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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stranger telling Dd off, how would you react?

209 replies

Whoisdangermouse · 19/03/2022 10:29

Just want to check if I’ve overreacted. Yesterday I took Dd, 3 to the playground, she found another girl to play with and I was sat chatting to her mum on and off.
Another girl joined in and there was some arguing between her and dd, Dd telling her not to do something and DD’s new friend shouting at her not to aswell.
The new girl went off to play and Dd went to sit on one of those bouncy horse things, her new friend next to her waiting her turn.
New girl came up and started to say it was her turn and was being pretty annoying. I then saw her grandma, I think, she was with grandad and mum-young grandma, late 50’s perhaps, come up to Dd and start waggling her finger in her face telling her off 🤷🏻‍♀️Dd looked pretty shocked and unsure…she was quite aggressive about it. I went over and asked if everything was ok? In a fairly ‘What’s going on’ tone. She looked a bit embarrassed and said everything was fine.
I’m definitely not one to defend dd if she’s being a bugger, as she can be, but she’d clearly done nothing wrong and at 3 shouldn’t have had a stranger telling her off and wagging a finger in her face 🤷🏻‍♀️
Did I overreact? What would you have done?

OP posts:
AndAsIfByMagic · 19/03/2022 11:50

Good grief. Some posters seem to think OP should teach her daughter to give in to bullying behaviour from the other child. That's not what she should do.

The girls were right to exclude the child for her poor behaviour. Maybe she may learn that's not how to approach other children.

Pixiedust1234 · 19/03/2022 11:50

Oh dear...drip, drip, drip. There is no way to say whether they were right or wrong as you keep changing the scenario. Just look after your own child better then nobody will need to tell her off in future.

kittensinthekitchen · 19/03/2022 11:50

When the other girl ran up to the horse when the girls were playing nicely

@Whoisdangermouse

But she didn't just run up, she was pulling your DD off the equipment and kicking (the equipment or the girls, I'm not sure)
Then you asked if everything was okay? Of course it wasn't OK. The girl was being violent and aggressive towards your DD, who was innocently playing.

kittensinthekitchen · 19/03/2022 11:52

In what way, in detail, was she "being a pain" to all the other children in the park?

Original poster
Whoisdangermouse · 19/03/2022 11:54

@kittensinthekitchen I walked up to the Gm and asked ‘Is everything ok?’ In a tone to find out why she was talking to my Dd the way she was

OP posts:
WhyIsEverythingSoHard · 19/03/2022 11:54

@Wouldntitbenicetobeinyourshoes

Dd telling her not to do something and DD’s new friend shouting at her not to aswell

Poor girl, I’m not surprised the guardian was pissed off when 2 other girls were mean to theirs.

Err… why are you automatically assuming that it’s the OP’s dd and the new friend who were mean and not the 3rd who was annoying and that the two girls were assertive?

Is that not ok for little girls to say NO anymore then?

Original poster
Whoisdangermouse · 19/03/2022 11:54

@Pixiedust1234 👍She’s very well looked after, thanks.

OP posts:
Londoncallingme · 19/03/2022 11:55

None of it matters, move on.

Original poster
Whoisdangermouse · 19/03/2022 11:56

@WhyIsEverythingSoHard Exactly 🤷🏻‍♀️

@kittensinthekitchen She was running around shouting at others, pulling at them, screaming & crying etc

OP posts:
AmyDudley · 19/03/2022 11:59

I'd fly kick them in the face

Then you are mentally unstable and not fit to be in charge of a tin of beans let alone a child.

wishmyhousetidy · 19/03/2022 12:05

@Londoncallingme

None of it matters, move on.
agree with this-
SnowCatya · 19/03/2022 12:11

So what if your DD and her friend didn't want to play with this other girl? It's not a requirement... All this talk of "excluding" her. So? She can go play with some other kids. I don't want to be friends with every adult I meet, and I didn't want to be friends with every child I met as a kid, why should it be any different for a 3-year-old? Especially if the other girl was doing something that was annoying DD and her friend, which it sounds like she was. You don't have to include everyone. There seems to be an idea that if a child wants to play with another child, the child has to include them otherwise they are mean. I don't understand that at all.

