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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To refuse to go to Glastonbury?

214 replies

WizzardPjs · 24/03/2022 13:25

DH absolutely loves Glastonbury and has been going to every one since well before we met. He used to go with his ex wife and kids and said they loved it but I’ve since learnt from the kids that his ex and youngest son hated it and only went because he loved it so much.

When we got together he asked me to go with him and I agreed as I’d never been before. I kind of enjoyed it but found it very tiring, too busy, hated not getting a shower for days etc etc but on the whole, quite enjoyed the experience.

Then the next year he booked for us to go again. I didn’t like it as much this time and we ended up arguing at one point.

We went to the next one … I didn’t really enjoy it at all, the music is not to my taste at all, I hate the hot stuffy tents all on top of each other, I don’t like the attention seeking people, the noise, the dirt …

We went to the next one and I absolutely hated it. So much so that I burst into tears at one point as I was so overwhelmed, I got sunstroke, I was claustrophobic, hated the music (there literally wasn’t one band there that I liked), swore I’d never go again. Told DH.

Then Covid hit and we’ve had a good few years away from it now thank fuck.

DH has just announced that tickets are on sale this weekend. I’ve told him I don’t want to go but he is more than welcome to go with my cousin and her boyfriend who already have tickets and he gets on well with … he also met people there a few years back who he gets on well with so could easily meet up with them.

He’s gutted and says it won’t be the same without me, he doesn’t want to play gooseberry with other couples and really wants me to go with him. I’ve told him I genuinely hate it. It’s not me at all, it’s the complete opposite to what I find fun. I reminded him that last time I ended up in tears (and I never cry!!).

I told him I want to stay home with the dogs. He would probably enjoy it more without me there moaning anyway!! I don’t like socialising, I don’t drink alcohol anymore, I don’t like barging my way through crowds or fighting my way to the front of the stages … nor do I like trudging across acres and acres of fields to watch bands I’ve never heard of and I struggle to stay away passed 11pm as I’m a chronic anaemic - all the things he likes to do so I actually limit his experience if anything. I’m also diagnosed autistic so the sensory overload can make me irrationally angry, stressed out and emotional.

Now - to add balance - DH often does stuff he doesn’t particularly like for me … such as going to crufts, staying in “haunted” castles, going around museums etc but all this stuff is a day max - Glastonbury is 5 nights of hell for me.

At crufts this year he actually said “it’s ok, but I couldn’t do it for more than 1 day” !!!!

I know he loves Glastonbury and I don’t want to ruin this for him but I really really don’t want to go anymore. It’s not like I havnt given it a good go!?

YABU - just go - it’s 5 nights away and he does stuff you like
YANBU - you’ve tried it, you don’t like it - he can go on his own, you’re not asking him not to go, you just won’t be joining him.

OP posts:
kerryleigh · 24/03/2022 16:49

Of course you shouldn't go. You didn't enjoy it, but still went few times. Chapeau bas! I would've gone once at the most, considering that my camping days are long gone and don't like that music.

LBFseBrom · 24/03/2022 16:50

If you really hate it that much, don't go because there is no point. Glastonbury is very sociable so your husband won't feel alone, he'll either meet friends or make new ones, people do.

I have never been to Glasto, always wanted to, won't now. Too old for that malarkey. I have been to other festivals and outdoor concerts. Everyone says Glastonbury is the 'nicest', has a pleasant vibe. I watch highlights of it on TV :).

My son has been about three times and loves it but last time he stayed in a Winnebago :). I don't blame him. Camping and portaloos are OK for youngsters - in my opinion of course.

You can do something else with your husband, maybe an outdoor concert which takes place on one evening.

(I don't get the haunted houses business, that would put the wind up me and I don't even believe in it, not in the sense of dead people hovering around. Horrible thought.)

JudgeJ · 24/03/2022 16:51

@TheWernethWife

I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than go to Glastonbury.
I feel the same about Crufts, everyone has different likes.
Scbchl · 24/03/2022 16:51

I LOVE festivals, but even I couldn't do 5 days, sober, with not one band I knew or liked. That is absolutely rubbish. You have tried numerous times and it's only gotten worse. He needs to accept your decision. 5 days is a LONNNNGGGGGG time in festival days

IncompleteSenten · 24/03/2022 16:56

You really do need to stand firm on this.

Are you ever allowed out on your own or is he velcroed to you at all times?

longwayoff · 24/03/2022 16:56

Hell on earth, wild dogs couldn't drag me there. Be strong OPGrin

Daenerys77 · 24/03/2022 16:57

He needs to get over this idea that you have to do everything as a couple.

ChristopherTracy · 24/03/2022 17:01

Like @deeedeee says he probably wont be able to get tickets in the resale anyway so its a non problem. I would just dereg yourself.

EachandEveryone · 24/03/2022 17:01

Theres always a band to love at Glastonbury. If Im lucky enough to get tickets I will be going to the Pet Shop Boys, Diana Ross, Jarvis and Rufus Wainwright. Age is not a thing at Glasto theres something for everyone. If you do go try and get tickets for Worthy View glamping its still in the festival and its at the good side where The Park is.

