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Original poster

Stranger telling Dd off, how would you react?

209 replies

Whoisdangermouse · 19/03/2022 10:29

Just want to check if I’ve overreacted. Yesterday I took Dd, 3 to the playground, she found another girl to play with and I was sat chatting to her mum on and off.
Another girl joined in and there was some arguing between her and dd, Dd telling her not to do something and DD’s new friend shouting at her not to aswell.
The new girl went off to play and Dd went to sit on one of those bouncy horse things, her new friend next to her waiting her turn.
New girl came up and started to say it was her turn and was being pretty annoying. I then saw her grandma, I think, she was with grandad and mum-young grandma, late 50’s perhaps, come up to Dd and start waggling her finger in her face telling her off 🤷🏻‍♀️Dd looked pretty shocked and unsure…she was quite aggressive about it. I went over and asked if everything was ok? In a fairly ‘What’s going on’ tone. She looked a bit embarrassed and said everything was fine.
I’m definitely not one to defend dd if she’s being a bugger, as she can be, but she’d clearly done nothing wrong and at 3 shouldn’t have had a stranger telling her off and wagging a finger in her face 🤷🏻‍♀️
Did I overreact? What would you have done?

OP posts:
phishy · 19/03/2022 13:29

@limitedperiodonly what sanctimonious twaddle.

LBFseBrom · 19/03/2022 13:30

@BrutusMcDogface

No it wasn’t ok for a stranger to wag her finger in your dd’s face BUT.... why were she and her new friend actually shouting at the other girl? Do you think maybe as the mums, instead of sitting on the bench having a nice chat, you could have gone over to see what the problem was?
I agree with that.
HRTQueen · 19/03/2022 13:32

It’s a none issue but now you probably more worried

Lesson learnt from this MN will argue and turn on you over absolutely nothing ….

Peasock · 19/03/2022 13:44

@Reviewer123456

Can’t keep up with the different version of events, sounds like poor behaviours all round, parents/grand parents included!!
Haha I agree, it's not clear at all what actually happened.
Original poster
Whoisdangermouse · 19/03/2022 13:47

@HRTQueen Yes, feeling gobsmacked how this suddenly became my fault and I’m a shit mother for not watching my awful, bully of a daughter…bizarre

OP posts:
SoyaChai · 19/03/2022 13:54

If she had done nothing wrong then a stranger wouldn't have told her off.

They might well have done. Because not everyone has the same ideas about what is wrong or OK for a child to do.

IvorCutler · 19/03/2022 13:56

I told off one of my dd’s best friends the other day, not in a horrible way, just in a that’s not nice, please don’t do it again way. I then removed dd from the situation (I had overheard a nasty comment and dd’s friend hadn’t seen me).

I generally like to leave children to sort it out for themselves, unless someone is clearly in distress or I’ve overheard something horrible. If I saw a parent telling my child off I’d likely give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that they had witnessed something unacceptable. I’d talk to them about it and apologise if necessary!

ode2me · 19/03/2022 13:57

@AmyDudley

I'd fly kick them in the face

Then you are mentally unstable and not fit to be in charge of a tin of beans let alone a child.

Absolutely. What a deranged, unsafe person to be around a child. Perhaps the child would be better off with someone who doesn't glorify violence.
BoredZelda · 19/03/2022 13:58

The original situation sounds like your child was hogging the play equipment and being mean to another child. I’d have stepped in if it were my child on either side of that, not waited til another adult got involved.

Jedsnewstar · 19/03/2022 13:58

What would you have done?

Chinned the bitch. (In my head)

MissyB1 · 19/03/2022 14:00

@BoredZelda

The original situation sounds like your child was hogging the play equipment and being mean to another child. I’d have stepped in if it were my child on either side of that, not waited til another adult got involved.
Yep. If OP had addressed her dd’s behaviour then that Grandma wouldn’t have had to step in.
SoyaChai · 19/03/2022 14:02

If OP had addressed her dd’s behaviour then

Was she hogging it or was she having a fair amount of time on the equipment and this little girls grandma disagreed that it was a fair amount of time?

Winterflower84 · 19/03/2022 14:19

If DD misbehaved and a stranger told her off, I'd approach and apologise for DD, however in the situation as you're describing, I'd be annoyed too. I'd possibly ask her to explain why she was wagging her finger. It's too much.