In your shoes, I would have gone over and asked DD what this new girl was doing that meant they didn't want her to play with them and taken it from there.

tillytoodles1 · 19/03/2022 12:12

I told two seven yr olds off in the park because they were being mean to my granddaughter who was three. They were trying to push her off a seat because they wanted sit there. We're seven, we want to sit there. Should I have fly kicked them in the face, or just said don't be nasty girls, she's only little.

Teateaandmoretea · 19/03/2022 12:13

If you never want another adult to say anything to your child you need to make sure you are closely supervising them at all times.

I have no issue personally with someone telling my kids off as long as it’s proportionate and reasonable. Tbf in the situation above if I’d been the granny I’d have moved the other child away, but you weren’t there.

A neighbour once got shirty with me for me telling his son who was doing something dangerous not to do it when he was playing completely unsupervised outside my house. Idiot, he’d have been more upset if I hadn’t stopped him.

Original poster
Whoisdangermouse · 19/03/2022 12:20

@Teateaandmoretea She was supervised the entire time, always is. I do think it’s important now though to give my girl a little space to make new friendships, I was literally on the bench opposite. Up until a couple of months ago I walk behind her in the playground and don’t want to do that anymore, she’ll be 4 soon

OP posts:
Gonnagetgoing · 19/03/2022 12:21

When I’ve witnessed an adult step in, on the whole it’s because another child was rude or unpleasant.

I personally think you didn’t see or hear the whole encounter so just let it go.

Original poster
Whoisdangermouse · 19/03/2022 12:22

@Teateaandmoretea That’s a different situation, I would’ve done the same. This wasn’t a situation like that.

OP posts:
Wedonttalkaboutrats · 19/03/2022 12:27

Meh, just something that happened. No one will be scarred for life. I’d forget all about it.

Pixiedust1234 · 19/03/2022 12:32

[quote Whoisdangermouse]@Pixiedust1234 👍She’s very well looked after, thanks.[/quote]
Apparently not if a stranger had to tell her off. Good grief this is such a non issue.

Ponoka7 · 19/03/2022 12:32

Many children go through the phase of only wanting something when another child has it. Three year olds don't always have good impulse control so they hit/bite/push. It sounds like the other child is in that phase and needed better supervision from her GM. It could be that the other child has difficulties, so she is super defensive. Either way she shouldn't have been wagging her finger in another three year olds face. She's lucky that the children wasn't with their GMs, because we generally will fight to the death Grin. OP, you were in the right to go over. A natural consequence of not being nice is that other children don't want to play with you. That's why free play in playgrounds is valuable. I do feel for the children turning three, without siblings/cousins, they haven't had the same interactions because of lock down.

Teateaandmoretea · 19/03/2022 12:35

But that’s kind of the point isn’t it? As they have more space adults become more likely to intervene in stuff. And the space gets more and more as they get older.

Why are you so adamant that only you should do so? It sounds like this granny’s behaviour was a bit odd, but also pretty meh in the grand scheme of things.

I guess I’ve never had this mindset and don’t particularly understand why you’d be precious about it.

limitedperiodonly · 19/03/2022 12:37

It sounds like your daughter and her new friend were picking on the other little girl and taking pleasure in excluding her. It's the kind of thing children do when someone is outnumbered and adults exist to stop. They are not bad, they just don't know any better.

If I was the gran I'd tell my granddaughter "three's a crowd" and do something else with her instead. Maybe that might include standing over the play horse and making sure she got a turn.

If I was you I'd tell my daughter to play nicely and that it's not nice to be a bully. Do you do that?

TyrannosaurusRegina · 19/03/2022 12:40

@OfstedOffred

Ps it's completely fine for adults not in a childs family to tell them off if they are not behaving appropriately.
Exactly. I remember being wee and if you'd got in trouble from an adult and if you told your mum, she'd just assume you had been naughty and told you that you shouldn't have been doing whatever you were doing. Very different times we live in.
NeedAHoliday2021 · 19/03/2022 12:41

I’m happy to tell dc off if there’s no parent around but it’s possible the person was unreasonable however I think you’re unreasonable for being too far away to fully know what was going on when your Dd is only 3 years old.

Original poster
Whoisdangermouse · 19/03/2022 12:42

@Pixiedust1234 How offensive are you? It doesn’t mean she’s not well looked after if a stranger speaks to her like that, that’s what I’m posting about. The lady had no need to do this, my Dd had done nothing wrong.

OP posts: