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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband Drunk For 3 Days At Wedding

223 replies

GD12 · 11/04/2022 21:04

AIBU?

So my husband was best man at his friend's wedding. We arrived after a long drive on the Friday at the hotel and left on the Monday.
After we arrived at 8pm he went to meet his friend at the bar and got drunk.
I don't drink so I stayed in the room and he arrived back at midnight.
On the day of the wedding, at the reception he again got really drunk.
On the Sunday he went to meet his friend and new wife and family for lunch and I had a walk around the local town. When I turned up at 6pm again he was drunk and downing the drinks.

I'm not saying he was a bad drunk or did anything wrong when he was drunk, he still sat and talked to me etc but I just feel it was a bit over the score to be drinking so much when I was stone cold sober all weekend and he does change when drunk and it annoys me. I said to him on the Sunday night "did you have to drink so much all weekend" and he said he was enjoying himself and couldn't see what the problem was.

He doesn't get drunk or drink very often, maybe ever 4 or 5 months but when he does he really drinks a lot.

AIBU?

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 11/04/2022 23:22

if he's having one or two then fair enough but it's not it's more like 20.
Does he need his stomach pumped? I would have thought for someone who only drinks 2/3 times a year 20 pints or 20 spirits in one sitting would result in hospitalisation!

billy1966 · 11/04/2022 23:23

OP,
I enjoy a drink as does my husband, but pissed for 3 days, lowering 20 drinks a day?

Not a chance.

Thatvis a ferocious amount of drink and I would not think normal even for a boozy wedding.

There is nothing worse than being around a drunk when you are cold sober.

I would be having a very hard look at tge way he drinks.

He sounds like a binge drinker and that can easily become a regular habit the older you get.

As a non drinker who grew up around an alcoholic, is that what you want?

I wouldn't have enjoyed that weddin at all.

His priority was to be smashed for the whole wedding.

It is possible to really enjoy a wedding and have a few drinks.

YANBU.

If you don't like it, don't accept it.

Other people's norm, doesn't have to be yours.

Nanny0gg · 11/04/2022 23:24

@PlainJaneEyre

On the Sunday he went to meet his friend and new wife and family for lunch and I had a walk around the local town Rude behaviour from you.
I can't believe you did that! Why on earth did you go to the wedding?

If they are all your DH's friends, why don't you know them?

I don't like drinking either but I don't know why you kept yourself so aloof

Original poster
GD12 · 11/04/2022 23:26

@billy1966

OP, I enjoy a drink as does my husband, but pissed for 3 days, lowering 20 drinks a day?

Not a chance.

Thatvis a ferocious amount of drink and I would not think normal even for a boozy wedding.

There is nothing worse than being around a drunk when you are cold sober.

I would be having a very hard look at tge way he drinks.

He sounds like a binge drinker and that can easily become a regular habit the older you get.

As a non drinker who grew up around an alcoholic, is that what you want?

I wouldn't have enjoyed that weddin at all.

His priority was to be smashed for the whole wedding.

It is possible to really enjoy a wedding and have a few drinks.

YANBU.

If you don't like it, don't accept it.

Other people's norm, doesn't have to be yours.

He is a binge drinker, I don't think he has a problem or it will be a problem but IMHO he drinks excessively when he does and very fast at that. Yes, he has every intention to be smashed for the 3 days. I've do doubt. Like I said, Im probably overreacting so that's why I asked.
OP posts:
PixieLaLa · 11/04/2022 23:28

Anyway, my issues isn't with him drinking its the speed and the amount he has, 2 drinks for him to one of everyone else

Just imagine if a man said this about his GF…everyone would be calling them controlling!

LuckySantangelo35 · 11/04/2022 23:32

YABU
You don’t drink, fine. Some adults do. He’s not don’t let anything wrong. He was a best man at a wedding. If you can’t let your hair down then, then when can you?! You need to lighten up!

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 11/04/2022 23:35

If he'd genuinely had twenty drinks he'd be vomiting and/or unconscious, not just staggering and slurring his words.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 11/04/2022 23:40

I gave up booze after Xmas but my DH likes a few. We were at a party Saturday night and everyone was pissed. I still enjoyed myself. Not going to lie it was a bit hard but I just danced with everyone and enjoyed not having a hangover next day. I wouldn't not hang out with people because they might be drunk. I might go for a few soft drinks then go to bed early or go for the lunch then slip away but I wouldn't not go at all. That's really rude

Synchrony · 11/04/2022 23:41

Unlike most pps, I don't think you're being unreasonable. I can't abide drunkenness and couldn't be with a guy who got drunk, like, ever.

Therira · 11/04/2022 23:42

Yabvu

Blossomtoes · 11/04/2022 23:43

@fairylightsandwaxmelts

If he'd genuinely had twenty drinks he'd be vomiting and/or unconscious, not just staggering and slurring his words.
Depends what period it was over. If it was over eight or nine hours with food, he’d have been OK.
Terzani · 11/04/2022 23:49

YANBU, this is classic binge drinking. I assume you are both young, but this can evolve and lead to alcoholism by middle age or later. But of course you can't really speak about it, because DH and everbody else will call you unreasonable, rude, sanctimonious and even deluded. I know the feeling, it's really very annoying.

