Stranger telling Dd off, how would you react?

[Whoisdangermouse]

Just want to check if I’ve overreacted. Yesterday I took Dd, 3 to the playground, she found another girl to play with and I was sat chatting to her mum on and off.
Another girl joined in and there was some arguing between her and dd, Dd telling her not to do something and DD’s new friend shouting at her not to aswell.
The new girl went off to play and Dd went to sit on one of those bouncy horse things, her new friend next to her waiting her turn.
New girl came up and started to say it was her turn and was being pretty annoying. I then saw her grandma, I think, she was with grandad and mum-young grandma, late 50’s perhaps, come up to Dd and start waggling her finger in her face telling her off 🤷🏻‍♀️Dd looked pretty shocked and unsure…she was quite aggressive about it. I went over and asked if everything was ok? In a fairly ‘What’s going on’ tone. She looked a bit embarrassed and said everything was fine.
I’m definitely not one to defend dd if she’s being a bugger, as she can be, but she’d clearly done nothing wrong and at 3 shouldn’t have had a stranger telling her off and wagging a finger in her face 🤷🏻‍♀️
Did I overreact? What would you have done?

'ttelling off’ which is down to a parent, or an authority (such as an employee or warden

This is clearly one not everyone agrees on. My view is that it is perfectly fine for any adult to tell off a child who is misbehaving, and that teaching kids this isn't ok is how you get entitled kids who think they deserve all the rights with none of the responsibilities.

I’d also be open to it if she wanted I complain about something Dd had done and Dd would be disciplined by me.

[quote Whoisdangermouse]@Gowithme She wasn’t just trying to join in, every time she went up to Dd & other girl it was some kind of shouting/pushing/kicking
They were playing nicely before that[/quote]
It's hard to know as the story has changed a bit, in your first post your DD and her friend weren't being very nice, now it has changed and the other girl started the trouble.

Another girl joined in and there was some arguing between her and dd, Dd telling her not to do something and DD’s new friend shouting at her not to aswell. I'd have intervened at this point with 3 year olds.

@Shiningpath

I'd fly kick them in the face

As if this is even remotely true. So over the top.

There's always one dramatic liar in threads like this. Of course she'd fly kick a stranger, she's so hard don't you know

@Flossieskeeper I watch Dd constantly and am working on being less of a helicopter type parent now she’s 3 and not follow her everywhere, we were sat on a bench very close.

@OfstedOffred Yes, if they’re not behaving appropriately I agree. From that interaction, it wasn’t appropriate at all.

But then what would the GM actually be saying, "dont play so nicely"? there had to be something about the whole situation for GM to have anything to actually tell off.

The lady was out of order.

Why are you so confident that your daughter did nothing wrong?

That said or asked, I strongly disapprove of what the other lady did.

@ancientgran Yes, we were due to, it was very brief, girl ran off and Dd bd friend carried on playing until the horse incident

What would you suggest she do OP? You’ve described your DD and her new friend excluding the other young girl and shouting at her. Doesn’t seem like you were planning so step in…was the lady supposed to hang back and watch as her child/grandchild was excluded and shouted at?

@whynotwhy I was watching the whole time, the other little girl was instigated and cranky, acting like a pain tbh!

Posted to soon. The lady should have approached you first, or even better you could have stepped earlier to defuse the situation.

To be honest it sounds like you should have stepped in during the shouting. You keep adding bits to make the new child look like she was in the wrong.

Why didn't you step in when she was shouting, pushing and kicking your child? Seems odd if her behaviour was that bad that you didn't do something. And that you didn't mention this in your op.
When you say 'she'd clearly done nothing wrong' how can you be sure without knowing what your child and the other girl had said? Did you ask your dd what she said? They may have been unkind to the girl.
Of course yanbu to be assertive in these situations but seems like you might not have the full story (and neither would the grandmother). I think I'd have said 'is everything OK girls? Perhaps we can help sort it out' with all children and the grandmother there.

You watched as your daughter and friend both shouted at the other girl. At that age I would have stepped in asking my daughter to include the child.

If someone wagged their finger in my 3 year olds face, they'd of got the sharp end of my tongue.

So the other child was pushing/shoving/kicking your DD and her new friend and you didn't intervene, you still sat chatting to her mother.

Why did you not go and sort it out at this point.

I think your reaction was fine but I also don't subscribe to the "never tell off other people's children" school of parenting.

@Shiningpath

I'd fly kick them in the face

As if this is even remotely true. So over the top.

Why do people even bother to post stuff like this, when we know in reality they’d slink away quietly?

Your post doesn't make sense. First you said your DD and her friend were shouting at this child and when people say this isn't kind you changed your story.
I have told other children off if they're being mean to mine and the parents ignore it. To the grandparents it probably looked like the girls were being mean, and it sounds like they were, so she stepped in because you didn't.
Funny how you ignored your DDs behaviour until another adult stepped in.
Grandma was probably embarrassed that she had to tell your DD off.
Regardless of which child was shouting you should have stepped in then.

If the other girl was bothering your DD and her friend, that's when you should have stepped in.

3yo's are far too young to navigate situations like that on their own without guidance from you.

@Cyw2018 DD is 3 years old so its not appropriate for strangers to tell her off. When she's older of course, but for now she needs the security of family setting boundaries.

I do agree wrong to tell your dd off in those circumstances but another view is that I’m sick of parents ignoring/ not caring that their dc is misbehaving but as soon as you say hey stop that it’s like excuse me did you dare to tell my child off.
So it’s six of one half a dozen of another .

A 3-yr-old can't navigate situations like the one you left her in. If your child is shouting, then they obviously aren't coping. If your child and her friend are ganging up on someone, then your child isn't learning how to play nicely with others. If your child is hogging a piece of equipment, then they're not learning how to share. If you had intervened at any of those points, the other adult wouldn't have had to and the children might have played nicely together.