To refuse to go to Glastonbury?

[WizzardPjs]

DH absolutely loves Glastonbury and has been going to every one since well before we met. He used to go with his ex wife and kids and said they loved it but I’ve since learnt from the kids that his ex and youngest son hated it and only went because he loved it so much.

When we got together he asked me to go with him and I agreed as I’d never been before. I kind of enjoyed it but found it very tiring, too busy, hated not getting a shower for days etc etc but on the whole, quite enjoyed the experience.

Then the next year he booked for us to go again. I didn’t like it as much this time and we ended up arguing at one point.

We went to the next one … I didn’t really enjoy it at all, the music is not to my taste at all, I hate the hot stuffy tents all on top of each other, I don’t like the attention seeking people, the noise, the dirt …

We went to the next one and I absolutely hated it. So much so that I burst into tears at one point as I was so overwhelmed, I got sunstroke, I was claustrophobic, hated the music (there literally wasn’t one band there that I liked), swore I’d never go again. Told DH.

Then Covid hit and we’ve had a good few years away from it now thank fuck.

DH has just announced that tickets are on sale this weekend. I’ve told him I don’t want to go but he is more than welcome to go with my cousin and her boyfriend who already have tickets and he gets on well with … he also met people there a few years back who he gets on well with so could easily meet up with them.

He’s gutted and says it won’t be the same without me, he doesn’t want to play gooseberry with other couples and really wants me to go with him. I’ve told him I genuinely hate it. It’s not me at all, it’s the complete opposite to what I find fun. I reminded him that last time I ended up in tears (and I never cry!!).

I told him I want to stay home with the dogs. He would probably enjoy it more without me there moaning anyway!! I don’t like socialising, I don’t drink alcohol anymore, I don’t like barging my way through crowds or fighting my way to the front of the stages … nor do I like trudging across acres and acres of fields to watch bands I’ve never heard of and I struggle to stay away passed 11pm as I’m a chronic anaemic - all the things he likes to do so I actually limit his experience if anything. I’m also diagnosed autistic so the sensory overload can make me irrationally angry, stressed out and emotional.

Now - to add balance - DH often does stuff he doesn’t particularly like for me … such as going to crufts, staying in “haunted” castles, going around museums etc but all this stuff is a day max - Glastonbury is 5 nights of hell for me.

At crufts this year he actually said “it’s ok, but I couldn’t do it for more than 1 day” !!!!

I know he loves Glastonbury and I don’t want to ruin this for him but I really really don’t want to go anymore. It’s not like I havnt given it a good go!?

YABU - just go - it’s 5 nights away and he does stuff you like
YANBU - you’ve tried it, you don’t like it - he can go on his own, you’re not asking him not to go, you just won’t be joining him.

Omg just no.

It sounds like hell on earth. No way would I go!
DP has a hobby which he loves me to join in on, but which I find deathly boring. 99% of the time he does it by himself!

I love festivals but Glastonbury is hard work. Especially if it's muddy. I had an amazing time there when I was young and very fit, but I'm a bit too grumpy now in my 40s.

My partner goes regularly as he loves it, and has been completely on his own a couple of times. I waved him off and wished him fun, and then watched on tv to see if I could spot him from the comfort of my sofa.

We go to smaller festivals together. Ones that last two or three nights and aren't so crowded. Could you find something you both like as a compromise?

Its just a case, that lots of people love these festivals, and all the sometimes crazy atmosphere everywhere around.. But lots of people hate them too. So I wouldn't go to Glastonbury,, its stupid to go if you know you wont enjoy it. Your Husband is sure to enjoy it, even though you are not there, too much going on there to be occupied with, so he won't feel alone.

Don’t go if you really don’t like as much as you explain.

He is going to have to go without you and accept it.

It is a very expensive long weekend for something you don’t like and I have never been and won’t go as it is not my thing, I watch it on tv without the crowds, lack of showers and unhygienic toilets.

May be you will have to have your own interests 8n the future and find some new things to do that makes you both happy.

I don't understand how he can enjoy Glastonbury if the person he is with is utterly miserable to the point of being unwell. Of doesn't that bother him?

@WizzardPjs
He can go on his own.

I used to love festivals when they were small , DH hated them
Far easier for him to go alone, as I did.

Id not want to go to Glastonbury these days
Faar too big and crowded.

I think it’s really selfish for your DH to try and coercively push you into attending. You’ve done it many many times. You’re autistic and have had to go to the medical tent sorry but he’s being really selfish. Festivals is my idea of hell on earth. You’re not stopping him going, you just don’t want to go.

