Friend giving me cold shoulder for winning money and buying house

[namechange15294]

I won some money and finally my dream of buying a house is achievable. For context, it's not money won on a lottery, more like compensation I got for something I went through.

I announced the news to my closest friends. I wasn't bragging or rubbing it in their faces, but I thought they'd be happy for me. Out of these friends, I'm the one on a low income that's kind of been scraping by, the others are better off.

One friend in particular did not acknowledge it and changed the subject, I didn't know if it was intentional at the time. I know this friend has been saving up to buy a house for a while. However she lives with family not paying rent and bills and puts everything she can into savings. She has more than enough to put a deposit on the kind of house I'm looking to buy (literally a starter home), but she wants to put a large deposit down on a huge detached house with everything top of the range so it can be her forever home. She is willing to live with relatives and never pay rent until she can achieve this.

Anyway, I ended up asking her directly about some mortgage stuff before I see a broker as I know she's been researching this lots whereas it's all new to me. She just replied "idk" and then moved the conversation on. Since then she's been giving me the cold shoulder in the group chat.

I feel hurt because it feels like she's not happy for me at all. I went through hell and honestly I wish I never got the money if it meant I didn't go through what I did to be entitled to it. But the moment something good happens in my life she doesn't care. Yet recently I've been happy for her for getting a promotion and doing well in her career.

I feel like I can't even raise it with her because I will sound crazy asking why she's not happy for me!

Also, recently she was annoyed that she won't be entitled to council tax rebate... because she doesn't pay council tax. Nor does she pay energy bills that the rebate is meant to support anyway. But she said she still faces living costs increase because food is more expensive so it's not fair on her. There's been other instances like that recently and I'm starting to get the impression she begrudges any leg-up other people get that she doesn't, and probably feels the same way about me winning my claim.

AIBU?

Of course she's jealous. I've a similar case ongoing but I wouldn't even tell family never mind friends. You get so much attention when you're struggling but the minute things turn around for you nobody wants to know. Just see it as lesson learned.

No, believe me, people will try and claim for serving them burnt toast!
Thank you for that unbelievably insensitive response.

I don't think it is how you got the cash, just the fact you got it. It's disturbed the hierarchy in the friendship group - that she has created in her head.
I wouldn't bother asking her why she's giving you the cold shoulder either. Most likely she will make out you've imagined it.
Enjoy your house and leave her to it.
The poster who said once she buys a house she'll be all friendly again is probably right. The (only in her head) hierarchy will be restored.

@WetRainbowRoses

Did you sue the NHS? If you did, I’d find that pretty hard to swallow, I have to admit. Happily, you didn't lose your life. For every penny taken from the NHS, somebody else will be losing theirs

‘Somebody else will be losing their life’
Yeah, like my dad.
And others like him.
After the NHS failed to pick up on (obvious) signs of sepsis and let them go on to develop septic shock and die.
Some of their families sued and won.
And they deserve every fucking penny.

These people that lost their lives would most likely have been alive today had the NHS done their job properly.

My dad couldn’t stand when the ambulance told him he probably didn’t need to go to hospital.
He was left hallucinating in A+E, for hours.
By the time he made it to intensive care he was in multiple organ failure and brain damaged on life support.
He had no chance.
Well, he would have, if the NHS had done their job properly.
But they didn’t.
So now he’s dead.

How dare you think badly of anyone suing the NHS.
They don’t sue them for fun you know.
Pretty damn sure they’d rather have their dead relatives back than the money.

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. What a horrible way for him to go.

I could never judge anyone for suing the NHS unless it was clearly malicious. If someone wins a case then they deserve it. No amount of money makes up for the loss of a loved one, a lifelong illness, trauma, the impact on your family and relationships, the loss of a career, and so on. But it certainly helps you manage those things and get some or your life back.

Some people on here probably think I was rubbing my hands with glee in the courtroom. I looked as cold as ice and when I won, and all I could think was, thank god it's over. It took ages for it to actually set in. I still had panic attacks afterwards. I still feel broken from it all. The best thing I got from the case though was knowing I wasn't crazy and it wasn't all in my head, that actually I did have those awful things happen to me. I got justice. The money was just a bonus.

@WetRainbowRoses I’m so sorry your Dad passed away in those circumstances. So senseless xx

I'm sorry this had a lasting impact. I hope you can find ways to cope with PTSD.

@Katya213 you really thought that was the most appropriate response to that poster's comment????

OP I had a friend like this, Buying a house was her “thing” in the friend group because one of us was the first to get married , one of us was the first to have a child and she decided she’d be the first home owner , so when someone else bought first she wasn’t interested at all
Maybe she’s struggling with living at home, maybe the “forever home” she’s dreaming of is further away than she thought , it doesn’t matter - she’s shown you how she feels about you getting your home and you can either pull her up and ask her what her problem is or ignore her and not bother asking her for advice again.
sorry for what you went through

Some people are just like this.

Back when I finished year 12, our higher school certificate results came by mail. One friend got hers quite early, called very excited with her results to say how she did. I was thrilled for her. She told me to call later when I had mine.

I unexpectedly did even better than she did. She was weird on the phone and later that night when we met up she completely flipped out, I never got a word in. Passersby looked on in astonishment. We’ve never spoken since 😂

Basically she was thrilled when she was doing better than me but had no capacity to be happy for me. Sounds like your friend.

