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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To refuse to go to Glastonbury?

214 replies

WizzardPjs · 24/03/2022 13:25

DH absolutely loves Glastonbury and has been going to every one since well before we met. He used to go with his ex wife and kids and said they loved it but I’ve since learnt from the kids that his ex and youngest son hated it and only went because he loved it so much.

When we got together he asked me to go with him and I agreed as I’d never been before. I kind of enjoyed it but found it very tiring, too busy, hated not getting a shower for days etc etc but on the whole, quite enjoyed the experience.

Then the next year he booked for us to go again. I didn’t like it as much this time and we ended up arguing at one point.

We went to the next one … I didn’t really enjoy it at all, the music is not to my taste at all, I hate the hot stuffy tents all on top of each other, I don’t like the attention seeking people, the noise, the dirt …

We went to the next one and I absolutely hated it. So much so that I burst into tears at one point as I was so overwhelmed, I got sunstroke, I was claustrophobic, hated the music (there literally wasn’t one band there that I liked), swore I’d never go again. Told DH.

Then Covid hit and we’ve had a good few years away from it now thank fuck.

DH has just announced that tickets are on sale this weekend. I’ve told him I don’t want to go but he is more than welcome to go with my cousin and her boyfriend who already have tickets and he gets on well with … he also met people there a few years back who he gets on well with so could easily meet up with them.

He’s gutted and says it won’t be the same without me, he doesn’t want to play gooseberry with other couples and really wants me to go with him. I’ve told him I genuinely hate it. It’s not me at all, it’s the complete opposite to what I find fun. I reminded him that last time I ended up in tears (and I never cry!!).

I told him I want to stay home with the dogs. He would probably enjoy it more without me there moaning anyway!! I don’t like socialising, I don’t drink alcohol anymore, I don’t like barging my way through crowds or fighting my way to the front of the stages … nor do I like trudging across acres and acres of fields to watch bands I’ve never heard of and I struggle to stay away passed 11pm as I’m a chronic anaemic - all the things he likes to do so I actually limit his experience if anything. I’m also diagnosed autistic so the sensory overload can make me irrationally angry, stressed out and emotional.

Now - to add balance - DH often does stuff he doesn’t particularly like for me … such as going to crufts, staying in “haunted” castles, going around museums etc but all this stuff is a day max - Glastonbury is 5 nights of hell for me.

At crufts this year he actually said “it’s ok, but I couldn’t do it for more than 1 day” !!!!

I know he loves Glastonbury and I don’t want to ruin this for him but I really really don’t want to go anymore. It’s not like I havnt given it a good go!?

YABU - just go - it’s 5 nights away and he does stuff you like
YANBU - you’ve tried it, you don’t like it - he can go on his own, you’re not asking him not to go, you just won’t be joining him.

OP posts:
hellcatspangle · 24/03/2022 15:23

Why are so many people saying "just go for two nights"/"stay in a bnb" etc? She doesn't want to go, full stop! YANBU OP, just tell him you're not going and that's that. It's not like you're refusing to try it out, you've been and hated it.

Heyahun · 24/03/2022 15:23

ANYWAY this is all a pointless converstion right now because he probably isn't gonna even get a ticket anyway hhahha

Thewindwhispers · 24/03/2022 15:24

OP never do something you hate to please someone else.

(Plus, festivals are shit.)

Laniania · 24/03/2022 15:28

I love smaller festivals but no way I would want to go to one as big as Glastonbury. I would be a wreck. I did a day ticket to Leeds once and hated it.

I actually can't believe your DH is trying to emotionally blackmail his autistic wife, who says the sensory overload is too much, into going to Glastonbury. Is he manipulative in other ways?

VaulterTech · 24/03/2022 15:29

YANBU, I love Glastonbury. We camp in worthy view now (pre pitched tents) which is a better experience. Still a slog though, and absolutely not worth it if you’re not into it.

Assume he’s going to try the resale tonight? Very big chance he won’t even get tickets!

Laniania · 24/03/2022 15:30

he says it goes against the spirit of the festival

Okay, that just makes him sound like a right prat.

Ineedastyleicon · 24/03/2022 15:31

My husband loves festivals, I hate them.i went for years but now absolutely refuse to for all the reasons you've mentioned.

Fuzzy303 · 24/03/2022 15:32

I understand if it's not your thing but how on earth was there not one band that you liked? there's literally hundreds of different bands/dj's etc etc

TooManyPJs · 24/03/2022 15:33

I want to know how on earth he's managing to get tickets so frequently!!!!

Dacquoise · 24/03/2022 15:33

It's not your job to do something that you hate to make him feel better. He can deal with his disappointment like any other adult whose partner isn't into the same things. Guilt shouldn't come into it, nor manipulation to make you feel guilty about him not going to enjoy it without you. You gave it a try, persevered/suffered it a few more times, showed willingness. Now it's time to respect your choice.

