Friend giving me cold shoulder for winning money and buying house

[namechange15294]

I won some money and finally my dream of buying a house is achievable. For context, it's not money won on a lottery, more like compensation I got for something I went through.

I announced the news to my closest friends. I wasn't bragging or rubbing it in their faces, but I thought they'd be happy for me. Out of these friends, I'm the one on a low income that's kind of been scraping by, the others are better off.

One friend in particular did not acknowledge it and changed the subject, I didn't know if it was intentional at the time. I know this friend has been saving up to buy a house for a while. However she lives with family not paying rent and bills and puts everything she can into savings. She has more than enough to put a deposit on the kind of house I'm looking to buy (literally a starter home), but she wants to put a large deposit down on a huge detached house with everything top of the range so it can be her forever home. She is willing to live with relatives and never pay rent until she can achieve this.

Anyway, I ended up asking her directly about some mortgage stuff before I see a broker as I know she's been researching this lots whereas it's all new to me. She just replied "idk" and then moved the conversation on. Since then she's been giving me the cold shoulder in the group chat.

I feel hurt because it feels like she's not happy for me at all. I went through hell and honestly I wish I never got the money if it meant I didn't go through what I did to be entitled to it. But the moment something good happens in my life she doesn't care. Yet recently I've been happy for her for getting a promotion and doing well in her career.

I feel like I can't even raise it with her because I will sound crazy asking why she's not happy for me!

Also, recently she was annoyed that she won't be entitled to council tax rebate... because she doesn't pay council tax. Nor does she pay energy bills that the rebate is meant to support anyway. But she said she still faces living costs increase because food is more expensive so it's not fair on her. There's been other instances like that recently and I'm starting to get the impression she begrudges any leg-up other people get that she doesn't, and probably feels the same way about me winning my claim.

AIBU?

@OMG12
It's really miserable how many people share this experience of the NHS, on this thread alone even. I'm sorry you had to be a victim of that. I hate the sentiment that if you lived to tell the tale then just get on with things. Yes many people walk away with their lives but not their livelihoods.

[quote namechange15294]@Thatsplentyjack

That is really shocking to hear. I hope she has had enough confidence to do something about it, make a claim etc. I know it's public money but NHS trusts still need to be held accountable for ruining people's lives. If we don't address these issues (which includes making claims for compensation), then it carries on and costs NHS more in the long run.[/quote]
It was actually NHS staff who told her to claim. If they had read her notes and actually listened to what she was telling them, none on what happened to her would have happened.

I hope you and your little one have recovered now. Not just physically but mentally. Also hope you still have a decent quality of life OP.

Had a vaguely similarish thein a few years back - friend in a car accident, hounded by ambulance chasers, did go down the no win/no fee slightly dubious "whiplash" claim route.
We're still friends, but I didn't engage on any of the claim/court stuff because I disagreed with the ethics of it.

Just be thankful that she's distancing herself - not being super friendly and trying to spend you money with you in a CF kind of way.

Good luck with the house

Just coming on to say sorry that you went through whatever it was you did. Only you truly know how this affected you and I am glad you were able to put an end to the ordeal and come out with something positive.

Also another vote for L&C have used them for at least 15 years. Brilliant mortgage broker.

She's hugely ungracious and not much of a friend.
I've had two friends in the past have parties to celebrate paying off their mortgages. DP and I are definitely not in that position and will likely never be. Some of our mutual friends are, in our 40s and 50s, renting/lodging and in insecure jobs not earning much.
But these are our friends, and so we were pleased for them and went to their parties and felt happy for them. Obviously. Who the hell would I be to judge or begrudge them?

People on here passing judgement along the lines of 'it depends who you sued' are being tits too. However wonderful healthcare providers are, they are not infallible and not above reproach.

Mention having a housewarming to celebrate your new home, thanking friends for their support during your tough times and how much it means to you to have such great friends.

OR

Just don't invite her to your housewarming party she,'ll get the message!

I’m so sorry that you had an appalling time. Please ignore those making judgment on the source of your funds.

Did you sue the NHS. If you did, I’d find that pretty hard to swallow, I have to admit. Happily, you didn't lose your life. For every penny taken from the NHS, somebody else will be losing theirs

A dear friend of mine was horrifically affected by poor NHS treatment. It’s prohibited her from living a “normal” life; caused her ongoing pain; limited time she spent with her DC in their early years and has affected her ability to work, travel ultimately leading to her divorce.

She is suing the NHS and will win. She is owed every single penny she will get.

@ThinWomansBrain

Had a vaguely similarish thein a few years back - friend in a car accident, hounded by ambulance chasers, did go down the no win/no fee slightly dubious "whiplash" claim route. We're still friends, but I didn't engage on any of the claim/court stuff because I disagreed with the ethics of it.

Just be thankful that she's distancing herself - not being super friendly and trying to spend you money with you in a CF kind of way.

Good luck with the house

How is that even vaguely similar at all to my situation? There is nothing ethically dubious about my claim. What compelled you to share this irrelevant piece of information?

