To refuse to go to Glastonbury?

[WizzardPjs]

DH absolutely loves Glastonbury and has been going to every one since well before we met. He used to go with his ex wife and kids and said they loved it but I’ve since learnt from the kids that his ex and youngest son hated it and only went because he loved it so much.

When we got together he asked me to go with him and I agreed as I’d never been before. I kind of enjoyed it but found it very tiring, too busy, hated not getting a shower for days etc etc but on the whole, quite enjoyed the experience.

Then the next year he booked for us to go again. I didn’t like it as much this time and we ended up arguing at one point.

We went to the next one … I didn’t really enjoy it at all, the music is not to my taste at all, I hate the hot stuffy tents all on top of each other, I don’t like the attention seeking people, the noise, the dirt …

We went to the next one and I absolutely hated it. So much so that I burst into tears at one point as I was so overwhelmed, I got sunstroke, I was claustrophobic, hated the music (there literally wasn’t one band there that I liked), swore I’d never go again. Told DH.

Then Covid hit and we’ve had a good few years away from it now thank fuck.

DH has just announced that tickets are on sale this weekend. I’ve told him I don’t want to go but he is more than welcome to go with my cousin and her boyfriend who already have tickets and he gets on well with … he also met people there a few years back who he gets on well with so could easily meet up with them.

He’s gutted and says it won’t be the same without me, he doesn’t want to play gooseberry with other couples and really wants me to go with him. I’ve told him I genuinely hate it. It’s not me at all, it’s the complete opposite to what I find fun. I reminded him that last time I ended up in tears (and I never cry!!).

I told him I want to stay home with the dogs. He would probably enjoy it more without me there moaning anyway!! I don’t like socialising, I don’t drink alcohol anymore, I don’t like barging my way through crowds or fighting my way to the front of the stages … nor do I like trudging across acres and acres of fields to watch bands I’ve never heard of and I struggle to stay away passed 11pm as I’m a chronic anaemic - all the things he likes to do so I actually limit his experience if anything. I’m also diagnosed autistic so the sensory overload can make me irrationally angry, stressed out and emotional.

Now - to add balance - DH often does stuff he doesn’t particularly like for me … such as going to crufts, staying in “haunted” castles, going around museums etc but all this stuff is a day max - Glastonbury is 5 nights of hell for me.

At crufts this year he actually said “it’s ok, but I couldn’t do it for more than 1 day” !!!!

I know he loves Glastonbury and I don’t want to ruin this for him but I really really don’t want to go anymore. It’s not like I havnt given it a good go!?

YABU - just go - it’s 5 nights away and he does stuff you like
YANBU - you’ve tried it, you don’t like it - he can go on his own, you’re not asking him not to go, you just won’t be joining him.

You've confirmed everything I hate about the idea of festivals; the crowds, the noise, the heat, the constant grimy feeling. Well done for going a few times, I couldn't have stuck it out once! You've done your bit, he's going have to go without you or not at all, stick to your guns!

I would rather boil my own head than go to Glastonbury.

Don't go!

The last time I went to T in the park I walked over to the toilets and waded through about 10 meters of mud to get to them before I remembered it hadn't rained a single drop in weeks.

I never went back. Some people love them but to many people they are the 5th circle of hell.

I don't know anything about glastonbury but if you really want to go to make him happy is it possible to get a day ticket for one of the days? you could go with him for the day and book a hotel near by for the night and he can spend the rest of the 5 days with friends. That said I agree it sounds like hell and you have been many times and hated it. If he had really hated crufts would you insist he goes back year on year?

YABU for having gone the third, fourth and fifth times and now for even asking if YABU!

DH railroaded his ex wife and DC into going to the event repeatedly and has done the same to you. Unpleasant behaviour!

Their is compromises to be had in a relationship.

This isn't one of them.

AND you have autism incl sensory issues!

Your DH has been extremely selfish.

Why on earth would he want you to go, knowing you didn't want to be there?! I've been a couple of times, a long time ago and you couldn't pay me to go now. You've more than done your bit.
My DH often asks me to music events, if it's something I love I go, otherwise I tell him no and he'll have more fun with someone else, so he goes with other people. YANBU

Sorry if this has already been suggested, not had chance to rtft but one way to make Glastonbury much nicer is to pay the extra and go in a caravan if you can borrow one.

Much less crowded, slightly longer walk to the stages, but I felt so much more relaxed. The caravan we borrowed had a shower in to, so I felt clean every day.