Mamanyt · 11/04/2022 23:51

"Every four or five months" is two-three times a year. IF the budget is ok with that, and IF he isn't a mean drunk, I'd let this go. I mean, really let this go, entirely. Heave a great sigh, say, "AH, la!" and go on about your business.

IF, however, he's drinking the rent money, or if he becomes mean, then have a serious discussion with him. Not only while he is sober, but during the "inbetween" times...not right after a spree. Tell him how badly it affects your life with him, and ask how you can help him find other ways to unwind. An attack will only set his back up.

NotTerfNorCis · 11/04/2022 23:52

Some people get drunk to help them through awkward social occasions. Could it be that, if he goes for months without getting drunk?

Original poster
GD12 · 11/04/2022 23:55

@NotTerfNorCis

Some people get drunk to help them through awkward social occasions. Could it be that, if he goes for months without getting drunk?
No, not at all. He's very socialable and not at all socially anxious. He'll be the last one at the pub, parties etc.
OP posts:
theleafandnotthetree · 11/04/2022 23:57

In theory, I have a similar profile to you OP. I do take a drink but could literally be one over the course of a whole day or evening. And my father is an alcoholic. I do understand some of the almost viscereal dislike of drunkenness and especially 3 days in a row. But what he did arguably falls well within societal norms and is not objectively 'wrong' really, just something you are not comfortable with. Given this, and how relatively rare the behaviour is, I think you probably need to suck it up to an extent. I would have probably joined him just for the Saturday and Saturday night rather than being there but not really there by avoiding social situations most of the weekend or worse, being there with a puss on. For what it's worth, I have a ball when I'm out at something like a wedding and usually never leave the dancefloor. I recommend avoiding conversation with the drunk people, they are not nearly so annoying watched from a distance while dancing madly..

Original poster
GD12 · 11/04/2022 23:58

@Mamanyt

"Every four or five months" is two-three times a year. IF the budget is ok with that, and IF he isn't a mean drunk, I'd let this go. I mean, really let this go, entirely. Heave a great sigh, say, "AH, la!" and go on about your business.

IF, however, he's drinking the rent money, or if he becomes mean, then have a serious discussion with him. Not only while he is sober, but during the "inbetween" times...not right after a spree. Tell him how badly it affects your life with him, and ask how you can help him find other ways to unwind. An attack will only set his back up.

I do let it go when he does it and usually say nothing. It was just the weekend turned into a drinking session and on the Sunday when I arrived and he was wrecked and the others were tipsy but not that bad, I just can't fathom why he has to get like that. I can't tell him what to do, or stop him though.
OP posts:
GiantHaystacks2021 · 12/04/2022 00:14

Women who have had alcoholic fathers often go on to marry men with drink problems.

I wouldn't like that scenario that you have described. I wouldn't like to see my DH drunk for 3 days straight. I think that's very excessive.
He obviously has a drink problem.

Volhhg · 12/04/2022 00:42

YANBU although this is fairly normal behaviour in this country. I can't participate in this sort of socialising, it's very difficult sometimes to find a way to fit in. Heavy drinking is normalised here. I think the fact you are very different in this respect could turn out to be a big problem in the future. I do think he could have spent one night sober if he knows you don't drink

StoppinBy · 12/04/2022 00:46

When you're sober and everyone around you is drinking it can be annoying but you sound like you need to loosen up a bit.

Hubby wasn't out of control drunk and it sounds like he wasn't even very drunk at all if he was able to do it 3 times in a row (based on my experience of being hung over and feeling like never drinking again lol)

If my partner acted like you, refusing to join in lunch etc I would think they were a wet blanket and wished they stayed at home.

Marvellousmadness · 12/04/2022 00:58

I think him getting smashed on day 1 and 2 makes sense. Day 3 was a bit much

The fact that you excluded yourself from everything because you dont drink and pubs arent "your thing" seems to be a bit ott and silly really. Just sitting there in your room feeling sorry for yourself

Inbetweenie993 · 12/04/2022 00:59

I do understand the difficulty of being with someone who is out of it whilst being completely sober!

However, I do think this was his best mate, and it's an abberation. If this was a one-off tease him and laugh about it.

If it's some sort of escalation on 'normal' behaviour, keep an eye out.

Don't beat him up, but do enjoy taking the piss!!!

Notinthemoodforthis · 12/04/2022 03:17

I feel for you, my husband and I socially drink but I've known him for over 12 years and I’ve NEVER seen him drunk. I’m exasperated for you just from reading that and worried that so many people call you unreasonable. It is not ok to get drunk to that level and 3 days in a row is an absolute no-no for any person, man or woman. Embarrassing for everyone else, not just for you. Drunk people suck.

ZoyaTheDestroyer · 12/04/2022 07:28

If he can tolerate twenty drinks / forty plus units every day for three days without vomiting or passing out then I suspect he’s drinking more frequently than you realise, OP. A person who only drinks two or three times a year does not have that kind of tolerance for alcohol.

LuckySantangelo35 · 12/04/2022 07:28

@Synchrony

Unlike most pps, I don't think you're being unreasonable. I can't abide drunkenness and couldn't be with a guy who got drunk, like, ever.
@Synchrony Your pool of men to date will be quite small then