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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband Drunk For 3 Days At Wedding

223 replies

GD12 · 11/04/2022 21:04

AIBU?

So my husband was best man at his friend's wedding. We arrived after a long drive on the Friday at the hotel and left on the Monday.
After we arrived at 8pm he went to meet his friend at the bar and got drunk.
I don't drink so I stayed in the room and he arrived back at midnight.
On the day of the wedding, at the reception he again got really drunk.
On the Sunday he went to meet his friend and new wife and family for lunch and I had a walk around the local town. When I turned up at 6pm again he was drunk and downing the drinks.

I'm not saying he was a bad drunk or did anything wrong when he was drunk, he still sat and talked to me etc but I just feel it was a bit over the score to be drinking so much when I was stone cold sober all weekend and he does change when drunk and it annoys me. I said to him on the Sunday night "did you have to drink so much all weekend" and he said he was enjoying himself and couldn't see what the problem was.

He doesn't get drunk or drink very often, maybe ever 4 or 5 months but when he does he really drinks a lot.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 11/04/2022 21:05

Yabu

He was best man at his friend’s wedding; and he had a few drinks over a few days- really don’t see the issue

MichelleScarn · 11/04/2022 21:07

Why didn't you go to the lunch? Not invited or because they'd be drunkenness?

ApolloandDaphne · 11/04/2022 21:08

I'm not really sure what he has done wrong. He was part of a wedding party and had some drinks. He wasn't out of order just drink and he doesn't get drunk often.

Cheeseandlobster · 11/04/2022 21:08

It was a wedding. He drinks every 4 or 5 months. It's not his fault you don't drink and to be honest you sound miserable. Why didn't you go to lunch on the Sunday too?

PartyPlan · 11/04/2022 21:08

If he doesn’t do this all the time, I think it’s fine for him to let his hair down for a special occasion.

Piper22 · 11/04/2022 21:08

YABU

HelloDulling · 11/04/2022 21:08

Why did you stay in the room, then go off on your own? If you chose to do your own thing, I don’t see how you can complain if he chooses to go out boozing.

MichelleScarn · 11/04/2022 21:08

And what's your opinion of 'too much' my colleague thinks anymore than a glass of wine at dinner is too much!

Original poster
GD12 · 11/04/2022 21:10

@MichelleScarn

Why didn't you go to the lunch? Not invited or because they'd be drunkenness?
Boozy lunch, they're his friends who live far away and I don't know them really well and didn't want to sit in the pub all day, it's not my thing.
OP posts:
Mumdiva99 · 11/04/2022 21:10

Why didn't you meet up with the friend on Friday night and go for lunch on Sunday? Do you not socialise with your husband? You don't have to drink to be in a pub. (Not the point of your post but it stands out you alienated yourself from your husband and his friends.)

BoodleBug51 · 11/04/2022 21:11

Not sure I'd find a grown man acting like an Inbetweener that attractive tbh.

You were very patient occupying yourself while he got pissed.

I'm assuming that the money he spent won't have any financial impact?

nomistake · 11/04/2022 21:11

Meh. Many have done similar in his position. If its not a regular thing and he didn't act like a dickhead then no harm done.

Springhassprung86 · 11/04/2022 21:15

Sorry OP but I think YABU. It sounds like you went to the wedding with him but went out of your way to not be involved at all. A bit miserable isn’t it? If it’s not your thing then don’t go?
If he’s usually a good guy and isn’t a nasty drunk I think you’re being really unreasonable begrudging him a boozy weekend celebrating his best friends wedding.

Original poster
GD12 · 11/04/2022 21:15

@Mumdiva99

Why didn't you meet up with the friend on Friday night and go for lunch on Sunday? Do you not socialise with your husband? You don't have to drink to be in a pub. (Not the point of your post but it stands out you alienated yourself from your husband and his friends.)
Because I'd be sitting drinking coke whilst everyone was downing drinks and talking slurred nonsense.
OP posts:
Alfixnm · 11/04/2022 21:17

I'm afraid i also think YABU. It doesn't exactly sound like he went wild. And honestly one of the great joys of life is getting to spend a long weekend hangimh out with all of your favourite people - especially if you're celebrating something nice. For a large proportion of adults, that involves having a few casual drinks together.

I haven't had the opportunity to spend a weekend like that in several years so I'm slightly jealous!!

CheesePlantMurderer · 11/04/2022 21:17

YABU

why didn't you go and meet them all on the Sunday? Also not drinking girdled doesn't mean you need to avoid all social events involving alcohol surely?

WeSellAnyBra · 11/04/2022 21:17

I don’t think he did anything wrong, but it does sound like a drag for you. If it were a regular occurrence, I’d say you are fundamentally not well suited if he likes getting on it and you’re tee total. But as it’s a rare occurrence and it was his best friends wedding, I think you should’ve sucked it up and said nothing.

Next time, make plans of your own that you’ll enjoy. Me and my husband are similar. He’s not a big drinker, but does get on it a few times a year. I don’t drink at all. We are going away for a weekend to his friends wedding in June, and I’ve planned to drive so I can exit the reception if it all gets too boozy for me and go back to our hotel. I’ve also planned a massage for the following morning when he will inevitably be sleeping off his hangover!

Alfixnm · 11/04/2022 21:18

*hanging out

greenlynx · 11/04/2022 21:18

YANBU imo but I’m firmly in the camp that you can have a good time without being drunk.
I don’t like his pattern of drinking it’s like he can’t control himself and stop once he started drinking. My Dad was alcoholic so this behavior’s very familiar to me. My Dad was able to hold on for a bit but then … He could never manage the concept of one pint.
Lots of people will tell that it’s ok and it might be true for them, the question is how you feel about it.

Original poster
GD12 · 11/04/2022 21:20

@Alfixnm

I'm afraid i also think YABU. It doesn't exactly sound like he went wild. And honestly one of the great joys of life is getting to spend a long weekend hangimh out with all of your favourite people - especially if you're celebrating something nice. For a large proportion of adults, that involves having a few casual drinks together.

I haven't had the opportunity to spend a weekend like that in several years so I'm slightly jealous!!

Yeah, I think I ABU. I grew up with an alcoholic father so I think its clouded my judgement on things like this.
OP posts:
Itloggedmeoutagain · 11/04/2022 21:21

Why didn't you just stay at home?
What did the other partners do?

Ahbisto · 11/04/2022 21:24

Why did you actually go op? Honestly that’s so anti social to go and then not join them like that, not even for a drink at the bar or the lunch with the couple , it’s actually rude.

I’m sorry I don’t think he is the issue here, it’s you.

Technosaurus · 11/04/2022 21:24

Gets drunk every 4 or 5 months! Including at a wedding where he was best man! The heathen!

Let him have a good time at his presumably very good friend's wedding, stop being so uptight.

HangOnToYourself · 11/04/2022 21:28

I think YABU and fairly miserable. It's a one off fun weekend for him so he is enjoying myself. You dont have to drink to have fun but on this occasion he is choosing to and he has the right to do so as an adult. You could have still gone to meet his friends with him for a few hours and just left if they started to get a bit slashed but it feels like you were deliberately being a bit of a martyr then have come on here to complain about it. Give him a break.

Ahbisto · 11/04/2022 21:29

And if he could still sit and talk normally then it’s unlikely he was most peoples definition of drunk. But even if it got to slurring of words stage that’s when you excuse youtself

I honestly can’t get my head round you sitting in your room and not even going for a couple of (soft drinks) with them and then walking round town so you didn’t have to join him and his wife for lunch.