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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To refuse to go to Glastonbury?

214 replies

WizzardPjs · 24/03/2022 13:25

DH absolutely loves Glastonbury and has been going to every one since well before we met. He used to go with his ex wife and kids and said they loved it but I’ve since learnt from the kids that his ex and youngest son hated it and only went because he loved it so much.

When we got together he asked me to go with him and I agreed as I’d never been before. I kind of enjoyed it but found it very tiring, too busy, hated not getting a shower for days etc etc but on the whole, quite enjoyed the experience.

Then the next year he booked for us to go again. I didn’t like it as much this time and we ended up arguing at one point.

We went to the next one … I didn’t really enjoy it at all, the music is not to my taste at all, I hate the hot stuffy tents all on top of each other, I don’t like the attention seeking people, the noise, the dirt …

We went to the next one and I absolutely hated it. So much so that I burst into tears at one point as I was so overwhelmed, I got sunstroke, I was claustrophobic, hated the music (there literally wasn’t one band there that I liked), swore I’d never go again. Told DH.

Then Covid hit and we’ve had a good few years away from it now thank fuck.

DH has just announced that tickets are on sale this weekend. I’ve told him I don’t want to go but he is more than welcome to go with my cousin and her boyfriend who already have tickets and he gets on well with … he also met people there a few years back who he gets on well with so could easily meet up with them.

He’s gutted and says it won’t be the same without me, he doesn’t want to play gooseberry with other couples and really wants me to go with him. I’ve told him I genuinely hate it. It’s not me at all, it’s the complete opposite to what I find fun. I reminded him that last time I ended up in tears (and I never cry!!).

I told him I want to stay home with the dogs. He would probably enjoy it more without me there moaning anyway!! I don’t like socialising, I don’t drink alcohol anymore, I don’t like barging my way through crowds or fighting my way to the front of the stages … nor do I like trudging across acres and acres of fields to watch bands I’ve never heard of and I struggle to stay away passed 11pm as I’m a chronic anaemic - all the things he likes to do so I actually limit his experience if anything. I’m also diagnosed autistic so the sensory overload can make me irrationally angry, stressed out and emotional.

Now - to add balance - DH often does stuff he doesn’t particularly like for me … such as going to crufts, staying in “haunted” castles, going around museums etc but all this stuff is a day max - Glastonbury is 5 nights of hell for me.

At crufts this year he actually said “it’s ok, but I couldn’t do it for more than 1 day” !!!!

I know he loves Glastonbury and I don’t want to ruin this for him but I really really don’t want to go anymore. It’s not like I havnt given it a good go!?

YABU - just go - it’s 5 nights away and he does stuff you like
YANBU - you’ve tried it, you don’t like it - he can go on his own, you’re not asking him not to go, you just won’t be joining him.

OP posts:
thevassal · 24/03/2022 14:08

The argument that he does things with you that you like so you should do things with him he likes doesn't work if the only reason he does.your things is because he wants to do things with you and you're not actually bothered!

Why does he have such an aversion to doing things without you? It's not even alone, it would be with people he knows and likes! Is he very insecure? Does he think single people should never leave their houses because they will be the "gooseberry"?

again2020 · 24/03/2022 14:14

I've been to Glastonbury in my 20s. It's a lot of fun but a ball ache to plan and a huge mission to organise. I enjoyed it but it was good to finally get home. And this was 11-12 years ago, it must be even busier and bigger now. Also can't imagine going with young kids.
You've given it a good try and understandably aren't keen. I don't think YABU. Surely he can go on his own? Plan something else for you both another time?

whippetwoman · 24/03/2022 14:14

I think you have given it a very good go in the past and really tried. You should stay at home with the dogs and have a relaxing time. You have more than earned it.

I have only been to Glastonbury once and found it ok but once was enough and I wouldn't go again. I am 50 now though, so old for Glastonbury and don't drink at all, need a lot of sleep like you, am prone to sunburn and do not like being wet or cold. Nor could I afford it! It's a lot of money for something you don't enjoy so don't be worried about letting him down. You have tried!

jay55 · 24/03/2022 14:14

YANBU
I loved it in my teens and early 20s.

Quite happy to watch on the telly now.

No way I'd deal with the cramped train and bus and smell and uncomfy sleeping and idiots on whatever drugs and portaloos and junk food now and teens shouting bollocks all night now.

itshappened · 24/03/2022 14:16

Could you insist that you go glamping this time as a compromise? It means you can shower and the glamping campsites are much more civilised! I love festivals but would only go if I was glamping these days.

again2020 · 24/03/2022 14:17

Also it gets harder and harder to get tickets every year. Your DH would be very lucky to get hold of tickets, to coin a phrase they are as rare as rocking horse poo!

ItsJustTheOneSwanActually · 24/03/2022 14:17

Christ, I'd rather go to the stake.

You've done your bit OP, more than.

AffIt · 24/03/2022 14:18

My OH loves music festivals, I hate them. I am horsey and often go to multiple overnight shows / events, either to compete or just to spectate. I love that, my OH hates them.