To put things into perspective how monumentally rude it is of you and another PP to make this suggestion, let me put another scenario forward to you. A woman was a rape victim and was supported by friends after the ordeal, she reported to police, went through investigation, finally it makes it to court after 2 years. Her best mates are rooting for her. She wins the case, rapist gets locked up, and she also gets a compensation payout for being a victim of crime. One of these best friends doesn't even acknowledge she won the case and keeps giving her the cold shoulder over it. She posts on AIBU to check she's not being crazy. Then some idiot on AIBU tells her that they know a woman who made up a rape allegation once and got some man locked up and fraudulently claimed comp for it and that they disagree with the ethics of it, advising her to be thankful.

I was a victim of something horrendous which turned my life upside down, yet you and another PP think it's appropriate to talk about some random other woman who manipulated the system and committed fraud and you remark on the similarities (clearly suggesting I'm also a fraud). It wasn't the point of my post, was it?

Why are you paying your solicitors fees? Don't they pay as you won?

I would look into that. And I'd ditch the frenemy too

It sounds like she's being nice when things are hard for you and you're down. (Maybe she feels better about herself and more powerful).
Yet can't celebrate with you or be happy for you when things are going well.

Can you speak to her about it and ask her what's going on?

I'm older than you, OP, and if there's one thing I regret about my younger years, it's that I put up with shit friends. You have little choice about family, but friends should be people who love and support you. If not, they don't deserve to go by that name.

Just leave her be and enjoy your new home. She's a negative fun-sucker and you're better with those friends who actually wish you well.

Good for you, op. Some of these posts seem malicious. Anyway, I'm very glad that you have your money for your starter home and the truth about your foul weather friend xxx

I'm sorry that you are in this situation and agree that this isn't a friend.
However I have to comment on those making judgements on those who sue the NHS. Please remember that because of negligence which has been proven in court to exist (and it's not easy to prove (1) medical negligence and (2) that the direct cause of injury was that negligence) there are people living with devastating injuries that will require support for life. Without the legal claim and court awarded compensation, how do you propose that they pay for that? Second, publicised expensive legal claims are sometimes the only way to change negligent, illegal or sub-par practices and protocols. One case in recent years has changed the policy and practice of obstetricians for example in relation to informed consent, acting as a salutary reminder that the patient should be told the pros and cons of a proposal and that the consultant should look at the patient as an individual, rather than being swayed by targets/ generalities.

@Orangade

Sorry to hear your life and your baby’s life were at risk.

Did you sue the NHS?

If you did, I’d find that pretty hard to swallow, I have to admit. Happily, you didn't lose your life. For every penny taken from the NHS, somebody else will be losing theirs.

Please stop pedalling this ridiculous nonsense.

NHS has insurance and insurance pays out when errors are made and things go wrong. Insurance premiums are based on how a trust operates when they come to inspect - do they have protocols in place? Do they follow the protocols that are set? If not, why not? What are the barriers? Do they report errors when they occur?

Suing because you have suffered life changing injuries at the hands of someone who either willingly chose not to follow protocol without good reason or did not adequately staff is an acceptable reason. It is not taking away from others who use the service.

FWIW I am an NHS employee and have worked in a range of trusts, some absolutely outstanding (therefore excellent policies procedures and low insurance costs) and some terrible (total opposite).

Agree 100% @LolaButt.

She's not your friend and seems like a pretty vile person in general OP - distance yourself.

A true friend would be pleased for you, she's not a true friend.

I’m old enough to have had lots of friends over the years and have realised that no one is perfect, neither am I.
You say this friend supported you through the bad times (when you actually need the support). Now things are good she isn’t actually being horrible to you just not being happy for you.
However does that really matter? You have come through an awful time and things are looking up for you which can only be good.
Accept that she did support you when you needed her and just don’t mention the house to her again. It seems you have other friends to talk house things with, were they helpful and supportive during your ordeal?

@mumda

Never tell people how much money you have. It breeds envy and envy turns to evil in people's bellies.

Only if the person is a twat in the first place!!

You state that it's compensation - is it possible that she's annoyed with how you got the money?
I know someone who fell out with someone for a claim against the NHS, when she really did exaggerate her symptoms.
Tbh it doesn't sound like she's your friend

Sorry, just read your updates. She's no friend of yours so I would just leave it at that

I can see why it's difficult for her in some ways. She is saving and so focused on getting a house and then you ask her for advice about mortgages. It must be quite hard for her.

Such a betrayal of trust leaves a lasting impact.
Don't underestimate the trauma you are still experiencing. And your 'friend's' behaviour adds another layer to the trauma you have already been going through. It is soul-destroying and I am just so very sorry that you've had to learn, in the shittiest way possible, who your friends are and aren't.
You will heal wholly and completely and this so-called friend, years down the road, will be less than a blip on your timeline.
Best of luck to you and your baby. Enjoy the reward you so completely deserve and live your best life, OP.

@Eucalyptusbee

Maybe its not jealousy and they just don't approve of how you got the money eg did you sue someone / healthcare claims etc?

This is what I was wondering, too. I could well imagine that someone who's worked and saved hard might be very pissed off if they thought (rightly or wrongly) that someone had gone down the 'just sue someone' route...