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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend giving me cold shoulder for winning money and buying house

222 replies

namechange15294 · 27/02/2022 22:10

I won some money and finally my dream of buying a house is achievable. For context, it's not money won on a lottery, more like compensation I got for something I went through.

I announced the news to my closest friends. I wasn't bragging or rubbing it in their faces, but I thought they'd be happy for me. Out of these friends, I'm the one on a low income that's kind of been scraping by, the others are better off.

One friend in particular did not acknowledge it and changed the subject, I didn't know if it was intentional at the time. I know this friend has been saving up to buy a house for a while. However she lives with family not paying rent and bills and puts everything she can into savings. She has more than enough to put a deposit on the kind of house I'm looking to buy (literally a starter home), but she wants to put a large deposit down on a huge detached house with everything top of the range so it can be her forever home. She is willing to live with relatives and never pay rent until she can achieve this.

Anyway, I ended up asking her directly about some mortgage stuff before I see a broker as I know she's been researching this lots whereas it's all new to me. She just replied "idk" and then moved the conversation on. Since then she's been giving me the cold shoulder in the group chat.

I feel hurt because it feels like she's not happy for me at all. I went through hell and honestly I wish I never got the money if it meant I didn't go through what I did to be entitled to it. But the moment something good happens in my life she doesn't care. Yet recently I've been happy for her for getting a promotion and doing well in her career.

I feel like I can't even raise it with her because I will sound crazy asking why she's not happy for me!

Also, recently she was annoyed that she won't be entitled to council tax rebate... because she doesn't pay council tax. Nor does she pay energy bills that the rebate is meant to support anyway. But she said she still faces living costs increase because food is more expensive so it's not fair on her. There's been other instances like that recently and I'm starting to get the impression she begrudges any leg-up other people get that she doesn't, and probably feels the same way about me winning my claim.

AIBU?

OP posts:
kerosene20 · 27/02/2022 22:12

YANBU and she sounds spoilt and selfish. Enjoy your new home OP.

needanewplannow · 27/02/2022 22:16

I'm sorry you've had to discover this side of your friend, she sounds like a dick. How have your other friends been?

If you're still looking for a broker, btw, I highly recommend L&C. (Used to be called London & Country). I've used them twice, after seeing them recommended here and in the Guardian.

They're both free and independent.

www.landc.co.uk/

Lemonweightloss · 27/02/2022 22:16

YANBU.
She's not a friend. If she were, she'd be happy for you.
Jealousy is a horrible trait.

Original poster
namechange15294 · 27/02/2022 22:18

[quote needanewplannow]I'm sorry you've had to discover this side of your friend, she sounds like a dick. How have your other friends been?

If you're still looking for a broker, btw, I highly recommend L&C. (Used to be called London & Country). I've used them twice, after seeing them recommended here and in the Guardian.

They're both free and independent.

www.landc.co.uk/[/quote]
Thank you, I was thinking of calling them this week but wasn't sure if they're good because they're free, but this is reassuring!

OP posts:
Original poster
namechange15294 · 27/02/2022 22:20

@needanewplannow

Oh, forgot to say, my other friends have been great and supportive but none of them have bought a house or looking to buy soon, that's why I asked that one friend specifically about mortgages

OP posts:
Eucalyptusbee · 27/02/2022 22:20

Maybe its not jealousy and they just don't approve of how you got the money eg did you sue someone / healthcare claims etc?

LolaButt · 27/02/2022 22:20

I’ve experienced similar. You have to ask yourself, why would anyone be jealous when the money comes off the back of something negative which has harmed you?

That’s a shitty person who likely does not deserve your friendship.

Original poster
namechange15294 · 27/02/2022 22:23

@Eucalyptusbee

Maybe its not jealousy and they just don't approve of how you got the money eg did you sue someone / healthcare claims etc?
Well if they don't approve of the way I got it I'd be even more appalled to be honest after everything I went through.
OP posts:
HiJenny35 · 27/02/2022 22:24

L&C are excellent, won lots of awards, no hard sell. Can do all over phone/Internet.

ElIie · 27/02/2022 22:33

As someone else said, it might be the way you obtained the money that is bothering her?

I know someone who sued a public body and received a lot of money. The amount they received was way over the top for the reason they sued imo. I felt it was incredibly unethical and did make me think rather poorly of them tbh.

