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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband Drunk For 3 Days At Wedding

223 replies

GD12 · 11/04/2022 21:04

AIBU?

So my husband was best man at his friend's wedding. We arrived after a long drive on the Friday at the hotel and left on the Monday.
After we arrived at 8pm he went to meet his friend at the bar and got drunk.
I don't drink so I stayed in the room and he arrived back at midnight.
On the day of the wedding, at the reception he again got really drunk.
On the Sunday he went to meet his friend and new wife and family for lunch and I had a walk around the local town. When I turned up at 6pm again he was drunk and downing the drinks.

I'm not saying he was a bad drunk or did anything wrong when he was drunk, he still sat and talked to me etc but I just feel it was a bit over the score to be drinking so much when I was stone cold sober all weekend and he does change when drunk and it annoys me. I said to him on the Sunday night "did you have to drink so much all weekend" and he said he was enjoying himself and couldn't see what the problem was.

He doesn't get drunk or drink very often, maybe ever 4 or 5 months but when he does he really drinks a lot.

AIBU?

OP posts:
TonkaTruckduck · 11/04/2022 21:30

I can't stand to be around drunken people, but this was inevitable. I'd have either stayed home or accepted it with good grace.

Eastie77Returns · 11/04/2022 21:32

OP I think you should have stayed at home. Weddings in the U.K. generally avoid a fair amount of alcohol (except religious ones where B&G do not drink) and your DH was Best Man so always likely he’d join his friends for a drink or two. Completely avoiding the social events because they took place in a pub was unnecessary, rude and a bit odd. Unless everyone in the party was a raging alcoholic I doubt they would have all been slurring and falling over drunk straightaway and you could always have excused yourself and left if you felt uncomfortable.

OctopusSay · 11/04/2022 21:36

I don't understand why you didn't socialise with them. Not going to the lunch was really rude IMO.

Thesefeetaremadeforwalking · 11/04/2022 21:37

It depends what you mean by "got drunk"

If he was so drunk he was getting into a fight, falling down, being sick,
coming back to the room and peeing in the wardrobe, that's one thing.

But if he was sitting in the bar with pals talking benign rubbish, then that's harmless IMO.

On the Sunday he went to meet his friend and new wife and family for lunch and I had a walk around the local town

So why didn't you join them?

Rumplestrumpet · 11/04/2022 21:39

See I have a different perspective here. I don't drink at all and neither does DH. While I don't mind going along to a party or wedding where people will be drinking, I just can't enjoy being around drink people for very long. I couldn't be around my husband if he was so drunk he was slurring his words.

But that's why I chose someone who doesn't drink. I'm not boring, I love socialising, but aim to do it in a way that doesn't involve booze.

I think you're allowed to be really put off by his drunkenness, but you also have to accept that you socialise in different ways. It may be that you just dont go along to events like this in future. Or maybe you're just not well matched

Lollypop701 · 11/04/2022 21:39

He like to drink 3 times a year. Your reaction is bordering on controlling and I do t think you want to be like that. Your father was an alcoholic, which must be very difficult, and maybe you need to speak with someone to undo some of the damage that must have caused you.
You do not wish to drink alcohol and he accepts that, maybe he wishes you did on occasion but knows it’s not your thing so that’s ok.
So I think that on those occasions you know he will drink you need to be ok with that too. happily let him go, and make other plans . Go for a massage, read whatever it is you like to do.

Cheeseandlobster · 11/04/2022 21:40

How do you know that lunch would be slurred nonsense? Do you actually If know the drinking habits of everyone? If I were your husband I would feel embarrassed that you couldn't even manage a couple of cokes for a wedding lunch.

Actually I call reverse with this
I reckon you are a woman with a tee total dh looking for some perspective. Something about this doesn't ring true

Dancer47 · 11/04/2022 21:40

I don't think YABU at all. It sounds like a horrible, boring weekend for you. Being around drunk people is torment when you don't drink. They are so boring. In this country, being an occasional binge drinker/alcohol abuser is apparently completely okay, as it seems many people need alcohol to make social occasions go well.