How old is DH? I know you said you are 40. Can you not suggested it is for the young and carefree?
I have heard that Glastonbury town itself has something of a slightly sinister feeling about it but have never been.

I love Glastonbury but there’s no way I’d inflict it on someone who hated it. My son has autism and I can only imagine how stressful it must be. Can’t he go with one of his Glasto buddies? Tickets are like rocking horse shite anyway - it seems a waste to take one if you hate it.

"Doesn't want to play gooseberry.." Is he 15??

Does anyone remember Howard and Hilda from Ever Decreasing Circles? - I'm pretty sure that's how couples that have to do absolutely everything together all the time will end up.

There's a degree of healthy independence in a relationship where both parties are happy to occasionally do their own thing on their own or with their friends and allow the other to do the same. Whether that's Crufts, Glastonbury, or haunted hotels.

Don't go. But equally, maybe go to Crufts on your own next year.

I can't believe you put yourself through that four times. That's 20 days. Equivalent to 20 years' worth of day visits to Crufts, and substantially worse than 20 years of Crufts because there is no bed, loo or shower at either end of the day.

Me and my other half are far from perfect, but we would never ' force' the other to do something we know they don't like.

We do loads of stuff independently, I think that space and individual freedom is healthy for a relationship.

Glastonbury is one of those things that you either love beyond anything, or just can't even contemplate doing in my experience.

I'm not a fan of festivals in general, too many cliche ' cool ' families with little kids in band t-shirts they have never heard of, and dads with ' cool' pork pie hats and mums with face paint and braided hair.

OP...you've said NO! 🤷‍♀️

That's the end of it...don't enter into any further discussions.

No, very definitely, means no! And if he continues to bully you (which he is doing!) then you seriously need to reclaim your relationship boundaries...or leave.

I’d absolutely love to go but I can completely see why it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. My bloke loves walking Hadrian’s Wall, I’d rather drink a bottle of bleach. He doesn’t fancy my trip to India. So we don’t make one another do things we hate because we’re not joined at the hip.

YANBU but maybe let him opt out of stuff he doesn’t like too?

He likely won't get tickets anyway. They're sold out but there's a tiny amount going on resale.

Stand firm. If he wants to go, then he can go with friends or by himself. You don't have to subject yourself to loud, dirty camping for a week surrounded by obnoxious crowds of drunk strangers to make him happy.

He's BU. I would also hate Glastonbury. I like an early night, peace and quiet, and no mess. My other half is the opposite so goes to all these nights and gigs without me and is fine to do so.

I love getting up early and running in the fells - that's what I go and do and leave him home instead as he'd hate that.

It's weird he wants you to go if he knows you hate it, surely that would spoil his enjoyment of it?

@Darklightening

I think it’s really selfish for your DH to try and coercively push you into attending. You’ve done it many many times. You’re autistic and have had to go to the medical tent sorry but he’s being really selfish. Festivals is my idea of hell on earth. You’re not stopping him going, you just don’t want to go.

Completely agree. He's being incredibly selfish pushing you to keep going.

I bloody love Glastonbury but I can completely understand why it would not appeal to some. It's very expensive, it's rammed, it's loud and it's full on in a way that most other festivals are not.

What I don't understand is why your DH complains about being a spare wheel amongst couples if you don't go, and yet is happy for you to be a spare wheel when he's devoting all his attention to his mates if you don't. He's being a selfish arse.

I would rather shit a hedgehog than go to a festival. DH wouldn’t even suggest it as he knows I’d hate it, same goes for camping even though he would love camping.
I think it’s fundamentally selfish to expect the other person to do something they hate. Let him go himself with friends, he doesn’t have to be tied to you every day.

Noooo don't go. I loved Glastonbury back in the day but couldn't do it now, that's for sure. Just say no.

I'm afraid that, in your situation I would no longer discuss it, as that just encourages him to think you'll change your mind. I'd just say "I'm not going". Let him organise someone else to go with, if he doesn't want to be a "gooseberry".

You don't enjoy the event and it makes you anxious- why would he want that for you - the person he loves?

I'd also say that you'll go to Crufts alone or that you have a friend/relative who loves the idea of it and that he no longer has to tag along.

Doing everything together (both from a financial viewpoint and your personal preference) isn't a recipe for happiness.

Hope you manage to sort this out OP. 🌹