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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stranger telling Dd off, how would you react?

209 replies

Whoisdangermouse · 19/03/2022 10:29

Just want to check if I’ve overreacted. Yesterday I took Dd, 3 to the playground, she found another girl to play with and I was sat chatting to her mum on and off.
Another girl joined in and there was some arguing between her and dd, Dd telling her not to do something and DD’s new friend shouting at her not to aswell.
The new girl went off to play and Dd went to sit on one of those bouncy horse things, her new friend next to her waiting her turn.
New girl came up and started to say it was her turn and was being pretty annoying. I then saw her grandma, I think, she was with grandad and mum-young grandma, late 50’s perhaps, come up to Dd and start waggling her finger in her face telling her off 🤷🏻‍♀️Dd looked pretty shocked and unsure…she was quite aggressive about it. I went over and asked if everything was ok? In a fairly ‘What’s going on’ tone. She looked a bit embarrassed and said everything was fine.
I’m definitely not one to defend dd if she’s being a bugger, as she can be, but she’d clearly done nothing wrong and at 3 shouldn’t have had a stranger telling her off and wagging a finger in her face 🤷🏻‍♀️
Did I overreact? What would you have done?

OP posts:
Wouldntitbenicetobeinyourshoes · 19/03/2022 10:33

Dd telling her not to do something and DD’s new friend shouting at her not to aswell

Poor girl, I’m not surprised the guardian was pissed off when 2 other girls were mean to theirs.

inheritancetrack · 19/03/2022 10:34

You did the right thing. Reassure DD that she was not behaving badly in case she thinks its ok for people not in her family, to tell her off. 3 yo's have a strong sense of fairness.

cttd1 · 19/03/2022 10:34

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Original poster
Whoisdangermouse · 19/03/2022 10:35

@Wouldntitbenicetobeinyourshoes No, the new little girl had come up to them shouting/pushing before that etc

OP posts:
CremeEggThief · 19/03/2022 10:36

I don't think what you did was out of proportion, if you saw an adult telling your daughter off. You didn't over-react. I'd let it go now and not spend any more time thinking it over.

BrutusMcDogface · 19/03/2022 10:37

No it wasn’t ok for a stranger to wag her finger in your dd’s face BUT.... why were she and her new friend actually shouting at the other girl? Do you think maybe as the mums, instead of sitting on the bench having a nice chat, you could have gone over to see what the problem was?

Original poster
Whoisdangermouse · 19/03/2022 10:37

I asked Dd what the lady had said and she said that they couldn’t go on the horse as her grandchild wanted to, the child was nowhere near the horse when they went on it and came up afterwards wanting to go on it and trying to push them off

OP posts:
Gowithme · 19/03/2022 10:38

Well it depends, what were dd and girl number 1 telling girl number 2 that she couldn't do? It sounds like they might not have been very nice to her, telling her that she couldn't go on things because they were - I would have stepped in at that point tbh.

Then your dd was on the bouncy horse and the other girl wanted a turn - at that point I would have said '2 more minutes on the horse dd as somebody else wants a turn' - that's how you teach children to take turns. Funny you didn't mention in the original post that this girl was trying to push them off.

It sounds to me like little girl number 2 just wanted to join in. I feel sorry for her to be honest and think you should have stepped in long before her grandparents had to get involved. You sound very entitled on your dd's behalf.

Original poster
Whoisdangermouse · 19/03/2022 10:38

@BrutusMcDogface It was very brief and I don’t interact at every point as kids need to figure things out for themselves. The girl had come over first and was pretty horrible to them both, they were responding to that

OP posts:
Shiningpath · 19/03/2022 10:39

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Message deleted by MNHQ. Quotes deleted post.

RedPinkRose · 19/03/2022 10:39

You did the right thing. In fact, you were very polite about it.

Cyw2018 · 19/03/2022 10:40

@inheritancetrack

You did the right thing. Reassure DD that she was not behaving badly in case she thinks its ok for people not in her family, to tell her off. 3 yo's have a strong sense of fairness.
In the correct context it is totally reasonable for people not in her family to tell her off, so this is the wrong message to give. I've certainly told kids off that aren't my own or known to me.

However, from what OP says in this situation it was not appropriate or fair.

Original poster
Whoisdangermouse · 19/03/2022 10:40

@Gowithme She wasn’t just trying to join in, every time she went up to Dd & other girl it was some kind of shouting/pushing/kicking
They were playing nicely before that

OP posts:
Thatsplentyjack · 19/03/2022 10:41

[quote Whoisdangermouse]@Wouldntitbenicetobeinyourshoes No, the new little girl had come up to them shouting/pushing before that etc[/quote]
Well that wasn't in your OP Hmm

OfstedOffred · 19/03/2022 10:41

Unless you saw and heard absolutely everything your DD said and did how sure can you be that she did nothing? Perhaps the grandmother asked if their GC could have a turn and your DD responded rudely?

I think your reaction was fine but equally why would an adult tell off a child unless there was something about their behaviour that required it?

My assumption would probably be that my childs behaviour hadnt been ideal, at age 3 fairly likely let's be honest.

AHungryCaterpillar · 19/03/2022 10:42

I think your girl and the other one having a go at the other girl was worse actually, maybe the grandma thought the two of them were ganging up on her.

OfstedOffred · 19/03/2022 10:42

Ps it's completely fine for adults not in a childs family to tell them off if they are not behaving appropriately.

Looubylou · 19/03/2022 10:44

You acted proportionately, if you are not minimising. The other lady was over the top and shouldn't have been aggressive. Be happy that you were the most reasonable one, and forget about it. I definately would of gone over in that situation.

Hellorhighwater · 19/03/2022 10:44

Not at all. The adult is entitled to set boundaries and to advocate for DC setting their boundaries. That’s not the same as disciplining and ‘telling off’ which is down to a parent, or an authority (such as an employee or warden, and even then they should only be enforcing equitable consequences)

Original poster
Whoisdangermouse · 19/03/2022 10:45

@OfstedOffred Yes, if they’re not behaving appropriately I agree. From that interaction, it wasn’t appropriate at all.

OP posts:
GabriellaMontez · 19/03/2022 10:45

You gauged it well.

Original poster
Whoisdangermouse · 19/03/2022 10:47

The woman seemed pretty embarrassed which made me think even more she knew it wasn’t her place. If Dd had done something, surely she’d be justified in just saying what it was and why she’d reacted like that, I would.

OP posts:
Gottamakesense · 19/03/2022 10:47

You did the right thing. Being assertive is a good thing in these situations.

NewPapaGuinea · 19/03/2022 10:47

As a parent if someone is being mean to my child I teach them to either tell them to say “stop” or walk away. It’s not for me to discipline other people’s children.

You weren’t over-reacting. I’d want to know more about why the GM was telling your child off.

Flossieskeeper · 19/03/2022 10:48

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