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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this shouldn't be normalised?

207 replies

ChristinaRussell · 18/03/2022 15:29

I came across this Blind Date column in The Guardian from a couple of weeks ago: www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/mar/05/blind-date-sam-jenn

Apparently ordering 4 shots before you even sit down to dinner means you're great fun. AIBU to think it actually means you might have a bit of a problem? I get so fed up with heavy drinking being equated with having a good personality and a good time, and if you don't want to get hammered you must be really dull.

For context, I do drink alcohol, but I don't particularly like being drunk, and I LOATHE hangovers - I really don't think that (for me) they are worth the night before.

I'm trying very hard not to come across as po-faced, and honestly, each to their own, but I know that some people I've come across in my life have thought I'm incredibly boring because I prefer not to get rat-arsed. I think, generally speaking, that this is a prevalent attitude in our society and it shouldn't be.

I'm now donning my hard hat in preparation for being told how boring and judgemental I am Grin

to think this shouldn't be normalised?
OP posts:
Original poster
ChristinaRussell · 18/03/2022 17:04

@Pyri

Would having had a cocktail be better?

—Er, no? Not sure what point you're making there!—

A cocktail has the same alcohol as 2 shots. Perhaps a large glass of wine (also 2 units of alcohol) would be acceptable

No, because it's the same thing. "She had two large glasses of wine before sitting down..." "She had two cocktails before sitting down..." On initial reading it sounds like less, so doesn't quite have the impact of "...4 shots..." but if you're correct about the units then of course it's the same. If I'm out for dinner I might have the equivalent of that over the course of the whole evening. Because I don't want to feel like shit.
OP posts:
cranberryhaddock · 18/03/2022 17:04

I read that too and I got the feeling he wasn't all that impressed with her levels of drinking tbh, even though he described the date as fun

Original poster
ChristinaRussell · 18/03/2022 17:06

@Palegreenstars

More importantly I think it’s rude to stay on a date with someone and give them a ‘6’
I thought that as well! Especially as she gave him an 8 and obviously hoped for a second date. Poor lass.
OP posts:
5thnonblonde · 18/03/2022 17:07

Shots before dinner is odd though?! Before dinner people have a Prosecco or a beer or a g&t- a sort of sippable lounge drink (which may or may not be equally as alcoholic I guess?) I assume sge wasn’t only having shots but also had a longer drink on the go which does seem pretty er, merry! I’m with pp’s that if I had 4 shots on no food I’d be a dreadful date!

incognitoforthisone · 18/03/2022 17:07

Apparently ordering 4 shots before you even sit down to dinner means you're great fun.

I would run a mile from someone who had four shots before dinner, personally! I used to work with a woman who drank like that and we all found her unbearable when we went out, to be honest.

In this case of this article, I don't think it necessarily means she 'has a problem' as it might not be habitual for her. But I do get where you're coming from about it being annoying when people equate 'drunk' with 'fun' and I agree that if you're not drinking, or only drinking in moderation, it's really tedious when other people bang on about it.There a billion reasons why someone might not be drinking, and 'I just hate being drunk' is absolutely a valid one.

(Although I also think there are many different ways to decline a drink, and occasionally people do it in a way that makes it very clear they're judging the hell out of the drinkers and consider themselves far superior, which is also tedious.)

I don't really think the article is normalising it, though. The point of the Blind Date feature is for the couple to express their personal opinions about each other and what they personally liked/disliked/noticed. And I think the fact that they've pulled out that particular quote actually makes it clear that it's very much not the norm - if it was the norm, the guy on the date wouldn't have mentioned it and the Guardian wouldn't have used the quote in the headline.

I know the bloke himself implies that it means she was fun or interesting or whatever, but that's really just about him and his impressions. I'm pretty sure a lot of people, male or female, would have said 'First impressions? She ordered four shots before we'd even sat down to eat so I was a bit horrified to be honest.'

Cognoscenti · 18/03/2022 17:08

Obviously 4 shots of tequila before dinner is a bit much and I don't think most people would think it normal.

Fairislefandango · 18/03/2022 17:09

Anyone on MN who has more than a small sherry on Xmas day has a 'problem'

That's an out-and-out lie though, isn't it? Because nobody on MN (or anywhere else) ever says that having more than a small sherry means you have a problem. I've seen that exact line used on many threads, usually by people who desperately want to believe that what they regard as normal drinking is perfectly ok, and that the UK doesn't have a very unhealthy drinking culture.

Palegreenstars · 18/03/2022 17:09

*stay on a date for 8 hours I mean

prettyteapotsplease · 18/03/2022 17:11

'I can enjoy myself when I'm sober, is that a problem for you?' is my response if remarks are made about my lack of drinking. It gives them something to think about and thus far has shut them up. I don't think they're terribly happy about it as it makes consider their own behaviour but I'm too old to care what other people think about me. A certain amount of self-confidence is required which is something I've acquired at last.

Notgoodatpoetrybutgreatatlit · 18/03/2022 17:12

I agree with you op. Alcohol has a big impact on people. The witty become boring and the fluent talker becomes incoherent. I claim no credit for myself being sober now, I had to give up as I became intolerant. But come on our whole civilisation almost, is in denial about alcohol, I wish more tv and film writers showed honestly the effects of drinking. So often you watch characters drink a huge glass of whisky and be totally unaffected. So why drink it? It's my special little hate.

