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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husband Drunk For 3 Days At Wedding

223 replies

GD12 · 11/04/2022 21:04

AIBU?

So my husband was best man at his friend's wedding. We arrived after a long drive on the Friday at the hotel and left on the Monday.
After we arrived at 8pm he went to meet his friend at the bar and got drunk.
I don't drink so I stayed in the room and he arrived back at midnight.
On the day of the wedding, at the reception he again got really drunk.
On the Sunday he went to meet his friend and new wife and family for lunch and I had a walk around the local town. When I turned up at 6pm again he was drunk and downing the drinks.

I'm not saying he was a bad drunk or did anything wrong when he was drunk, he still sat and talked to me etc but I just feel it was a bit over the score to be drinking so much when I was stone cold sober all weekend and he does change when drunk and it annoys me. I said to him on the Sunday night "did you have to drink so much all weekend" and he said he was enjoying himself and couldn't see what the problem was.

He doesn't get drunk or drink very often, maybe ever 4 or 5 months but when he does he really drinks a lot.

AIBU?

OP posts:

worriedatthistime · 12/04/2022 11:43

@5128gap but she isn't letting live she told him it annoyed her and has come on here
Also why would you not go to the lunch at the start of people drinking rather than at 6pm when they potentially had several hrs of drinking , also maybe not everyone there was drinking

Ahbisto · 12/04/2022 12:02

@OctopusSay

I like a drink, I know some people who really like a drink.

I don't know anyone who could drink 20 without being hospitalised, it seems a remarkable talent from someone who rarely drinks

Quite. The dudes got super powers when it comes to alcohol. He can be teetotal for months on end, suddenly drink twenty drinks in one evening sitting, still be able to talk normally and repeat it all for the next two days, most normal humans would have been hospitalised , certainly not be able to face it day two, and be slurring staggering and puking, and only hardened drinkers with a high tolerance could take that. I doubt they’d be talking relatively normally though. Or talking at all.

The man’s a walking miracle.

Anyone who knows anything about alcohol knows if you’ve not drunk for a long time, Ie four or more months, two drinks and you are heavily feeling it. Twenty and you’d be laying in the gutter if not a hospital bed.

HopefulProcrastinator · 12/04/2022 12:11

Or the far more likely scenario that OP has exaggerated. Afterall, she wasn't there most of the weekend to know what he drank and she says herself he didn't behave badly at all.

Whether GD12 exaggerated or not is irrelevant.

How she feels is entirely relevant. Only she can decide if this is compatible with her future happiness.

To be fair to the husband too, this is also a consideration for him.

Neither should settle for a relationship where one has to be on eggshells because their partner's behaviour isn't compatible with how they prefer to live.

That's a fast track to misery and resentment no matter the underlying cause.

OctopusSay · 12/04/2022 12:16

@HopefulProcrastinator

Or the far more likely scenario that OP has exaggerated. Afterall, she wasn't there most of the weekend to know what he drank and she says herself he didn't behave badly at all.

Whether GD12 exaggerated or not is irrelevant.

How she feels is entirely relevant. Only she can decide if this is compatible with her future happiness.

To be fair to the husband too, this is also a consideration for him.

Neither should settle for a relationship where one has to be on eggshells because their partner's behaviour isn't compatible with how they prefer to live.

That's a fast track to misery and resentment no matter the underlying cause.

Of course, but my post was in response to the outrage that he had 20 drinks, which is highly unlikely to be true

Original poster

GD12 · 12/04/2022 12:22

[quote worriedatthistime]@5128gap but she isn't letting live she told him it annoyed her and has come on here
Also why would you not go to the lunch at the start of people drinking rather than at 6pm when they potentially had several hrs of drinking , also maybe not everyone there was drinking [/quote]
Me not going to the lunch is inconsequential to the story. The reasons were known by my husband are personal and I'm sure he told them why I wasnt there. He made the suggestion I have a walk around the place we were visiting and come later, theres really no big deal and noone was offended or thought it was rude and he was absolutely fine with it. I didn't nag him or sit miserable all weekend, I socialised at the wedding etc and he said the weekend was great and he had a great time. As I said, I just didn't understand why he had to get so drunk so quickly. It's just not much fun being around someone so drunk when you're at an event where you don't know anyone. I didn't stop him or moan or sit miserable though and I get it's a one off.

