to think this shouldn't be normalised?

[ChristinaRussell]

I came across this Blind Date column in The Guardian from a couple of weeks ago: www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/mar/05/blind-date-sam-jenn

Apparently ordering 4 shots before you even sit down to dinner means you're great fun. AIBU to think it actually means you might have a bit of a problem? I get so fed up with heavy drinking being equated with having a good personality and a good time, and if you don't want to get hammered you must be really dull.

For context, I do drink alcohol, but I don't particularly like being drunk, and I LOATHE hangovers - I really don't think that (for me) they are worth the night before.

I'm trying very hard not to come across as po-faced, and honestly, each to their own, but I know that some people I've come across in my life have thought I'm incredibly boring because I prefer not to get rat-arsed. I think, generally speaking, that this is a prevalent attitude in our society and it shouldn't be.

I'm now donning my hard hat in preparation for being told how boring and judgemental I am

Drinking culture is seen as normal these days but I would be a bit ' hmm' if I were on a blind date and the other person ordered so much alcohol , but then I'm old and can't drink much anymore! Thirty odd years ago I may have thought this wasn't so bad , but then people didn't really do shots in my day. It also depends on the person , I'd be inclined to think they may might have a drink problem.
Judging by the smell of weed in town today on a Friday morning, I also think drugs are much more rife too. It seems people need a prop these days ( I'm not anti drinking myself , but I've seen the damage it can cause and I am just wary I suppose)

You are absolutely correct. Does "fun" mean too out of it to consent?

Anyone on MN who has more than a small sherry on Xmas day has a 'problem' 🙄

While I do agree with you, I assume the Guardian is picking up the drinks bill so they're just making the most of free booze. Not necessarily like this all the time.

I agree, it’s not ‘behaviour which should be interrogated not normalised’ but what do you suggest? It’s a feature in a supplement magazine. Should they insist dates don’t drink, edit out the details or provide links to sources of support?
Richard Coles commented in the normalisation of alcohol recently.
End glamourising alcohol

@dontblamemee

Anyone on MN who has more than a small sherry on Xmas day has a 'problem' 🙄

Ha, I definitely have more than that! I just don't like getting drunk. If you do, and can cope with any consequences, then you crack on. I just think that the idea that anyone who doesn't drink loads or take recreational drugs is therefore dull as ditchwater, is at best tedious and at worst damaging.

Shots?! The moment I do a shot I know it's time to leave Yeah I hate the idea you need to drink to have fun.

Watch any drama or soap or even in books drinking or even drug taking is seen as pretty normal behavior these days.
I agree they may have been on free drinks as it's a feature for a newspaper ( I didn't think of that ) but it's still a 'red flag. '

@chouxfleur

While I do agree with you, I assume the Guardian is picking up the drinks bill so they're just making the most of free booze. Not necessarily like this all the time.

Yes that did occur to me, but this headline just annoyed me!

Would having had a cocktail be better?

@Etinoxaurus

I agree, it’s not ‘behaviour which should be interrogated not normalised’ but what do you suggest? It’s a feature in a supplement magazine. Should they insist dates don’t drink, edit out the details or provide links to sources of support? Richard Coles commented in the normalisation of alcohol recently. End glamourising alcohol

Gosh no, not at all! I think it's because I've been ridiculed so many times for not wanting to get completely pissed at social gatherings (note: I would have been drinking, but not to excess) that perhaps I'm a bit sensitive to the whole attitude.

I'll take a look at that article, thanks

@TheHoptimist

Would having had a cocktail be better?

Er, no? Not sure what point you're making there!

I think you're overthinking. To me, he just comes over as a bit of a dick.

I don’t drink. It reacts with my medication and makes me feel shite. But I don’t tell people that, it’s my business. So I just get told I’m boring.

I’m rewatching Phil & Kirstie’s Live Or List It (we’re doing stuff to the house and wanted decorating programs) and EVERY
property search Phil Spencer is like, ‘It’s opposite/down the road/above a pub! What more could you ask for?’

I used to have a colleague who’d spend the whole day talking about when she goes home to have a ‘Grey Goose’ (I think vodka). Like, all day. ‘I can’t wait to go home and pour myself a drink.’ All day.

Makes me wonder how common it is to spend the evening drinking.

I thought he was implying that it was too much

I wouldn't say four shots is a huge amount before dinner on a big night out (and I don't drink). I think you're being a bit po-faced.

A bit like the thread where the woman ate a whole bag of family maltesers at the cinema

Would having had a cocktail be better?

—Er, no? Not sure what point you're making there!—

A cocktail has the same alcohol as 2 shots. Perhaps a large glass of wine (also 2 units of alcohol) would be acceptable

Did you read the whole article? He then goes to on to answer

“If you could change one thing about the evening what would it be?”

with

“Three espresso martinis would have been more than enough.”

The article also says they were out for eight hours. I think 2 shots before dinner is absolutely fine in that situation

To be fair to them it says the date lasted 8 hours, so who knows what the format took, they might’ve been together for 2 hours before they ate?

More importantly I think it’s rude to stay on a date with someone and give them a ‘6’

Agree with you OP.

I do drink (and am capable of knocking back a fair bit!) but have zero time anymore for it being held up as some keymarker of how fun a person or an activity is.

Alcohol can be an enjoyable addition to something, but the focus on alcohol itself in a lot of social situations is tedious.

Four tequilas at the start of a date would have had me in a state of complete idiocy and been a surefire way to ensure no second date

YANBU at all OP.

I mean, any thread on MN mentioning alcohol has to go through the bingo card tick of dontblamemee 's daft comment which is clearly not true, but the idea of necking that much alcohol before you have even had dinner, is concerning, yes.

@chouxfleur

While I do agree with you, I assume the Guardian is picking up the drinks bill so they're just making the most of free booze. Not necessarily like this all the time.

The compulsion to do 4 shots though just because you're not paying is bizarre if you really think about it though...

I mean, who actually enjoys that? Who feels good after downing 4 shots?