Mull · 18/03/2022 17:13

I was quite shocked when I watched The Brits recently and there was someone making cocktails and they kept reporting back about how smashed everyone was getting. Seemed a bizarre amount of focus on alcohol but maybe I’m just very, very old!

MarshaBradyo · 18/03/2022 17:15

Four shots is a lot before dinner

I haven’t read the link though so not sure if he meant he thought it too much or not

balalake · 18/03/2022 17:17

OP I agree with you.

SpaceshipDay · 18/03/2022 17:19

4 shots =

Alcoholic OR

‘I’m mad, me!’ type OR

Incredibly nervous

But either way, drunk at the start of a first date doesn’t sound ‘fun’ to me.

Momicrone · 18/03/2022 17:20

I've noticed on mumsnet that binge drinking is far more frowned upon than binge eating

SpaceshipDay · 18/03/2022 17:25

@Momicrone

I've noticed on mumsnet that binge drinking is far more frowned upon than binge eating
Binge eating doesn’t turn people into insufferable arseholes
tkwal · 18/03/2022 17:32

The problem with shots is that they are either drunk by wizened cowboys in old westerns or by immature people who can't get their buzz on quickly enough by drinking ordinary measures of alcohol. They are usually popular in bars pushing the cheapest brands of spirits /liqueurs in the knowledge that no one will notice the low quality in the short time it takes to consume them
I'm surprised anyone would choose to have 4 shots before dinner because by the time they eat they won't be in a state to enjoy the food.
No, I'm not pro temperance but I am against encouraging people to be irresponsible. I have the feeling that girls being called "fun" is because alcohol is well known to lower inhibitions as well as standards

dudsville · 18/03/2022 17:32

This is one of the things about which people need to be "equally yoked", as my farmer and preacher grandfather used to say. If both are drinkers then wayhay, what larks! If one is and the other isn't then that date isn't going all the way to party town.

thepeopleversuswork · 18/03/2022 17:33

I’m with you about the insidious normalisation of drinking but I can’t get upset about this really..,

It’s a blind date that’s going to be written about in a national newspaper, they must be nervous and said newspaper is footing the bill. They are young and single.

If there were a scenario where a bit of Dutch courage was called for I’d say this was it.

Pyri · 18/03/2022 17:35

No, because it's the same thing. "She had two large glasses of wine before sitting down..." "She had two cocktails before sitting down..." On initial reading it sounds like less, so doesn't quite have the impact of "...4 shots..." but if you're correct about the units then of course it's the same. If I'm out for dinner I might have the equivalent of that over the course of the whole evening. Because I don't want to feel like shit.

@ChristinaRussell the article says she ORDERED 4 shots, not that she drank them all. Presumably 2 were for her and 2 for him.

Ie, the same as one cocktail or one glass of wine. The whole point of journalism is to get reader engagement and often they will slightly twist what happened to entice people in.

It wouldn’t quite be the same headline to say “she ordered 4 beers” before dinner” would it

DetailMouse · 18/03/2022 17:44

I like a drink. I have friends who don't drink and respect that, but I wouldn't go on a "night out" with them, I'm sorry, but the drinkers are more fun in that situation.

The nest nights out are when you're a bit beyond tipsy but not close to staggering.

I don't ever do shots and TBH do judge people who do. I love drunken putting the world to rights chats and dancing like no one's watching, not ending up in the gutter!

FirewomanSam · 18/03/2022 17:46

Anyone on MN who has more than a small sherry on Xmas day has a 'problem'

I am so fucking sick of this line getting trotted out every time someone suggests that binge drinking is less than ideal.

Everything on Mumsnet is so bloody extreme and those of us who raise the slightest concern re alcohol are, ironically, accused of being hysterical and extreme in our temperance. Why can’t we discuss the normalisation of drinking culture without someone immediately trotting out the ‘if you have more than a small sherry…’ line EVERY bloody time?!

DetailMouse · 18/03/2022 17:50

@DetailMouse

I like a drink. I have friends who don't drink and respect that, but I wouldn't go on a "night out" with them, I'm sorry, but the drinkers are more fun in that situation.

The nest nights out are when you're a bit beyond tipsy but not close to staggering.

I don't ever do shots and TBH do judge people who do. I love drunken putting the world to rights chats and dancing like no one's watching, not ending up in the gutter!

I should say I have a night out like that maybe once a month and occasionally have a glass of wine with dinner in-between Grin
Hawkins001 · 18/03/2022 17:52

Tis a pickle with some.

UneFoisAuChalet · 18/03/2022 17:58

Hmmm, I’m on the fence with this one. In my twenties/early thirties, I wouldn’t have blinked if my date ordered shots. In fact, I met my husband in a bar and I ordered a round shots once I decided I liked him.

Now, I would think my date ‘may have a problem’. But that’s because I’m older and wiser and can’t handle hangovers when I’ve got kids to look after, a house to clean blah blah blah. When it was just me and my cat, overindulging was ‘the norm’.