OP posts:

GizmosEveningBath · 12/04/2022 12:30

OP, your husband and your DF are different people and it's not fair to project your issues with your father onto your DH. Your DH rarely drinks and let his hair down for one weekend in a few months for his best friend's wedding. Even then he wasn't totally plastered, just slurring.

You've shown yourself up a little bit over the weekend, if I was meeting up with an old friend and thier DP decided to spend the evening in the hotel room rather than in my company I would think it odd at best, rude at worst. Try getting to know these friends a little better before judging them.

Minikievs · 12/04/2022 12:34

I thought you were going to say he got mortifyingly drunk, was horrible and abusive to you, fell into the cake etc etc

He was best man. He hardly drinks the rest of the year. YABU.

I think part of the problem may be that when you're sober, drunk people are bloody annoying. You say everyone else was tipsy, he was smashed. Are you sure they weren't all the same level of drunk, it's just that you're hyper aware of your DH level of drunkenness compared to others?

Ahbisto · 12/04/2022 12:35

I think everyone understands now op it wasn’t you and you behaved perfectly, you were not remotely anti social, miserable or unreasonable, you’ve made it very clear that’s not the case , it was all him and he’s an utter animal with alcohol and you just got it wrong in your first post you didn’t mean to write he wasn’t bad and could talk fine, you meant to write he was hospitalisation level of drunk for three days straight.

We hear you. That’s shocking behaviour. Not sure how he managed it as it’s beyond most folks powers but he did and you had to suffer terribly due to it. As I’m sure did all the other guests. I assume he’s deeply ashamed by it?

MichelleScarn · 12/04/2022 13:01

Am so confused!
He is a binge drinker, I don't think he has a problem or it will be a problem but IMHO he drinks excessively when he does and very fast at that
its a one off
Is it really 20 units a sitting @GD12?

Rainbowshit · 12/04/2022 13:13

YABU. You sound like an absolute kill joy.

RustyShackleford3 · 12/04/2022 13:17

So he only drinks 2 or 3 times a year, and when he does he's not too bad and still upright, but he drinks 20 drinks in one sitting?

OP, this isn't making sense. I think the real problem here is just that you don't like him drinking at all, ever. And that's ok. You're allowed to not want to be with a person who drinks alcohol. It might be easier to admit that, rather than be angry at your partner for having a few drinks at his best friend's wedding. The problem is that he is allowed to drink alcohol. Maybe you two aren't compatible.

NashvilleQueen · 12/04/2022 13:17

It's his thing but it's not your thing. Both perspectives are valid. He wasn't being unreasonable and nor were you for not getting involved in drinking.

You are unreasonable however for trying to suggest your DH was at fault because he, along with others, did something that many others do and enjoy that you happen not to like.

LuckySantangelo35 · 12/04/2022 13:24

Lots of killjoys on this thread. Not to mention judgy. Being tee total does not make you a better person, it’s not a personality trait

FreddyVoorhees · 12/04/2022 13:34

@BoodleBug51

Not sure I'd find a grown man acting like an Inbetweener that attractive tbh.

You were very patient occupying yourself while he got pissed.

I'm assuming that the money he spent won't have any financial impact?

Not looking for any excuse to have a go are we?

Favourodds · 12/04/2022 13:48

theres really no big deal and noone was offended or thought it was rude

How do you know noone thought it was rude? It wasn't rude to skip Friday night drinks, I probably would miss them to let my husband have fun with his friends. But the family Sunday meal? It's not rude to the level anyone would mention to you, it's the kind couples discuss in the car on the way home.

