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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband Drunk For 3 Days At Wedding

223 replies

GD12 · 11/04/2022 21:04

AIBU?

So my husband was best man at his friend's wedding. We arrived after a long drive on the Friday at the hotel and left on the Monday.
After we arrived at 8pm he went to meet his friend at the bar and got drunk.
I don't drink so I stayed in the room and he arrived back at midnight.
On the day of the wedding, at the reception he again got really drunk.
On the Sunday he went to meet his friend and new wife and family for lunch and I had a walk around the local town. When I turned up at 6pm again he was drunk and downing the drinks.

I'm not saying he was a bad drunk or did anything wrong when he was drunk, he still sat and talked to me etc but I just feel it was a bit over the score to be drinking so much when I was stone cold sober all weekend and he does change when drunk and it annoys me. I said to him on the Sunday night "did you have to drink so much all weekend" and he said he was enjoying himself and couldn't see what the problem was.

He doesn't get drunk or drink very often, maybe ever 4 or 5 months but when he does he really drinks a lot.

AIBU?

OP posts:
GreenClock · 11/04/2022 22:01

I can see why you went to the weekend - you’re the spouse of a member of the wedding party and it’s kind of expected - but absenting yourself from the various events wasn’t great behaviour OP. There’s a massive difference between your dad and the festivities you’ve described.

wanttomarryamillionaire · 11/04/2022 22:04

Op im very much like you, I don't drink much and i find drunken people obnoxious and crashingly boring. However YABU to expect your husband not to enjoy himself at his best friends wedding, I don't know why you didn't just stay at home if you were not going to join in with anything.

NeverChange · 11/04/2022 22:07

Sounds like you are letting the actions of one man (your father) determine your reactions to the actions all men (your husband and his friends).

You are judging the wrong man. Understandable but not right or fair.

RustyShackleford3 · 11/04/2022 22:07

If you weren't going to go along to any of these meet ups/lunches then why did you bother going at all? I can empathise with not wanting to sit drinking coke whilst everyone else gets really drunk, if that's what the plan was, but if you knew that was the case you should have just let him go on his own.

When I was pregnant I still sometimes went out and socialised with my husband and his friends, even if they were drinking. If I couldn't be arsed with drunk people on a particular night, I just stayed home.

PlainJaneEyre · 11/04/2022 22:08

On the Sunday he went to meet his friend and new wife and family for lunch and I had a walk around the local town Rude behaviour from you.

Ahbisto · 11/04/2022 22:08

The thing is people don’t meet up and twenty mins later they are drunk. Meeting his friends and particularly the wedding lunch, there was no reason for you not to go and be sociable, and yes if they got to the drunk stage later you laugh and say right I’m out guys have fun.

I don’t know how he explained it to his friends, That you sat in your room alone or went for a walk alone rather than join the bride and groom and thr oth guests for lunch, I’d have been really embarrassed also if my husband did this and I had to make my apologies for him.

bellsbuss · 11/04/2022 22:08

I would be very upset with DH if we went to a wedding where I was a bridesmaid and he didn't join in. There was no reason why you couldn't have joined in and had soft drinks.

Blossomtoes · 11/04/2022 22:11

Think you married the wrong man. I also think your behaviour was spectacularly rude.

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 11/04/2022 22:11

@PlainJaneEyre

On the Sunday he went to meet his friend and new wife and family for lunch and I had a walk around the local town Rude behaviour from you.
I agree

Reverse?

ThanksItHasPockets · 11/04/2022 22:13

Your title is totally misleading. He wasn’t drunk for three days Hmm

Gelasia · 11/04/2022 22:14

It sounds like you just don't like him drinking, OP, and I sympathise, but it doesn't sound like he really did anything wrong.

Maybe you're just not compatible on this particular issue. It does sound dull for you, though, maybe just don't go to the next wedding where you don't know the people?

Bellie710 · 11/04/2022 22:15

I would say YABVU, he was the best man at his friends wedding. He had a few drinks and enjoyed himself over the weekend and it sounds like you did everything you could to try and spoil it all.

This is not alcoholic behaviour it is a social engagement and everyone was in party mode for the weekend, I think you have bigger issues and you are in no way compatible if you can't even go to the pub and meet his friends with a soft drink!

NotStayingIn · 11/04/2022 22:15

I honestly can not believe you started a post on his behavior. WOW. A bit of self-awareness might be helpful OP! You are the one whose behavior is way more problematic here, not only your behavior during all the social events but also your criticism of your DH actions.

5128gap · 11/04/2022 22:16

@NeverChange

Sounds like you are letting the actions of one man (your father) determine your reactions to the actions all men (your husband and his friends).

You are judging the wrong man. Understandable but not right or fair.

Its possible. But its also possible that children of alcoholics have a heightened awareness of problem drinking, recognise it when they see it, and that's what makes them uncomfortable.
NeededAction · 11/04/2022 22:17

This is interesting bc my take is yabu.. its 2-3 times a YEAR and he is entitled to drink just as much as you are entitled not to drink.

DP says yanbu, its kinda odd ‘binge-drinky’ type behaviour from an adult but.. send him away on a lads weekend to get wasted?

It also would depend on whether the drinker was ‘dying’ look-after-me needy, or just got on with it the following day..

Frenziedandfurious · 11/04/2022 22:18

YABU and sound like a bit of a sanctimonious nightmare. If I'd been chief bridesmaid at a wedding and been invited for lunch etc and my partner didn't come and went for a walk alone I'd have been seething.

When DS was 2 months old DH went to a wedding alone as I was breastfeeding a newborn and also had a toddler. Far better than me going along and being a pain.

I'm afraid at weddings in the UK they tend to involve lots of drinking. If you're going to go you just have to suck it up. Spent a weekend recently with a friend who's given up the booze. She pretended she was fine being around people drinking but she clearly wasn't,snippy digs and comments all weekend. Not cool.

Orangutanteddy · 11/04/2022 22:18

I would have got drunk with him unless I was driving Halo

DrBrennerFan · 11/04/2022 22:19

I’d stay for bit then do my own thing.

123sunshine · 11/04/2022 22:19

You sound incompatible. If you were my partner I’d be really annoyed at you being anti social and not joining in. You would have come across as really rude. I don’t see you lasting the distance.

MichelleScarn · 11/04/2022 22:20

Is the not usually drinking yours or his choice?

EmbarrassingHadrosaurus · 11/04/2022 22:20

@Aquamarine1029

It's unbelievable that you didn't join your husband for the festivities. His friends must think you're very hard work. I'd be so embarrassed if I were your husband.
Or, possibly, the friends considered OP thoughtful and understanding enough not to intrude on a group of friends who scarcely know her and for whom this lunch was a rare and very special occasion.

Why would that be embarrassing?

Funkyfraz · 11/04/2022 22:22

I bet OP former drinker. I say so as this us how I now feel about being with drinker(s)

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/04/2022 22:23

Why wouldn’t you make an effort to get to know his friends better? They obviously mean a lot to him, so what if you had to nurse a coke/juice/non alcoholic beer for a few hours to chat to them and make an effort.

He wasn’t drunk for 3 days solid, he had some drinks for each of 3 days at a wedding. That’s okay. He’s the one who should be annoyed, you’d rather go for a walk than socialise with his mates. That’s rude.

MadAntonia · 11/04/2022 22:30

It’s wearying when someone needs to get bladdered at a social event to have fun.

Dealing with a drunk person isn’t easy at the best of times. It’s upsetting and distressing, especially if their personality changes as a result.

It’s also a turn-off.

You were both guests at the wedding. It wasn’t just about him.

You are not being unreasonable.

Zonder · 11/04/2022 22:31

Was he able to perform his best man duties?

Personally I wouldn't be very impressed but wouldn't feel I could do anything about it.

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