However, as your father was an alcohol abuser, it would be far better for you to pick a man who does not use alcohol at all. But you already know that. The older they get, the worse they get, and often when trouble or tragedy strikes, such people will turn to booze to feel better - just at the time you need them the most. watch the frequency of his drinking and if in doubt, bail out, a fuck people who say it is his "right" to get pissed.

SD1978 · 11/04/2022 21:41

I find it more strange to be honest that you declined to join in at all at any point apart from the wedding. Assuming everyone would get hammered if you were there, so staying on your own seems a tad antisocial.

Aquamarine1029 · 11/04/2022 21:42

It's unbelievable that you didn't join your husband for the festivities. His friends must think you're very hard work. I'd be so embarrassed if I were your husband.

luxxlisbon · 11/04/2022 21:44

It’s super antisocial of you to not make an effort to spend time with his friends imo. They had some drinks with lunch, I would be surprised if any of them were slurring their words.
You stayed behind on 2 occasions over the weekend when you really should have made an effort to support your partner. It’s one weekend, you can handle lunch in a pub even if it isn’t your thing as a one off.

MarchingOnTogether · 11/04/2022 21:45

I understand how you feel, as the daughter of alcoholic parents I have a lot of issues with drunk people myself and 3 days of dealing with a drunk partner would have been a bit much for me to.cope with.
However if he rarely drinks and this was just him enjoying his friends wedding and he's not going to be getting drunk 3 days every weekend then I don't see that he's done anything wrong. In your shoes I'd be stressed about it but I'd suck it up because I understand the issue is with me and my past not his behaviour. Its hard because people who haven't been there often don't understand the anxiety it can cause, they just think they are having fun and when you think about it, that's how it should be. Fun. It's not your fault but it's also not DHs.

Sexnotgender · 11/04/2022 21:45

YABU.

He wasn’t doing anything other than enjoying himself at his best friends wedding.

OneTC · 11/04/2022 21:47

YABVU

CrowAndABut · 11/04/2022 21:47

It was one weekend.

YABU.

OneTC · 11/04/2022 21:48

I dream of getting drunk for 3 days tbf Grin

CandyLeBonBon · 11/04/2022 21:50

How drunk is 'drunk' for you op?

NeverChange · 11/04/2022 21:50

I think YABU. Was he drunk or just merry/tipsy also? Doesn't sound like he over indulged, was agressive/abusive, made a show of himself or put himself in any danger.

I also think that you lacked considerable effort to spend anything other than the bare minimum with his friends. I suspect he thinks YABU in relation to that.

PortalooSunset · 11/04/2022 21:52

You sound judgy AF of him and his friends. Why did you even go?

ZoyaTheDestroyer · 11/04/2022 21:52

I grew up with an alcoholic father so I think its clouded my judgement on things like this.

That’s quite the drip-feed.

Your title made it sound like he was on a three-day bender and didn’t sober up at all. Being a best man is a once or twice in a lifetime experience and he got drunk at three separate events over three days. That’s not excessive or unreasonable.

roobearbaby · 11/04/2022 21:53

YABU.

If it were something that happened every weekend then maybe that would be different.

I personally enjoy a drink and currently being pregnant I find it hard to be around people drinking (because I am jealous 🤣) but I still spend time with my husband and friends when they are drinking.

I appreciate your background with a father who abused alcohol but you can't tarnish everyone with the same brush!

Someone commented that they would be embarrassed of you if they were your husband and I am sorry but I completely agree with them!

Shiningpath · 11/04/2022 21:53

Sounds like you were actually quite rude to your hosts for the weekend. I’m really not sure why you bothered going.

KarmaStar · 11/04/2022 21:56

Yabu and must have come across as a bit uptight and aloof to sit in your room or stay away from the lunch,you have just saddled them all together as drunks you don't want to spend time with.
You might as well stayed at home.you don't need to drink to have fun you know and non drinking doesn't make you better than them.
Try to relax and have fun occasionally.😀

MissMaple82 · 11/04/2022 21:56

Yabu - maybe if you should of let your hair down and joined in the fun

OverByYer · 11/04/2022 22:01

You sound rather sanctimonious OP. How do you know if the partners of his friends were drinking or not? If you’d have bothered to join in you may have found another non drinker. Sounds like your DH was letting his hair down and having fun, you should try it sometime.

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