Husband Drunk For 3 Days At Wedding

[GD12]

AIBU?

So my husband was best man at his friend's wedding. We arrived after a long drive on the Friday at the hotel and left on the Monday.
After we arrived at 8pm he went to meet his friend at the bar and got drunk.
I don't drink so I stayed in the room and he arrived back at midnight.
On the day of the wedding, at the reception he again got really drunk.
On the Sunday he went to meet his friend and new wife and family for lunch and I had a walk around the local town. When I turned up at 6pm again he was drunk and downing the drinks.

I'm not saying he was a bad drunk or did anything wrong when he was drunk, he still sat and talked to me etc but I just feel it was a bit over the score to be drinking so much when I was stone cold sober all weekend and he does change when drunk and it annoys me. I said to him on the Sunday night "did you have to drink so much all weekend" and he said he was enjoying himself and couldn't see what the problem was.

He doesn't get drunk or drink very often, maybe ever 4 or 5 months but when he does he really drinks a lot.

AIBU?

Unfortunately OP, the thread was very quickly responded to by the 'men can do what they like and any woman objecting is a controlling bore' people. It's often the way where drinking is concerned, as people like to demonstrate how cool they still are because they like to drink. When that happens it sets a tone, and fewer people come on to give a different perspective.
The way I see it is this:
I do drink, but that doesn't stop me finding some people's drinking behaviour boring and irritating. I particularly dislike sloppy drunks, and slurring is a sign of that to me, so I wouldn't care for that 3 days straight. That's my preference though, no judgement there.
I also think that getting to slurring point on every social occasion over the weekend is more than most people would do in adulthood.
You're the child of an alcoholic, and while that MAY give you a lower than usual tolerance for drunkeness, it may also give you a heightened sense of when people's drinking is problematic. Don't let anyone manipulate you into thinking you can't trust your judgement. It's in a drinkers interests for the narrative to be that you, not they have a problem. That is not to say he does, but equally not to say he doesn't. No one on here can tell from this information. Trust your own judgement and experience.
Regardless of whether drinking is problematic, the right of someone to get drunk does not supercede the right of a sober person to dislike it and want to avoid them.
Nor does a man's right to go drinking supercede his wife's right to stay home (or in the hotel room.)
You did the right thing in avoiding situations that would have made you uncomfortable, and were not rude. You are his wife, not his assessory, and he is perfectly capable of carrying out an activity you don't enjoy, with HIS friends, without you on his arm.

@5128gap

“ Unfortunately OP, the thread was very quickly responded to by the 'men can do what they like and any woman objecting is a controlling bore' people.”

No. I would say the same even if the sexes were reversed. I would say the man needs to lighten up.

@Neverhot

So what if he gets annoying and slurry? He isn't hurting anyone and deserves to have fun however he sees fit at his friend's wedding. You sound very judgemental and controlling.

What's fun about downing drinks to the point you're slurring? It's not judgmental to not enjoy being around drunk annoying people.

Well this took a turn, it went from he was still able to talk normally and drinks two or three times a year, to he does at least twenty drinks and is off his face, the most drunk there.and drinks two to every one else’s one.

Which does kind of read like you didn’t like the answers being against you so decided to ramp it up a bit to change the answers.

I’m not sure I know anyone who is pretty much teetotal, as he is only drinking a couple of times a year who can take twenty in a row.

Very unusual.

Depends. Slurring and staggering is pretty far gone in my book.

YABVU

[quote LuckySantangelo35]@5128gap

“ Unfortunately OP, the thread was very quickly responded to by the 'men can do what they like and any woman objecting is a controlling bore' people.”

No. I would say the same even if the sexes were reversed. I would say the man needs to lighten up.[/quote]
Excellent. Then ignore the comment as it wasn't aimed at you personally.

If he didn’t do anything wrong / illegal / embarrassing then yes I also think YABU and downright miserable. You don’t have to sit in your room because you are not drinking.

Most people change a little bit when drinking because that is what alcohol does to you, but again, it doesn’t sound like he did any harm.

I like a drink, I know some people who really like a drink.

I don't know anyone who could drink 20 without being hospitalised, it seems a remarkable talent from someone who rarely drinks

I gave up drinking and it has really changed my life for the better, so in your circumstances, I would also find his behaviour annoying. But, personally, I think you probably shouldn’t have gone. He was an integral part of the wedding party and had different priorities to you. As it sounds like a very infrequent and unusual situation, it isn’t worth arguing over.

YANBU but too many people think it's normal to spend a whole weekend pissed at events like this wedding.

For me the key fact that you mentioned is that he was drinking significantly more than the rest of the group, and was significantly more drunk.
There’s letting loose, and there is losing control ( of his intake), and this sounds like the latter.
YANBU. I would not expect a sober husband on such a trip, but I would think he would pace himself.
The other key point is that you took yourself off, which is fine, but rather suggests that you’ve see it all before and have probably had enough of it.
Think long and honestly about where his relationship with alcohol is going , and if you don’t like it, make plans.