Carry on with your group of friends. Surely the others will notice her indifference and attitude and make their own assumptions.
Enjoy your home and ignore he ignorance.

I'd also considered that maybe she wasn't jealous/begrudging me being able to buy a house, but was upset as she felt she had a stake in some of my winnings, because she had been supportive and was one of several friends who told me to take it to court. I'm not giving any of my money though to cushion her healthy savings for a dream home while I can just about get a starter home. Although I think it's more likely she's just annoyed I got in first and sees me as less deserving than her.

As a healthcare worker, it is part of the job to encourage and advise patients on the process of making a complaint when things go wrong. It is important in the bigger process of learning and making positive changes so that these incidents don't happen again.
For example, a high number of patients dying from sepsis and septic shock was noted. Many incidences as PP describes and complaints set. The number has drastically lowered in recent years due to sepsis becoming a 'hot topic' - education, posters, diagnostic prompts on admissions, to name just a few implementations.

OP, well done on being brave enough to stand up and speak your truth. Let us hope no one else may have to go through similar. Do not let anyone make you feel guilty or as though you do not deserve compensation. If you have been 'awarded' this, it has not been decided lightly. Good luck for the future! Ps, your friend sounds jealous as hell, time to put her in the back seat before she drags you down

She sounds highly immature, to be honest. She’ll be living with relatives for the next 10 years if she doesn’t lower her estimations with how things are going. House prices are only going to increase more, and it sounds to me like she’s just incredibly bitter and jealous over it.

You’ve done nothing wrong (obviously!) so I’d probably just let her be bitter and alone, to be honest. A friend that can’t be happy for you, especially given how much you and your baby have been through, isn’t a friend.

Buy your home and enjoy it, and don’t give her a second thought. You deserve this.

The sad fact is that there are some people in this world who seem convinced that anything good that happens to someone else takes something good away from them. They actively resent someone else's good fortune (even at SUCH a cost!), as if they should have gotten that. I do not know what makes them that way, but I lived next door to such a woman. I could not tell her ONE BIT of good fortune I had, without her getting mad that it wasn't her.

Suing the NHS is always going to get people’s backs up.

Constantly describing it as “winnings” probably doesn’t help either. I can understand why you did it, I was tempted after very nearly dying as a result of being left entirely alone and I observed during labour. I took a different route which still held people responsible but I can see both points of view.

Some people aren't comfortable talking about having money. They're OK talking about saving or struggling but think it's rude and impolite to talk about wealth, especially when there's a big disparity. There is an unwritten rule that you don't boast about having money when others don't. I wouldn't fall out with a good friend over it.

@PossiblyDreaming

Suing the NHS is always going to get people’s backs up.

Well that is a) not true and b) not what the OP did, so what is your point? Or perhaps you posted on the wrong thread?

@PossiblyDreaming

Constantly describing it as “winnings” probably doesn’t help either. I can understand why you did it, I was tempted after very nearly dying as a result of being left entirely alone and I observed during labour. I took a different route which still held people responsible but I can see both points of view.

I agree with describing it as winnings.

Technically it is true in that you won your case and got the money as a result of that win, but I wouldnt refer to it like that personally. I would call it "my compensation" to drive home the point that it was awarded as a result of you and your child going through a life threatening experience.

"Winnings" does rather imply a lucky break, which clearly this wasnt.

There are different levels of friendships. You have ride or die friends...work friends, fun friends to go out, etc.
She's obviously is NOT going to be THAT friend who would be your RIDE OR DIE.
I value my friends. And we can put a value on our friendships. I've had a friend since birth. Her mom and my mom were BFF. I am 74. I would bury a body for her.
I have had flaky friends, jealous friends...back stabbers and liars. I eventually find out their true character and the friendship stopped.
So you have to decide if she is worth having her for a friend or not. I personally believe communication is the key here.
"Taylor you hurt my feelings. You have changed toward me since I recieved the money and am buying the house." She will deny it, but at least she will know how she has made you feel.
Congrats on HOUSE!

Your friend sounds weird, who wouldn't be pleased to hear of their friend's good fortune, in your case richly deserved because you went through something bad. I'm always delighted to hear such good news even about people I don't know!

Just ignore her, you don't need friends like that.

Congratulations and enjoy your money. I hope you find a really nice house.

Apologies I missed the post from OP stating it was a private company and just saw the life in danger and multiple subsequent posts about suing the NHS by other posters. No need to be so passive aggressive about it @PyongyangKipperbang. The whole “did you accidentally post on the wrong thread” is as cringingly MN as “did you mean to be so rude”

@PossiblyDreaming

Suing the NHS is always going to get people’s backs up.

And? That's irrelevant as I never sued the NHS. Also I don't constantly refer to it as "winnings". I used the term "winnings" once on this thread, I just checked. Glad that the different route worked out for you, but yet again you've made another assumption about me, I exhausted every other avenue already! If I didn't take legal action, no-one would have been held responsible.

@mumda

Never tell people how much money you have. It breeds envy and envy turns to evil in people's bellies.

I second this. IRL, it's best to keep the financial side of your life to yourself, OP. A bit of good fortune on your part can bring out the worst in people. Please do come here for collective wisdom and to experts for expertise, but to your friends be vague.

Good luck with your house hunt. I hope you and DC find something just right.