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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stranger telling Dd off, how would you react?

209 replies

Whoisdangermouse · 19/03/2022 10:29

Just want to check if I’ve overreacted. Yesterday I took Dd, 3 to the playground, she found another girl to play with and I was sat chatting to her mum on and off.
Another girl joined in and there was some arguing between her and dd, Dd telling her not to do something and DD’s new friend shouting at her not to aswell.
The new girl went off to play and Dd went to sit on one of those bouncy horse things, her new friend next to her waiting her turn.
New girl came up and started to say it was her turn and was being pretty annoying. I then saw her grandma, I think, she was with grandad and mum-young grandma, late 50’s perhaps, come up to Dd and start waggling her finger in her face telling her off 🤷🏻‍♀️Dd looked pretty shocked and unsure…she was quite aggressive about it. I went over and asked if everything was ok? In a fairly ‘What’s going on’ tone. She looked a bit embarrassed and said everything was fine.
I’m definitely not one to defend dd if she’s being a bugger, as she can be, but she’d clearly done nothing wrong and at 3 shouldn’t have had a stranger telling her off and wagging a finger in her face 🤷🏻‍♀️
Did I overreact? What would you have done?

OP posts:
limitedperiodonly · 19/03/2022 18:53

[quote Whoisdangermouse]@HRTQueen Yes, feeling gobsmacked how this suddenly became my fault and I’m a shit mother for not watching my awful, bully of a daughter…bizarre[/quote]
That's a bizarre interpretation. No one judges you as a shit mother to an awful bullying daughter, not even me.

You were having a chat with your mate, an older woman came along and told your daughter off and you thought: "Fuck! What happened there? I must go on Mumsnet and ask what they think."

And so we did because you invited us. It doesn't matter what we think. It's over and as long as you're happy with your behaviour that's all that should matter to you.

BoredZelda · 19/03/2022 21:09

She’d only just got on the horse, how is that hogging it 😅

Yeah, she did absolutely nothing for the other person to step in and remonstrate.

BoredZelda · 19/03/2022 21:16

Raising children to subserviently scuttle off when a randomer decides they want what your child is using, is bizarre.

Teaching your child that they can commandeer public spaces and equipment for as long as they want when there are others waiting to use it, simply because "I was here first" is bizarre. I'm sure you'd have something to say if that happened to you as an adult. It isn't "subservient" to consider other people.

TyrannosaurusRegina · 19/03/2022 21:47

@BoredZelda

Raising children to subserviently scuttle off when a randomer decides they want what your child is using, is bizarre.

Teaching your child that they can commandeer public spaces and equipment for as long as they want when there are others waiting to use it, simply because "I was here first" is bizarre. I'm sure you'd have something to say if that happened to you as an adult. It isn't "subservient" to consider other people.

Exactly. As an adult, if I'm say at a museum and standing looking at a painting for ages, even if I wanted to stand and gawp at it for another half an hour, if someone else came along then I'd move on once I'd had a reasonable amount of time to look at it. Because it's manners to consider others.
TheRealistBub · 19/03/2022 21:48

How can you know for certain she did nothing wrong if you were not there? Just playing devils advocate.

limitedperiodonly · 19/03/2022 21:53

I am That Mum who sticks up for my children. I learned it from my mum who came from a long line of That Mums.

You don't need to be friends with anyone or share your personal property or time with them if you don't want to. That is a very important lesson to learn. But another lesson is when in a public place like a park sometimes you have to comply or know how to assert yourself or withdraw.

It especially helps if you're three and not that good at negotiation for your mum to be paying attention rather than nattering with her mate. Otherwise we are all savages.

Creameggs223 · 19/03/2022 21:59

I would of told the woman if she had an issue with my child she tells me, but then I would of been stood next to my child while she played especially if she had already been having issues with another child.

BoldMove · 19/03/2022 22:17

You did the right thing. I'd have been livid and not so restrained. You sound like you handled it in a classy way. No one tells my dcs off except me, my dh, gps or a teacher.

Thinkbiglittleone · 19/03/2022 22:18

I do have to say the OPs story seems to get bits added on as People are disagreeing with her.

If I saw my child and another child shouting at a child, I would be straight over to see what happened, (although at 3, I wouldn't have been that far away or distracted not to know what was happening)

At 3 years old you still need to be around to guide her and reinforce good behaviours alongside taking a back seat to allow independence. Shouting at another child is not how you want to teach her to react, not at 3 anyway.

The other guardian may have heard what actually happened in the 1st "fall out" and came over to react, she was wrong to shout at a 3 years old, but IMO you were wrong to not know what happened in the first place, but neither are the end of the world, it's just navigating the sharing of public spaces.

