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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To refuse to go to Glastonbury?

214 replies

WizzardPjs · 24/03/2022 13:25

DH absolutely loves Glastonbury and has been going to every one since well before we met. He used to go with his ex wife and kids and said they loved it but I’ve since learnt from the kids that his ex and youngest son hated it and only went because he loved it so much.

When we got together he asked me to go with him and I agreed as I’d never been before. I kind of enjoyed it but found it very tiring, too busy, hated not getting a shower for days etc etc but on the whole, quite enjoyed the experience.

Then the next year he booked for us to go again. I didn’t like it as much this time and we ended up arguing at one point.

We went to the next one … I didn’t really enjoy it at all, the music is not to my taste at all, I hate the hot stuffy tents all on top of each other, I don’t like the attention seeking people, the noise, the dirt …

We went to the next one and I absolutely hated it. So much so that I burst into tears at one point as I was so overwhelmed, I got sunstroke, I was claustrophobic, hated the music (there literally wasn’t one band there that I liked), swore I’d never go again. Told DH.

Then Covid hit and we’ve had a good few years away from it now thank fuck.

DH has just announced that tickets are on sale this weekend. I’ve told him I don’t want to go but he is more than welcome to go with my cousin and her boyfriend who already have tickets and he gets on well with … he also met people there a few years back who he gets on well with so could easily meet up with them.

He’s gutted and says it won’t be the same without me, he doesn’t want to play gooseberry with other couples and really wants me to go with him. I’ve told him I genuinely hate it. It’s not me at all, it’s the complete opposite to what I find fun. I reminded him that last time I ended up in tears (and I never cry!!).

I told him I want to stay home with the dogs. He would probably enjoy it more without me there moaning anyway!! I don’t like socialising, I don’t drink alcohol anymore, I don’t like barging my way through crowds or fighting my way to the front of the stages … nor do I like trudging across acres and acres of fields to watch bands I’ve never heard of and I struggle to stay away passed 11pm as I’m a chronic anaemic - all the things he likes to do so I actually limit his experience if anything. I’m also diagnosed autistic so the sensory overload can make me irrationally angry, stressed out and emotional.

Now - to add balance - DH often does stuff he doesn’t particularly like for me … such as going to crufts, staying in “haunted” castles, going around museums etc but all this stuff is a day max - Glastonbury is 5 nights of hell for me.

At crufts this year he actually said “it’s ok, but I couldn’t do it for more than 1 day” !!!!

I know he loves Glastonbury and I don’t want to ruin this for him but I really really don’t want to go anymore. It’s not like I havnt given it a good go!?

YABU - just go - it’s 5 nights away and he does stuff you like
YANBU - you’ve tried it, you don’t like it - he can go on his own, you’re not asking him not to go, you just won’t be joining him.

OP posts:
Thumpkin · 24/03/2022 13:26

You’ve been several times now. He’s being selfish.

TheWernethWife · 24/03/2022 13:27

I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than go to Glastonbury.

nearlyspringyay · 24/03/2022 13:28

He sounds like a big baby.

His chances of actually getting tickets are pretty minimal anyway.

WimpoleHat · 24/03/2022 13:29

These sort of things are marmite: you love them or you hate them. If you love them, you think they’re bloody marvellous and cannot understand why others do not. But if you hate them? It’s torture. I’d be with you on this; genuinely can’t think of anything worse. And he needs to accept how you feel. It’s not just a case of an afternoon doing something you’d rather not, it’s a long slog. And an expensive long slog at that. If he wants to go, he can go. But he’s being hugely unreasonable to expect you to go with him.

Jumperlark · 24/03/2022 13:30

Can you go for 2 days, so only one overnight?

CapMarvel · 24/03/2022 13:31

YANBU, but your DH does have a bit of a point if you drag him round stuff he doesn't want to do. Why? Just do stuff like this seperately and then you both have a better time.

WizzardPjs · 24/03/2022 13:31

But he loves it so much, I feel so guilty but I just can’t do it again :-(

Last time we went we agreed to have a quiet walk together on the Wednesday night before anything was happening … I was looking forward to it but one of these people he’d met a few years earlier decided to join us and it ended up being those two walking and talking and me walking behind them on my own. The whole thing was a bloody nightmare for me. I remember being in the medical tent after a bit of a meltdown and they said to me “it’s worth it though isn’t it?” And I was like “no, it’s really not”

OP posts:
Mangogogogo · 24/03/2022 13:32

I think you’ve more than tried! Does he thoroughly enjoy it or do you think he’s gotten fixated on wanting to say he’s been every single year without fail? I say that because I have friends that got like that about certain festivals! I’m also saying that because you could maybe suggest the money from Glastonbury could be spent going somewhere together that you’ll both really enjoy!