Fingers crossed for all us trying tonight and Sunday x

Pyewhacket · 24/03/2022 17:06

@Daenerys77

He needs to get over this idea that you have to do everything as a couple.
Including Crufts now it would seem Smile
WizzardPjs · 24/03/2022 17:11

I’ve told him, he was surprisingly good about it and said he’d still like to go back to crufts next year as he liked it, he just couldn’t do more than one day there. I’ve told him I’ll try and help him get a ticket and the extra £600 we’ll save we can put on a deposit for America

OP posts:
zafferana · 24/03/2022 17:12

YANBU - a weekend at Glastonbury is my idea of hell! God love you for going four times, just to please him. He really needs to stop putting pressure on you to spend five days at something you hate - it's not fair! He also needs to stop being so bloody needy about you going. You tried it, four times, FFS and you were so stressed the last time you ended up in the medical tent. He needs to either go alone or shut up about it.

FuckThatBullshit · 24/03/2022 17:17

OP forget all this "just go for a day" bollocks. NO. You are not going - I'd absolutely loathe it too I don't blame you for bursting into tears. He sounds like an overbearing bully. As for wanting to do everything together... tell him to stop being so fucking needy 🤮

Iloveacurry · 24/03/2022 17:17

I don’t blame you. My idea of hell!

Glad he’s taking it well.

Justanotherobserver · 24/03/2022 17:17

I went to Glastonbury once, in about 1981, when it was teeny and even that was enough for me. It was too crowded, noisy and dirty. Years later, we lived about four miles away from the festival site and could hear it all loud and clear till late into the night. Can't imagine wanting to actually be there, no way.

Stick to your guns, OP.

Momicrone · 24/03/2022 17:19

How can you 'hate the music', its so varied!

Nanny0gg · 24/03/2022 17:30

@WizzardPjs

But he loves it so much, I feel so guilty but I just can’t do it again :-(

Last time we went we agreed to have a quiet walk together on the Wednesday night before anything was happening … I was looking forward to it but one of these people he’d met a few years earlier decided to join us and it ended up being those two walking and talking and me walking behind them on my own. The whole thing was a bloody nightmare for me. I remember being in the medical tent after a bit of a meltdown and they said to me “it’s worth it though isn’t it?” And I was like “no, it’s really not”

You've done way more than I would have

If he won't go with the cousin then that's up to him.

I would absolutely dig my heels in over this. Don't go!

Nanny0gg · 24/03/2022 17:32

@Momicrone

How can you 'hate the music', its so varied!
Because so many can't sing live for a start- I'm talking my Era musicians. Paul McCartney for example.
FoxyFoxyLoxy · 24/03/2022 17:36

@Momicrone

How can you 'hate the music', its so varied!
You are aware that some people are just not into music? Don't go to concerts, don't watch music on TV, listen to podcasts or speech radio? Never play music in the house?

Plus at somewhere like Glastonbury you have no control over the volume of said music. You can't turn it over to another channel if you get bored. You are surrounded by thousands of very tedious people, a large proportion of whom are drunk/stoned and desperate to rattle on about how amazing X act is, and how they saw Y a few years ago and they were better, and how the H album is better than the G album.

Yawn.

Dontbeamugallyourlifesucker · 24/03/2022 17:39

Went to Glastonbury once and promised myself never again! Mud.. Cold tents.. Horrible toilets.. Expensive food..expensive everything! No showers. . Damp clothes.. Heaving crowd's.. Stuff stolen out of tents.. Lots of queuing up.. Pushing into crowds to see acts! Rain.. Rain.. Rain! Mud and more mud! Horrible experience. Better off watching it on TV.

balalake · 24/03/2022 17:40

I don't blame you one bit, especially as you have tried it. I've had family perform at Glastonbury several times, but have never gone (I see them in other venues). Most of the acts are not to my taste in any case.

I think the deposit for a trip to the US is a good way to put the saving.

Walkingalot · 24/03/2022 17:43

So pleased that there was a happy outcome. No drama. No cries of LTB. Just sorted.

Wiscowoman87 · 24/03/2022 18:09

54WizzardPjs. I'm with the "I sooner poke my eyes out than go to a festival" crowd, for all of the reasons cited. Glad you sorted it out, and keep communicating and stick to your guns, because (from 35 yrs
experience!) this will come up time and again.
Some couples do everything together and I never understood that. I think some separate experiences makes each of you a more interesting person. Thankfully, my DH feels the same way. 🙂

MrsMoastyToasty · 24/03/2022 19:00

Check into a posh hotel in Bristol and he can collect you on the way home.

Whatafustercluck · 24/03/2022 19:44

Stay at home, let someone else (like me!) have the chance of a ticket. They're like rocking horse shit and I'm amazed you managed to get tickets every year on the trot for 5 years. We used to go, but then it got to the stage where we weren't able to get tickets, they sold out so quick, despite us trying to buy them on every device from the minute they went on sale, and organising trying for them with groups of others.

I totally get that Glastonbury isn't for everyone. So if you've been and you no longer enjoy it give someone a chance who will have a blast. I'd love to take our kids. Sad