become flirty and sexual. Cross boundaries for sure.
He says it's an inside joke.

Also they are now daily good morning and night
Kisses on them all.
Pet names and inside jokes.
Talking about other friends and partners etc.
Photos from him not her that I can see.

And he's said to her at Christmas that they are more than friends.

Messages were also when he was on a lad holiday and she was in hospital.

Am I over reacting as he thinks I am and that I'm doing this to stop a friendship.

This is an emotional affair at the very least imo. Did you ask him? Is that when he told you you were overreacting?

I pressed send too quickly.

The flirty banter then turned sexual with what they would do to each other and how they wouldn't be allowed alone in the same room etc.

They have lots of shared interests and hobbies.
She is 10 years younger than him.

@TheWayTheLightFalls he said they are best friends and it's banter

You're not overreacting. He's trying to gaslight you.

You know you’re not overreacting. Does he message his male friends the same every day and tell them they are more than friends? If it’s so innocent why doesn’t he do that with everyone? Because it isn’t normal.

He's having an emotional affair hoping it turns physical.

@WTAFFF I have said this and he said it's because they are close it doesn't mean anything.

Deep down I know it's wrong. I just didn't think he would do it. He's a moral compass, he stopped speaking to a friend years ago when the friend done this so it's a shock.

So......he'd be happy if you were messaging a male friend like this?

Nooooooope. That’s not a friend, that’s an affair. Simple. I think his response to you is classic gaslighting. I’m really sorry he’s doing this 😥

You are not overreacting. This is crossing the line.
They are more than just friends and he has said that! He can’t then say they’re just friends!
how did you find out, is he not protective over his phone?
for me, the trust would totally be gone.
im sorry he’s done this, don’t let him fool you anymore!

Ahhh OP. No way. They’ve totally crossed a line there. They’re having an emotional affair with a view to it becoming sexual. So sorry. That would be a dealbreaker for me!
Ask him how he would feel if it were you and one of his friends.

He said the photo he sent (naked) he was showing her his body shape as he's been working out more and she asked.
I haven't seen any from her.
He's admitted in messages he's not been able to take his eyes off her when she's visited

@SofieM0 we attended a wedding a few weeks ago and I wanted the photos from his phone and she messaged via WhatsApp which I thought was strange as he doesn't use it

Fuck him off OP.

That would be the end of my marriage. It's utterly unacceptable.

And it doesn't matter how much he protests he's done nothing wrong. I don't know a single person who would be happy that their partner was messaging someone else discussing the sexual things they'd like to do to them if they got them alone in a room. You don't have to convince him that he's crossed a line.

You just have to draw that line, tell him you are done and that he's fucked his marriage. Whether he thinks you are over-reacting is his problem.

Is he happy to share all his messages to this woman with her husband (you say you are all married) and see if her husband thinks you are over-reacting?

Your shitbag of a husband is gaslighting you. Do not allow him to do this. He is having an affair, plain and simple.

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

I just laughed so hard I nearly passed out. Would you, or any woman you know, insist that a male person send you/her a naked photo so you/she could comment on his body shape?

Do these ridiculous men think we all came down in the last shower. Or that they are so marvellous that we will happily subsist on a diet of bullshit?

Thank you all

Deep down I knew I wasn't over reacting. I'm just shocked. He was so calm about it like he believed he's done nothing wrong.

I don't even think it's an emotional affair, it's just an affair. He's cheating.

Sorry if I wasn’t clear. Send him packing, OP. If he’s not actually sleeping with her he’s been trying reeeeally hard.

I’d book yourself an appointment for STI tests, I’m afraid.

He 100% knows he's doing something wrong, that's why he's gaslighting you. He's hoping you're stupid enough to believe his utterly ridiculous lies.

Because the whole thing has become his normal he can't associate it with being wrong.
Imo.

@FloraPostePosts

I do believe they haven't been physical as none of the friendship group as met up.

The things he's said to her he's never brought up before.

@Maydaysoonenough
It's been on WhatsApp since 2019 but he changed his number so don't know about before.

This is an emotional affair that could turn into more. They are both being inappropriate. He’s deleting the pictures she sends him. He shouldn’t be sending naked pictures to a ‘friend’ and he is gaslighting you into making you think it’s your fault and in your head.
sorry but you need to confront him over this, these are inappropriate messages and it’s crossed the line completely.