YABU

It was a special occasion, he was being sociable. It's not like he got insanely drunk and lost soiled the place or himself.

Why didn't you join him at the lunch with his friend and new wife/family?

Your problem with the boozy lunch was you didn’t want to sit there and listen to them talk slurred drunk nonsense…. So instead of going first thing with your DH, you chose to meet them AFTER a day of drinking? Seems like you just wanted to pass judgement here but ok.

More booze than an average wedding weekend? Sure. But is it really a problem? A few drinks before and at the wedding, and a lunch catching up with people he hasn’t seen for ages. What really is the problem here? You don’t seem to like his friends so are you more annoyed he chose to spend time with them over you? I mean, it does sound like you’re a major fun sponge.

He was friendly while drunk, sociable, included you, basically everything he should be doing while sober but you have an issue with it because of your father’s past. I think since this isn’t a regular occurrence you need to learn to unclench and let your husband enjoy a few drinks, unless he’s getting sloppy to the point of not being able to look after himself etc. he’s not doing any harm except to his liver and his bank balance. It’s not s regular occurrence so it surely shouldn’t be this big of a deal.

It's horrible being around grown adults when they're drunk.
It’s horrible being around people who are actively judging you for doing something they don’t approve of too. If OP hates being around drunk people that much she should have chosen a husband who upholds those values too. But she didn’t, and here we are with a wife who can’t stand to see her husband have a few drinks over a weekend on a rare occasion, and a husband being called a bore, a drunk, an alcoholic and more by people who don’t even know him!.

The numbers don't make sense here.

Twenty drinks is likely 40+ units unless he's having individually measured shots. Is the OP telling us that her husband, who almost never drinks, had 120+ units over three days and is not now in the hospital? I have spent more than my fair share of time in some really unhealthy drinking cultures but that amount of alcohol is hardcore.

I'm not a big drinker but sometimes it's great to let loose once every few months with really great friends if the social occasion is an awesome one worth drinking to, enjoying, partying etc, which this one was. I'm sorry you do sound VU, judgy and depressing to be around on this occasion. You have every right to like or not like what you want, though, it's a major compatibility issue in this instance I think.

@Ahbisto

Well this took a turn, it went from he was still able to talk normally and drinks two or three times a year, to he does at least twenty drinks and is off his face, the most drunk there.and drinks two to every one else’s one.

Which does kind of read like you didn’t like the answers being against you so decided to ramp it up a bit to change the answers.

I’m not sure I know anyone who is pretty much teetotal, as he is only drinking a couple of times a year who can take twenty in a row.

Very unusual.

Was going to say the same. The amount increased with every post

@Nothingsfine

YANBU but too many people think it's normal to spend a whole weekend pissed at events like this wedding.

@Nothingsfine

It is normal

And op is obviously exaggerating to get people to agree with her stance

You sound really unsociable

Why didn't you join in - you won't get to know them better if you avoid events like the lunch

Was he drunk or just drinking? Got to say I wouldn'tlike to hang out with anybody on a 3 day bender!

You shouldn't have gone to the wedding. You were rude to your hosts throughout which may have been counterproductive in controlling your dh's drinking. The amounts you quote seem unlikely given how little he drinks normally and it would be hard to assess the quantity when you weren't with him to be keeping count.

Your df's addiction is going to make it very hard for you to be objective about someone's drinking. Would it be worth talking to the charity that supports family of alcoholics to see whether this occasional binge drinking is something you can deal/live with and how to deal with it?

@ThanksItHasPockets

The numbers don't make sense here.

Twenty drinks is likely 40+ units unless he's having individually measured shots. Is the OP telling us that her husband, who almost never drinks, had 120+ units over three days and is not now in the hospital? I have spent more than my fair share of time in some really unhealthy drinking cultures but that amount of alcohol is hardcore.

Quite!

You were obviously harmed by your father's drinking, but I think DH's drinking seems fairly sensible (I don't for a minute think someone who rarely drinks had 20 drinks).

He drinks now and again, when he does he let's his hair down and has a thoroughly good time without ever becoming unpleasant.

Sober, on the other hand, you sound miserable. If you didn't want to be with them at the "worst" of it, you should have gone for the lunch rather than later.

In response to Luckysantangelo35, am not going to pretend I'm OK with drunkenness to widen my dating pool. I am happily married to someone who drinks but has not been drunk since I met them. Most of the people I know do not drink to excess and grew out of that at uni. At least three men I know are teetotal. It's not the norm where I am.

I agree with 5128gap.

OP i grew up with an alcoholic father and I can see how this behaviour might be triggering for you. 💐.

I voted YANBU. I am not originally from the UK but I find the emphasis around drinking as a way to celebrate here very unnerving.

I am also an adult child of an alcoholic. I sympathise with your feelings / discomfort.

You can PM me anytime.