If you can’t borrow a caravan, could you look at the glamping options? Pricey, but it will make your festival much nicer and this could potentially be a compromise.

I doubt he’ll get a ticket anyway. It’s a very small resale, they will be sold out in minutes.

How can he enjoy himself knowing you arent?

He would rather you go and be miserable just so he didnt feel like a gooseberry?

Stand firm. He would have an amazing time and hes a big boy, doesnt need you to hold his hand.

i hate hate haaaate festivals too OP. Ive done my time int he pits and tents and ive never enjoyed it.

I used to go to Reading every year and loved it.

Then I had a break, went with a friend and hated it.

Never went again.

My dh is going on his own. I have zero interest in going. He doesn’t mind

@magicstars

Can you go for a day or two but stay offsite in a Bnb etc?

I used to live near a large festival site,I assume they are all similar, no way could you do that, all accomodation was booked up the day it finished for the following year and unless you were booking for the full duration you wouldn't get part of it because everyone booked for the while thing.

I guess maybe covid has had an affect but I still don't think there would be unbooked accomodation for only a night or two

He’s being selfish. He has seen how uncomfortable, upset and Ill you have been in the past but doesn’t care about those things. He’s a bully over this.
Tell him to grow up and go on his own like a big boy.

I’m autistic and my XH used to drag me to big shows that were just for the evening or the day. Not even staying overnight. I would inevitably end up miserable and end up making him miserable. I just couldn’t help it. I didn’t understand at the time that it wasn’t a character flaw in me. It was just completely unfair to expect me to be in that chaos. There is no way I could last 24 hours at Glastonbury.

You know what place with crowds I love. Disneyworld. It’s because it’s ridiculously clean and hyper organized. The entire place runs like an expensive clock. I could spend days there happy as can be just because of the peace I get from the sterile nature of the world they built. You know who hates Disney world, my XH.

I’m not suggesting you and your DH are not well suited to one another. You did make a really good effort with Glastonbury. I’m just pointing out it’s really not for everyone. Different places are built for different people and that is ok.

Not the point I know but how does he manage to get tickets so often? I am impressed by that.

Not impressed by him pressuring you to go when you don't want to and have humoured him enough with it already over the years.
I say this as someone who has been to Glastonbury and enjoyed it, although these days I would only go if I knew and liked the line up. Wouldn't appeal otherwise due to hassle and cost.

I don't understand why anyone would want the company of someone when they knew they didn't really want to be there. I'd rather go alone. I certainly wouldn't want my DH tagging along to something I'm really into and he's not, just because he wants us to do stuff together.

You tried, quite a few times, and it’s not for you. That’s that.

I think it’s time to change ‘I don’t want to go’ to ‘I’m not going’ and leave it to him to decide what’s best for him. Shut the discussion down.

I love festivals. Have been delighted that since DC we've still been able to go and we always have a fab time.

But you couldn't pay me to go to Glastonbury. Way too big and looks like no fun at all. You have been way more accommodating than you need have been and he is being totally U about trying to guilt you into going again.

Sounds awful! I would hate it too. He's been given options to go with others so you aren't being unreasonable.

Objectively try and rank the discomfort of 5 days and nights of that to you against one day of walking around crufts. Say 500 x worse - other people may scale it less though you have all of what you've said relentlessly for 5+ days and nights and camping.

Layer over the fact that you are happy for him to go and he has friends so balance his preference for you to go against your preference not to.

Finally layer that he is happy for you to ensure that discomfort for his own jollies.

And the result is?

The idea that you have to do everything together sounds so suffocating to me. You are separate people with different likes and dislikes. Doesn't he have any friends?

Also Glastonbury is grim. The toilets are so bad I couldn't go even if the greatest band of all time was playing. Plus camping - urgh. I only ever tolerated that for my kids when they were small. I went to Glastonbury once and had to camp next to the dance tent. Horrendous.

Bloody hell you did well to go more than once. He'll have to go on his own.

I love Glastonbury and find it much less full-on than lots of the smaller festivals; probably because it's so big and more spread out.
However; you don't love it, you've tried, and absolutely you shouldn't go. As it's such a tiny resale this weekend anyway, there is little chance you'd get a ticket. And if you did, you'd be taking one away from someone else who really wants to go.

Furthermore, it's not bloody cheap, at around £300 a pop these days - before travel, food, and the rest. You'd be best off spending the money on something you actually like. Tell your DH to pull himself together and go with his mates because you're not doing it this time.