We both tried the other's hobby of choice once, to be supportive, and were both able to honestly say 'tried it, didn't like it, not doing it again', so we go with friends who DO enjoy it and we'll have a nice time with.

Seems weird to make somebody you care for do something they actively dislike, especially as you have given it more than a fair crack of the whip.

Xpologog · 24/03/2022 14:20

My idea of hell. I’ll watch on tv but toilets, no showers, people, noise uuugghhh.
Could you do one day and stay in a B&B ? If not stick to your guns and tell him you hate it, you’ll make him miserable and stay at home.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 24/03/2022 14:21

@forressttheouut

I don't know anything about glastonbury but if you really want to go to make him happy is it possible to get a day ticket for one of the days? you could go with him for the day and book a hotel near by for the night and he can spend the rest of the 5 days with friends. That said I agree it sounds like hell and you have been many times and hated it. If he had really hated crufts would you insist he goes back year on year?
This is what I was going to suggest - if you’re just going for one day, you could stay a bit further away, where I’m sure you could find somewhere nice to stay, and interesting things to do.

He is being very unreasonable to expect you to do something that made you so distressed the last time you did it, @WizzardPjs.

TheLoupGarou · 24/03/2022 14:22

YANBU at all.

I love festivals but your dh is being very selfish expecting you to go when you don't enjoy it. Hasn't he got a friend he can go with? Just say you aren't going and keep saying it and infinitum! Nothing to stop him going if he really wants to!

Malibuismysecrethome · 24/03/2022 14:24

I don’t do mud, even if I was going access all areas I wouldn’t go.

incognitoforthisone · 24/03/2022 14:26

As you say, there is a massive difference between walking round a museum or a dog show for one day and being a bit bored, and spending five nights in an environment that stresses you out to the point where you end up in the medical tent after a meltdown.

If he was asking you to go to a normal gig by a band you didn't like, I'd say just go along with it as a favour to him. But five nights at Glastonbury is way too much for him to ask of you, especially when you've already been with him several times. It's not like you haven't made the effort - you have. You tried really hard, ffs! Frankly you've been a lot more accommodating than I would have been.

I really don't understand why he wants you to go when he is fully aware of how much you hate it. It's not fun being at an event with someone who's not just miserable but actively distressed.

jb7445 · 24/03/2022 14:27

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again2020 · 24/03/2022 14:31

I don't think Glastonbury sell day tickets. They did used to but even then they were only available to people who lived in the surrounding towns.

floofycroissant · 24/03/2022 14:31

It's negatively affecting your physical and mental health. YANBU.

that1970shouse · 24/03/2022 14:35

You have been four times, and for at least three of those times you have been miserable and suffering. You've more than done your "duty". Like a PP says, the equivalent of a day at Crufts or a museum he's not interested in would be a single night at a gig with a group you don't like. Not five days and nights of what would be utter hell for you.

He wants you to suffer just so he doesn't feel like a gooseberry? That's not a loving husband. No is a complete sentence.

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 24/03/2022 14:36

he starts drinking at 10am so it’s not like he could pick me up

That does it for me!! I went a different, but similar music festival for years till I grew out it. 4 nights of no showers, no sleep, no comfort!! My ex on the other hand loves them and I think still goes now we're both pushing 40.

Natfemale · 24/03/2022 14:38

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UmbrellaTime · 24/03/2022 14:40

Say no op. Stick to your guns. He's being a selfish prick. What does it say about him when he is insisting you go through days of absolute misery just so he enjoys himself. You've already gone a bunch of times before just to make him happy. If you're feeling bad about him coming to crufts then go to crufts on your own and he can go to Glastonbury on his own. You don't have to sacrifice your well-being, especially when he can stop being such and selfish arse and go with others. The fact he is guilt tripping you into going after everything you said is atrocious.

FairyLightPups · 24/03/2022 14:41

I love festivals but Glastonbury is hell. I don't blame you at all. You've bothered trying more than I have! He's selfish.

AngeloMysterioso · 24/03/2022 14:42

YANBU. I love Glasto but it’s DH’s personal idea of hell- I’ve never asked him to come with me as if he did I know he’d moan all the time and make it less fun for me! I go with a big gang of festival buddies and have a great time.

Northernsoullover · 24/03/2022 14:43

I've been to Glastonbury several times. The last one I went to (1998 or 99? I can't remember, so a long time ago) I swore it would be my last. It was a mud year. I couldn't get dry. I was utterly miserable. I considered myself a hardy soul before that.
The only way I would consider it now is if I could get helicoptered into the hotel bit that costs a gazillion quid.
The line up doesn't look great this year either.

Crunchymum · 24/03/2022 14:45

I cannot believe that despite the amount of reasons you list in your first post against going, your DH would still want you to go.

Fuck me, do you have to justify yourself like this all of the time?

You do not enjoy it and will not be going. End of.

Although I imagine if you don't go your DH will hold this against you and never do any of "your" activities again.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 24/03/2022 14:46

I went often as a teen, when it was all Elvis Costello and The Smiths and Ian Drury.
Happy days. Have done it twice as a proper grown up. Thursday to Sunday.
I have no interest in going again. Last time it was a rainy one and I git food poisoning.
Stand firm.

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