Blueberrycreampie · 12/04/2022 14:04

When the times my husband spent drinking increased to all weekend every weekend, I realised that we wanted different lifestyles and while I enjoy socialising as much as the next person, I wanted walks in the countryside or to the beach sometimes, or maybe cosy nights at home, or a couple of friends round. I was just stuck inside a culture of everything revolving around alcohol, (West of Scotland) and needed to make changes in my life. Ex DH was loved by everyone and was the life and soul of the party, but it wasn't enough for me. My current partner of 30 years very rarely visits the pub just for a drink and always puts me first over and above alcohol, football and his friends. He is not perfect by any means but he'll do. Think about what you want out of life and go for it!

LuckySantangelo35 · 12/04/2022 14:08

@BoodleBug51

“ I'm assuming that the money he spent won't have any financial impact?”

How dare he spend any money on himself eh? Especially on something so frivolous as socialising and having a good time! Every penny he earns should be family money! What if his kids want something!! They didn’t ask to be born. How selfish of him.

Surely nobody thinks like that?!?

theleafandnotthetree · 12/04/2022 14:17

[quote LuckySantangelo35]@BoodleBug51

“ I'm assuming that the money he spent won't have any financial impact?”

Surely nobody thinks like that?!?[/quote]
Oh I think quite a few people do on mumsnet! Unless money is spent on children or a new waste pipe for the bathroom or some such dreary home improvement, it's a waste and yet another example of men's fecklessness. Unless it's for his poor long suffering wife to have a spa day to escape from the selfishness of it all. I absolutely agree you spend your money on the essentials first but what do we work and exist FOR if not to enjoy our lives and the company of others too?

LuckySantangelo35 · 12/04/2022 14:36

I couldn’t agree with you more! @theleafandnotthetree

I think people on mumsnet sometimes forget that you only get one life and it’s short, for some people sadly it’s really short.

You have to enjoy yourself whilst you can!

Obviously as you say, you have to make sure the essentials are catered for. But after that you can and should use your money for fun in whatever form that may take for you and if that’s socialising and drinking etc than so be it! Life isn’t all about paying for the essentials and then saving and saving and saving once you get married and have kids! Parents deserve more than that, they are people too with needs and wants every bit as valid as their kids!

Original poster

GD12 · 12/04/2022 14:43

@Favourodds

theres really no big deal and noone was offended or thought it was rude

Because I have Aspergers and social anxiety. They know this and told me on thr Sunday when I arrived "well done for yesterday".

OP posts:

theleafandnotthetree · 12/04/2022 14:47

Spend money on yourself you could spend on your children? That's heresy for some on here! I think the best thing we can do for our children is to model how to live well, which alongside duty, responsibility and work simply must include the ability to have fun, to extract as much joy and love and happiness out of life as possible. And to be happy for the people we love to do similarly.

Favourodds · 12/04/2022 14:49

Any other info you want to drip feed through the thread or have we got it all covered now?!

Original poster

GD12 · 12/04/2022 14:51

@Favourodds

Any other info you want to drip feed through the thread or have we got it all covered now?!

I didnt really want to go into details,its embarrassing. I said it wasn't my thing to go to the social events. My concerns were about my husbands drinking.

OP posts:

MichelleScarn · 12/04/2022 15:12

My concerns were about my husbands drinking
But it's hard to work out what the issue is, he never drinks, but can stand 20 units a day over 3 days and be absolutely fine, even though most people would end up in hospital with that intake!

Original poster

GD12 · 12/04/2022 15:19

@MichelleScarn

My concerns were about my husbands drinking But it's hard to work out what the issue is, he never drinks, but can stand 20 units a day over 3 days and be absolutely fine, even though most people would end up in hospital with that intake!

I don't know how many units he had. On the Saturday he started at 11am with wine and then stopped at 11pm. Had beer, champagne, some shots etc.

OP posts:

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