Thinkbiglittleone · 19/03/2022 22:19

At this age, it's also good that your daughter saw you were there after to have her back

limitedperiodonly · 19/03/2022 23:14

Livid Grin

TheBeautifulMoors · 19/03/2022 23:20

You’re asking if you overreacted by asking a woman who was wagging her finger in your 3 year DD’s face if everything was ok? In what world would that be an overreaction. If you’d told her you did not appreciate how she was speaking yo you DD, that would’ve still be ok.

limitedperiodonly · 19/03/2022 23:25

@BoldMove

You did the right thing. I'd have been livid and not so restrained. You sound like you handled it in a classy way. No one tells my dcs off except me, my dh, gps or a teacher.
Never mind my child. No one tells me off except an armed officer of the law or anyone with a weapon.

I don't have grandparents or parents any more and my DH, GP or any teacher have always known what was coming to them if I got livid in a playground.

I am nothing if not classy but often restrained. Sometimes in a straitjacket.

Floomobal · 20/03/2022 00:02

@kittensinthekitchen

A lot of people would have been angry with a stranger shouting and wagging their finger in their 3 year olds face.

@Derbee

Are you just making it up to go along with the OPs ever changing account of what happened?
The OP said she "started telling her off" - when you tell your children off, does that involve shouting in their face?

@kittensinthekitchen the OP literally said the woman was wagging a finger in the child’s face. Not sure what you’re confused about? Confused
kittensinthekitchen · 20/03/2022 02:35

@Floomobal

Did she say shouting?

Greatexpectations77 · 20/03/2022 09:38

She didn’t say shouting.

kittensinthekitchen · 20/03/2022 10:23

@Greatexpectations77

No, the OP didn't. The poster at 15.44 that I'm quoting did.

Derbee · 20/03/2022 11:22

@kittensinthekitchen she said the grandmother was “rather aggressive” so it may or may not have involved shouting. Who knows? But silly to derail a thread with your pedantry. So I’ll let you have the last word, because it really doesn’t matter. Smile

Barbie222 · 20/03/2022 12:38

This is why at 3 you trail around after them in the playground, I'm afraid!

No way would there have been an occasion when anyone was closer to the action with my 3 year old in a playground than I was myself - and I've had 4 close together in age.

Not a fair situation for anyone to be in and one of your own making Op.

SoyaChai · 20/03/2022 13:12

Teaching your child that they can commandeer public spaces and equipment for as long as they want

OP said her DD has only just got on the horse. I think 5 minutes is a reasonable time. If she'd only just got on it for less than a minute before this other little girl tried to make her get off, that isn't right.

PenguinPup · 20/03/2022 13:19

Sorry OP but if your child is only 3 she needs help to understand how to share equipment in the park. You should have been with her, helping her. Then another adult wouldn't have had to intervene.

SoyaChai · 20/03/2022 13:20

someone else came along then I'd move on once I'd had a reasonable amount of time to look at it. Because it's manners to consider others.

But what is a "reasonable" amount of time? What if your idea if what is reasonable is different from the other person's?

Some people seem to think that as soon as their child wants a go, the other child should have 1 more minute and then get off, even if the child currently on the equipment has only been on it for 1 minute themselves. Then the next child gets on and nobody wants a turn so they get 5 minutes. Seems fair Hmm. I'm not going to rush my child off just because someone else's has decided it's their turn. They can wait until my child has had what I consider to be reasonable. And as OP said hers had only just got on the horse... It doesn't sound like she had a reasonable amount of time at all.

50DaysAF · 20/03/2022 18:12

This thread is like that scene in Pinocchio when the nose gets longer and longer.

Hertsgirl10 · 20/03/2022 18:19

You didn’t over react at all, I would have told her to fuck off and control her kid.
It’s always the parents/grandparents that aren’t watching their kids that end up telling other peoples kids off, every time!

Some stupid woman who had a super brat kid wasn’t watching it, told my son off for something he didn’t do, and then her kid said it was another one and she looked pretty stupid, she would if known if she, you know was watching her kid and not gentle parenting him from afar.

Hertsgirl10 · 20/03/2022 18:36

[quote Whoisdangermouse]@HRTQueen Yes, feeling gobsmacked how this suddenly became my fault and I’m a shit mother for not watching my awful, bully of a daughter…bizarre[/quote]
@Whoisdangermouse
You’re not a shit mum and it’s not her fault, the people on the thread with their weird comments are the mums that don’t watch their kids and presume it’s everyone else’s kids fault why theirs is acting up.
Well I presume cos they have the same attitude 😂

And kids don’t HAVE to include random kids to play with at the park, especially ones that behave like that. So many people think that kids should just accept any kid to play, shows how we’ve ended up with the level of entitlement in kids these days, doesn’t it.