Original poster
namechange15294 · 27/02/2022 22:33

Thank you for the L&C recommendations! Grin

OP posts:
AliceMcK · 27/02/2022 22:33

You don’t need people like this in your life. I’d call her out and ask what her problem is.

Life is honestly to short to be having toxic friends in it, I wouldn’t want someone who made me feel bad about anything in my life.

Original poster
namechange15294 · 27/02/2022 22:36

@ElIie

As someone else said, it might be the way you obtained the money that is bothering her?

I know someone who sued a public body and received a lot of money. The amount they received was way over the top for the reason they sued imo. I felt it was incredibly unethical and did make me think rather poorly of them tbh.

Me and my unborn child's life was placed at risk.
OP posts:
Original poster
namechange15294 · 27/02/2022 22:38

If she had a problem with me taking legal action on that, then it would be me thinking poorly of them not the other way round

OP posts:
Katya213 · 27/02/2022 22:42

People like to keep you in the gutter, they cannot stand it when you rise up. They always want to keep you down and always remind you that you must stay in the gutter.

PerseverancePays · 27/02/2022 22:47

Sometimes in group of friends, and families, there's an unspoken hierarchy and pecking order. If you've been scraping by it could be that she's looked down on you and enjoyed that she's doing better than you. Now you've upset the order by being able to buy a house. She's not happy about her new position below you, not only are you buying she's not even renting! You might find a few other ruffled feathers as you progress, but it does settle down. Treat her with caution though, she hasn't got your back. Enjoy your new home and may you always have the wind at your back.

SandyY2K · 27/02/2022 22:48

I suggest you pull back from the friendship, but without a big announcement. I would only put general stuff in the group chat and nothing about your house, you can tell the other friends privately.

She's most likely jealous.

TidyDancer · 27/02/2022 22:49

There could be a few reasons why she's reacted in a way you didn't expect. It won't necessarily be jealousy. As other posters have said, they way you came about the money could be an issue for her, it could also be that you've talked about the house more than you think you have and it's annoyed her. I had a friend who did this a couple of years ago, I had to stop replying to messages or giving one word answers to get it to stop. She might also have something else going on that you're not aware of.

mumda · 27/02/2022 22:50

Never tell people how much money you have. It breeds envy and envy turns to evil in people's bellies.

Yellowsubhubabubbub · 27/02/2022 22:52

I’ve had a very similar situation and a dear friend ,both of us trying to purchase a home.
Dear friend had a set back, but still more than happy for me to ask questions and they even send me homes i should look at
What a shame. Jealousy is ugly.

VladmirsPoutine · 27/02/2022 22:53

How much did you win? I don't wish to sound like a miser but always try to keep as much to yourself as possible. People who ostensibly should be happy for you can often turn out not to be. Honestly, even the only thing I would ever discuss about my relationship with anyone is if I were getting divorced and I would tell them AFTER it's done.

Original poster
namechange15294 · 27/02/2022 22:54

@PerseverancePays

Sometimes in group of friends, and families, there's an unspoken hierarchy and pecking order. If you've been scraping by it could be that she's looked down on you and enjoyed that she's doing better than you. Now you've upset the order by being able to buy a house. She's not happy about her new position below you, not only are you buying she's not even renting! You might find a few other ruffled feathers as you progress, but it does settle down. Treat her with caution though, she hasn't got your back. Enjoy your new home and may you always have the wind at your back.
Thank you so much. I'd be really hurt if this was the case, she was really kind and supportive when I was going through the shit really unwell with it all, and she encouraged me to pursue legal action. Now I won and can better mine and my child's life it's almost like she was secretly wishing I would have lost (in which case I would be out of pocket as had to pay legal costs). It's making me question whether her intentions were even good when she was pushing me to take things to court. Sad
OP posts:
Juniper68 · 27/02/2022 22:54

I hope your baby is ok now?

burnthur5t · 27/02/2022 22:55

I would just block her and remove her from your life

She is'nt a friend, she's a jealous freeloader

mjf981 · 27/02/2022 22:55

I suspect that she doesn't agree with how you got the money. Therefore she thinks you have 'cheated the system' while she is working to save for her deposit. She doesn't think this is fair.