Gonnagetgoing · 24/03/2022 15:36

I'm with you - I hate festivals too - I'll do daytime ones but did a couple of 2-3 day ones and like others have said, I'd rather stick pins in my eyes. Despite loving clubbing through early hours in 20s!

Do not go, stick to your guns, enjoy your quiet time at home!

venusandmars · 24/03/2022 15:36

My dh has a different hobby and passion (mountain climbing). Over the years I have accompanied him occasionally but we are driven by different motives. I want to have a nice time (the whole time), he wants to get to the top. It was really difficult for him to understand that I was actually happier stopping part way up.

I like to walk, I'm OK with undulating terrain, but I really dislike 3 hours of UP, followed by 3 hours of DOWN. Mostly we have an accommodation where we'll walk together on the lower slopes, then when we reach a nice spot, I stop and get my book out, enjoy the scenery. He runs to the summit and back. We eat our sandwiches and descend together. Both happy.

Occasionally there are still particular situations where I've joined in his quest. Last time was 2 years ago. I honestly hated every step up, and my knees hated every step down. He knows that I won't be doing it again.

Sometimes we do things because it is important to the other person, and sometimes there comes a moment when we know we have to draw a line.

btw dh still hasn't agreed to come with me on a week long yoga and meditation retreat. If he does, I might climb another mountain Grin

Gonnagetgoing · 24/03/2022 15:37

@Fuzzy303

I understand if it's not your thing but how on earth was there not one band that you liked? there's literally hundreds of different bands/dj's etc etc
@Fuzzy303 - I think sometimes even with there being loads of bands/dj's - the whole experience put OP off so therefore she wouldn't have been able to find one band etc she liked!
EmmaH2022 · 24/03/2022 15:40

@WizzardPjs

Yeah I’ve actually realised we tend to set off on Tuesday night to get there at 4am or something stupid Wednesday morning. We then have to sit in a car queue for hours until the gates actually open. I’m 40, I have a bad back which has got worse in the past few years. I just can’t imagine doing it again now.

One time we were stuck in traffic for hours and hours, I actually realised could have flown to America in the time it took us to get from the north east to Glastonbury. I was desperate for a wee - and I mean desperate, I was in real danger of wetting my pants and I couldn’t get out of the car so in desperation I tried to piss into a coke can in the car … it went everywhere. I had to sit in my own urine for 3 more hours knowing I wouldn’t be getting a shower until the next week.

I want to cry just reading this.

I find it really horrible that he is trying to persuade you to go. Maybe ask him why he wants you to go through that again.

livinthedream1995 · 24/03/2022 15:41

Why doesn’t he book Glastonbury and you guys book a different holiday to go on together? 5 days is a long time if you don’t enjoy it. My OH desperately wants to go skiing, but there’s zero chance of me going so if he wants to do it and can get the money, he’s welcome to go but I’ll be staying put. We can just do something else together.

Lovemusic33 · 24/03/2022 15:43

I would hate it too, I love music, love camping but hate busy places and drunk people, it would be my idea of hell.

If he wants to go he can go without you.

WhereYouLeftIt · 24/03/2022 15:43

"He’s gutted and says it won’t be the same without me, he doesn’t want to play gooseberry with other couples and really wants me to go with him. I’ve told him I genuinely hate it."

" I struggle to stay away passed 11pm as I’m a chronic anaemic"

"I’m also diagnosed autistic so the sensory overload can make me irrationally angry, stressed out and emotional."

For him to continue trying to guilt you into going after you've told him you hate it, and being aware of how it affects your health - that is the mark of a total prick.

Propertyhelpneeded · 24/03/2022 15:46

I don’t think you should go because you’ve tried and you don’t like it - but if you do; what about hiring a campervan (with a shower and toilet)?

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 24/03/2022 15:48

Poor baby, unable to do Glastonbury without you.

How old is he?

Heyahun · 24/03/2022 15:48

too late for all that you need a campervan ticket which sold out 2 years ago

ZorbaTheHoarder · 24/03/2022 15:49

@WizzardPjs

I’ve suggested glamping in the past but he won’t have it, he says it goes against the spirit of the festival
What an arse he is!
EishetChayil · 24/03/2022 15:55

Glastonbury is for teenagers and crusty adults who think they're hip.

YanTanTetheraPetheraPimp · 24/03/2022 15:55

He’s a sadist inflicting this on you!
DS went once and assured me that I would absolutely hate every second, not that I ever intended to try it.

Ionlydomassiveones · 24/03/2022 15:57

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Heyahun · 24/03/2022 15:57

@EishetChayil theres no need to slag off everyone who enjoys Glastonbury though - thats a bit unessecary