WhyIsEverythingSoHard · 19/03/2022 14:22

Yep. If OP had addressed her dd’s behaviour then that Grandma wouldn’t have had to step in.

But did she need to intervene though?
Is that not normal to wait your turn?
Is that not normal to not want to play with someone else?

The only thing that happened is for a 3yo to say NO when she was asked to to stop playing on an equipemnt she had just started to use.

OfstedOffred · 19/03/2022 14:22

. I remember being wee and if you'd got in trouble from an adult and if you told your mum, she'd just assume you had been naughty and told you that you shouldn't have been doing whatever you were doing. Very different times we live in.

Don't worry, this is still my assumption!

HRTQueen · 19/03/2022 14:35

Whoisdangermouse

What you did was fine. It’s really nothing to worry about enjoy the sunshine 🌞

SeasonFinale · 19/03/2022 14:48

Perhaps you need to reread your original post in which you state:

Another girl joined in and there was some arguing between her and dd, Dd telling her not to do something and DD’s new friend shouting at her not to aswell.

This suggests another girl joined in and your DD and another girl were shouting at her. Rather than she did something wrong.

You didn't say they shouted in response to her doing anything which is where all the confusion has arisen.

Again I have no problem with an adult telling my child off if they deserve it and I haven't seen what they did/was chatting to someone at the time. Perhaps the grandmother like you was not paying attention and therefore could only go on seeing the last part of the interaction where you state your DD and another girl were shouting at her GD.

Skyblueclouds77 · 19/03/2022 14:59

I'd have intervened before that when the girls were shouting at the other one to find out what the issue was, I wouldn't have sat there letting things escalate so the grandmother felt the need to tell your dd off. I wouldn't be impressed with a stranger wagging her finger in my child's face but I'd definitely want to know what had occurred to warrant this in the first place. If my child had been rude or unkind then yes it's totally justified to be told off, be it by me or a stranger.

Original poster
Whoisdangermouse · 19/03/2022 15:21

@BoredZelda She’d only just got on the horse, how is that hogging it 😅

OP posts:
limitedperiodonly · 19/03/2022 15:26

[quote phishy]@limitedperiodonly what sanctimonious twaddle.[/quote]
In your opinion

Derbee · 19/03/2022 15:44

@OfstedOffred

Ps it's completely fine for adults not in a childs family to tell them off if they are not behaving appropriately.
There is no way I would accept a stranger in a park telling my child off. I think you reacted completely appropriately. A lot of people would have been angry with a stranger shouting and wagging their finger in their 3 year olds face.
Derbee · 19/03/2022 15:48

@BoredZelda

The original situation sounds like your child was hogging the play equipment and being mean to another child. I’d have stepped in if it were my child on either side of that, not waited til another adult got involved.
“Hogging the play equipment” for some, is not immediately starting a countdown to remove your child from something because some random kid wants a go.

Your child is on a swing. Another child comes up and wants a go. Why on earth should that mean you then tell your child “ok, 2 more minutes on the swing, because this child wants a turn and their feelings are more valid than yours”. If my child is on the swing, they’re on the swing. I don’t care who comes up and wants a go, they can either wait until my child is finished on the swing, chooses to give the swing to the other child, or they can go and play on something else.

Raising children to subserviently scuttle off when a randomer decides they want what your child is using, is bizarre.

Papayamya · 19/03/2022 15:49

Another girl joined in and there was some arguing between her and dd, Dd telling her not to do something and DD’s new friend shouting at her not to aswell.

Whilst they're only 3, perhaps the child went and told the adult they were with that 2 children had been shouting at her and they went to say something. There's a big gulf between helicopter parenting and being aware of what your child is up to, if you were quite happy for DD and another child to shout no at this child then seems odd you're against an adult saying something to her because you didn't.

ColMustardInTheLibrary · 19/03/2022 18:04

I feel that @CurlyhairedAssassin has not received praise owed for the cracking comment upthread:

“It’s not Lord of the Flies”.

GrinGrinGrin really made me chuckle, excellent work!

kittensinthekitchen · 19/03/2022 18:04

A lot of people would have been angry with a stranger shouting and wagging their finger in their 3 year olds face.

@Derbee

Are you just making it up to go along with the OPs ever changing account of what happened?
The OP said she "started telling her off" - when you tell your children off, does that involve shouting in their face?

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