Stranger telling Dd off, how would you react?

[Whoisdangermouse]

Just want to check if I’ve overreacted. Yesterday I took Dd, 3 to the playground, she found another girl to play with and I was sat chatting to her mum on and off.
Another girl joined in and there was some arguing between her and dd, Dd telling her not to do something and DD’s new friend shouting at her not to aswell.
The new girl went off to play and Dd went to sit on one of those bouncy horse things, her new friend next to her waiting her turn.
New girl came up and started to say it was her turn and was being pretty annoying. I then saw her grandma, I think, she was with grandad and mum-young grandma, late 50’s perhaps, come up to Dd and start waggling her finger in her face telling her off 🤷🏻‍♀️Dd looked pretty shocked and unsure…she was quite aggressive about it. I went over and asked if everything was ok? In a fairly ‘What’s going on’ tone. She looked a bit embarrassed and said everything was fine.
I’m definitely not one to defend dd if she’s being a bugger, as she can be, but she’d clearly done nothing wrong and at 3 shouldn’t have had a stranger telling her off and wagging a finger in her face 🤷🏻‍♀️
Did I overreact? What would you have done?

"Sounds like all of them needed a bit more supervision than they were getting."

Agreed

@Ponoka7 Exactly, thank you! That’s how I viewed it and hence didn’t step in to her Gd as they’re kids after all and it wasn’t at the point where it was an issue yet.

@limitedperiodonly If she’d been a bully I would have yes, she hadn’t been

@NeedAHoliday2021 I wasn’t far away, we were sat on the bench right in front of them

this is one of those things that's impossible to comment on sensibly if you weren't: (a) there in person; and (b) an objective bystander with no skin in the game either way.

adults should rarely tell other people's kids off/should have a much higher threshold for getting involved than they do with their own kids' behaviour, but that's, of course, not to say that they should never do it, regardless of the circumstances.

Don’t think you were wrong, howeve I’m quite happy to tell other people’s kids off if they are misbehaving, particularly if it affects my own kids. I have also done it on front of their parents. Amazing how a tone of voice and “the look” works wonders.

If an adult told off my child and just said 'it's fine' when I asked them, I'd be going absolutely mental. If you are telling off another persons child, have the balls to tell the parent why when they come to ask. The fact that she didn't tell you why she told them off, means she didn't have a good enough reason too.

[quote Whoisdangermouse]@Pixiedust1234 How offensive are you? It doesn’t mean she’s not well looked after if a stranger speaks to her like that, that’s what I’m posting about. The lady had no need to do this, my Dd had done nothing wrong.[/quote]
If she had done nothing wrong then a stranger wouldn't have told her off. If you had been more aware of your surroundings you would have had an inkling of why another adult approached your child...Time to use logical thinking. Many other posters are also saying your child might not be the angel you are making her out to be.

Calling me offensive bc I have stated what other posters have already said is laughable.

1st version:

New girl came up and started to say it was her turn and was being pretty annoying. I then saw her grandma, I think, she was with grandad and mum-young grandma, late 50’s perhaps, come up to Dd

2nd version:

when girl approached again trying to kick and saying she wanted a go, Gm approached straightaway.

3rd version:

When the other girl ran up to the horse when the girls were playing nicely, I got up to walk over

Sorry to nitpick but it is hard to get a sense of what happened, didnthe girl kick yoir dd?

If you want to be involved in every little spat then you need to be on the ball and know exactly what has happened which I don't think you do on this occasion.

If you are happy to let your kids stand their ground and work out their own issues (within reason) then let them do that.

Anyway, this was a minor incident, just move on and enjoy your day!

@Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious

If an adult told off my child and just said 'it's fine' when I asked them, I'd be going absolutely mental. If you are telling off another persons child, have the balls to tell the parent why when they come to ask. The fact that she didn't tell you why she told them off, means she didn't have a good enough reason too.

haha, you say that, but if approached by a likely (from the number and tone of her posts) visibly apoplectic drama queen (likelier drama high empress or similar) in the shape of OP, what had previously seemed like something worth getting involved in might very suddenly have seemed an awful lot more like unjustifiably hard work, with a pleasant, stress-free day out at stake.

@Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious That was my thoughts also, I’d be open to her telling me the issue

Sounds like the little girl is a madam because her family have taught her to be. The " can do no wrong" type.

I can't decide if I'd have gone over the first time. But when she said "everything's fine" I'd have pushed for an explanation.

Once someone smacked my child when my back was turned and my kid only told me when we’d left (he’s autistic and not great at communicating). He was writing on the slips they used to have in the banks. I was pretty furious about that but couldn’t identify the woman when we went back.

Otherwise if I was just saying come on be nice I’m very likely to say ‘it’s fine’ rather than get into it over toddlers.

Some lovely posters towards the end. Thanks for that, enjoy your day.

We had a similar situation with DD when I was pregnant so she would have either been late three or just turned four.

Went to an outdoor national trust type place and they had a massive park. DD really struggles to assert herself/put herself out there and we had started encouraging her to be more brave/independent.

She had gone up to a little boy who had a bucket and spade and asked if she could play with him, they were having a lovely time, sharing really nicely and I had gotten chatting to his Mum who had just found out she was pregnant. A girl came up and tried to snatch the bucket off them.

DD and boy shouted out at her to stop, it was theirs etc and little girl suddenly starts screaming like a banshee, trying to scratch and hit the boy who was gripping the bucket.

His Mum went up and beached whale bootothegoose taking a minute or so to get over. Mum has it handled with a diplomatic 'no we don't hurt each other, that's not nice. Where's your Mummy?' Girl instantly composes herself starts to reply when the Grandmother suddenly appears, ignores both me and boys mum and starts berating the children for not sharing/being nice and saying toys are for sharing. If they can't share then they can't play with it. Girl instantly starts wailing again.

Boy's mum gave a firm, they don't have to share with anyone who hurts them, that they were her son's toys and she had no right to say what they could do with said toys and takes bucket.

Grandma picks up child, still screaming, looks directly at mum and says 'watch your attitude, young lady.' before walking off the park chanting 'nasty children, nasty toys, nasty mummy' to the little girl.

In my ten years old parenting it was the strangest experience I've ever had. I was stood there completely lost for words and I was glad it had been the boys' toy as if it was DD I don't know what I would have said/done. I think you were very diplomatic.

YANBU, whether it was needed or not, you always have the right to know why someone is speaking to your child. We don't waggle our fingers in the faces of anyone else's child, be-it justly deserved or not. We ensure all parties are safe and if they are being unpleasant/stopping our children from playing (not as in our child wants a turn) we calmly assert boundaries and ask them to stop/redirect/encourage our children to ignore them.

@puffyisgood No I'd still tell a parent, I'm not a child and can stand my ground. If I was to tell off someone's child I would tell them why. Not to do so just means you know your reason wasn't valid.

@Bootothegoose That’s awful, totally agree with you

No, I don’t allow strangers to do this to my child. I was always there to help resolve the conflict etc but no one is allowed to come to my toddler and tell them off in front of me

@Whoisdangermouse children are not obliged to be friends with anyone - that is an important lesson to teach them whether it's playing with other children or allowing an adult to make them sit on their lap.

She is only three so you're right, she isn't a bully. But this is bullying behaviour whether she understands it or not. You are her parent and should teach her there are usually ways of letting people down nicely while not being a pushover. Sometimes that means breaking off from your chat with a mate and standing near your child to supervise the spats that small children have. Otherwise what happens is the other kid's parent or gran gets involved and you can't really argue because you haven't been doing anything.

These things happen.

You can absolutely tell which children have parents that are OK with adults telling them off and which don’t. The letters the ones who go to school and everything is the teacher’s fault.

YABU for posting on AIBU when you don’t think you’re being unreasonable. I also don’t think you have a handle on what was going on here and for that reason I think there’s a fair bit more to this.

*The latter are the ones. Bloody phone.

Can’t keep up with the different version of events, sounds like poor behaviours all round, parents/grand parents included!!