MiddleParking · 24/03/2022 13:33

He sounds like a dick.

GeneLovesJezebel · 24/03/2022 13:34

You couldn’t pay me to go, so it would be an absolute not from me. And he’d know not to ask again.

magicstars · 24/03/2022 13:34

Can you go for a day or two but stay offsite in a Bnb etc?

WizzardPjs · 24/03/2022 13:34

@CapMarvel

YANBU, but your DH does have a bit of a point if you drag him round stuff he doesn't want to do. Why? Just do stuff like this seperately and then you both have a better time.
I would be willing to do stuff on my own but he wants us to do everything together.

And like I said, the things I do are 1 day max. Crufts was 9am - 7pm for one day! And even then he said he couldn’t do any longer than that

OP posts:
Mangogogogo · 24/03/2022 13:34

Sorry I just saw your update. You ended up in the medical tent? Do not put your health at risk for this!

malificent7 · 24/03/2022 13:36

Yanbu and i love Glastonbury. It is a massive slog and if you aren't into the music or experience there is no point. He sounds selfish tbh.

LittleMissUnreasonable · 24/03/2022 13:36

Just because you're a couple doesn't mean you have to be joined at the hip, DH needs to grow up I think!

If he doesn't want to play gooseberry, could he go with a friend/friends or the older kids who actually enjoyed going?

WizzardPjs · 24/03/2022 13:36

@magicstars

Can you go for a day or two but stay offsite in a Bnb etc?
Nah it’s in the middle of nowhere and the tickets are too expensive to only pop in for a few hours now and again. I did consider going down on train on the Friday night but it’s too difficult, to get from the train station into the festival etc … he starts drinking at 10am so it’s not like he could pick me up
OP posts:
bert3400 · 24/03/2022 13:37

Went once, never again it was awful. I have done smaller festivals which are much nicer . Could he not experiment slightly and choose another festival for you both to experience for the first time ?

CapMarvel · 24/03/2022 13:37

You just need to sit down and tell him you aren't going, but that doesn't need to stop him from doing so. He's not being a dick, he just likes doing stuff with his partner - which is pretty normal - but usually it's the idea of doing stuff rather than the reality of it that people fixate on.

It does sound like you need to do more stuff that both of you want to do, and to reach an understanding that there is no point one of you tagging along to an activity if you have no interest in it - what a waste of both time and money? I love it when the DH goes out for the day as it means a day of peace in the house getting odd jobs done and cranking the music up.

YellowHpok · 24/03/2022 13:37

How about finding an alternative festival you could go to together as a compromise? I live Glastonbury and have been many times but it is full on and completely exhausting.

There are lots of lovely, smaller festivals in the UK and Europe where he could get his fix bit you could also enjoy it.

Bluedot and green man in the UK, spring to mind. Flow festival in Helsinki is amazing, absolutely no camping there! We stayed in a 5* Spa hotel and then cycled in ever day, saw lots of the city too.

MissBPotter · 24/03/2022 13:37

Five nights?! I didn’t realize it lasted that long. I would maybe offer one night but that would be an absolute maximum. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all, it sounds hellish and it’s so expensive so you’re paying through the nose to have a horrendous experience! Especially with your autism. Doesn’t he have any friends he can go with? Or are they not keen either?

makingmiracles · 24/03/2022 13:38

Yanbu. I live nearby, I’ve never been. No interest in the huge crowds, the amount of walking, the lack of hygiene, the mud/the heat, the overpriced food and drink. Being gridlocked round your local area for 2 days each end of the week every year and having the shops run out of stuff is annoying enough!

People are always shocked I’ve never been, but tbh there’s only been a few times that I’ve said oh I’d like to see them live, but I’m happy to just watch the coverage on tv!

He will have just as much fun going with others, I know lots of people who go with friends/extended family instead of their partners and they always have a great time.

Notonthestairs · 24/03/2022 13:39

I was going to suggest going for the day.

But actually no - it's basically asking you to mask up (figuratively) for 12 hours.

He has to accept some events are not for you. AND vice versa stop booking stuff for the two of you that he doesn't enjoy.

I'd imagine you've both got friends with similar interests - use them!

PerseverancePays · 24/03/2022 13:40

I wouldn't do it even once for someone I truly loved for all the reasons you have described. The mere thought of it is making me sweat and I've never been!
If he loves it that much he will need to love it without you. Him trying to guilt you into going is peak selfishness on his part.
Stand your ground and don't budge an inch.

Notonthestairs · 24/03/2022 13:40

"I would be willing to do stuff on my own but he wants us to do everything together. "

Well this is just silly.

WizzardPjs · 24/03/2022 13:40

I have suggested other festivals, I even asked if we could do download festival one time as it’s more my kind of music but all he said was “we can do both”.

OP posts:
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