Friend giving me cold shoulder for winning money and buying house

[namechange15294]

I won some money and finally my dream of buying a house is achievable. For context, it's not money won on a lottery, more like compensation I got for something I went through.

I announced the news to my closest friends. I wasn't bragging or rubbing it in their faces, but I thought they'd be happy for me. Out of these friends, I'm the one on a low income that's kind of been scraping by, the others are better off.

One friend in particular did not acknowledge it and changed the subject, I didn't know if it was intentional at the time. I know this friend has been saving up to buy a house for a while. However she lives with family not paying rent and bills and puts everything she can into savings. She has more than enough to put a deposit on the kind of house I'm looking to buy (literally a starter home), but she wants to put a large deposit down on a huge detached house with everything top of the range so it can be her forever home. She is willing to live with relatives and never pay rent until she can achieve this.

Anyway, I ended up asking her directly about some mortgage stuff before I see a broker as I know she's been researching this lots whereas it's all new to me. She just replied "idk" and then moved the conversation on. Since then she's been giving me the cold shoulder in the group chat.

I feel hurt because it feels like she's not happy for me at all. I went through hell and honestly I wish I never got the money if it meant I didn't go through what I did to be entitled to it. But the moment something good happens in my life she doesn't care. Yet recently I've been happy for her for getting a promotion and doing well in her career.

I feel like I can't even raise it with her because I will sound crazy asking why she's not happy for me!

Also, recently she was annoyed that she won't be entitled to council tax rebate... because she doesn't pay council tax. Nor does she pay energy bills that the rebate is meant to support anyway. But she said she still faces living costs increase because food is more expensive so it's not fair on her. There's been other instances like that recently and I'm starting to get the impression she begrudges any leg-up other people get that she doesn't, and probably feels the same way about me winning my claim.

AIBU?

I think its a bit like when your friend gets pregnant and you don't- even though she might have struggled to get pregnant and you may have supported her through ivf etc- you can still feel a bit jealous/envious that she got pregnant - if you see what i mean -she might know she's being unreasonable and know that you went through a lot but her emotional reaction is just to wish she had the cash you had- and its easier fro her to deal with not having her own house if no-one else does too- she's probably questioning her own decision to save up fro a forever house

If she was good to you when you needed it I wouldn't cut her off now- just give her time

@LolaButt

I’ve experienced similar. You have to ask yourself, why would anyone be jealous when the money comes off the back of something negative which has harmed you?

That’s a shitty person who likely does not deserve your friendship.

This. Im happy for you that you cN buy a house nos. Xx

Im a single parent who bought a small house and not many people buy, sell one xomes to mind... she wanted me to retain my place beneath her...

My old next door neighbour (we lived in identical 2 bed homes) got extremely funny when we announced we were putting our house on the market. Because we were friends, I had told her we’d seen a house and were selling ours.
We sold ours within 4 days and bought the other. I found out from the people we bought our new house from, that my neighbour had booked herself a viewing with the estate agent and had had a really good nosey around our new home! (Obv before Covid times).
She then became really bitter about it and put her house on the market, became frustrated when it didn’t sell as quickly and I had to distance myself from her as she wouldn’t even speak to me by the time we moved! (She had actually won some money from her employers after an accident at work - she changed cars continually - but I was only ever pleased for her, because I saw the damage the accident did to her).
Never heard from her again - so sad. Money, houses, can bring out the dark side of people.
It’s your friends loss, as sad as that is.
I hope you enjoy finding your new home, and if you already have - enjoy it!

NHS ruined my life with a missed diagnosis by an arrogant gp.
I lost my career and have lived with severe pain for 30 years. They lost my gp records, so no solicitor would touch a case. I am has severe physical restrictions and use an adapted car and large scooter.
But presume it would have been immoral to sue?
Close family work for NHS so I know how hard majority work and care. But as long as we treat it as a sacred cow and a religion it will never improve.

@Mothership4two

Has this just happened a couple of times OP? Is she definitely ignoring you? Has it gone on for a length of time? Has she got something else going on in her life atm? Saying this in case you have got the wrong end of the stick...

If this isn't the case, she's not a friend

Well I popped a message on the group chat that I won the case. And then one of my friends started pinging our other friends and was so happy for me. And I was being asked all these questions. Then 'the friend' walked into the conversation and changed the subject onto something else entirely randomly... I don't even remember what it was, it was something really trivial. I found it odd at the time but I was still in a state of shock and a bit all over the place.

She's had a promotion at work, doing well, gaining some professional qualifications, she's been going on about how she is going to get another pay rise this year. I'd say she is the most active in the group chat and we get every detail on her life (or so it seems), but we have all been so happy for her, myself included of course. And I regularly ask her things.

In the group friends would bring up the case, have I heard anything else about it etc, and instantly 'the friend' would go quiet.

The only time I got acknowledgement from her was when things started to spiral when I had to take it back to court and hadn't been paid, took on debt and so on. There were concerns about the company's finances and I didn't know if I was even going to see a penny of the settlement. And she was all like, oh my god I'm so sorry it sounds so difficult for you and slagging off the company.

Then that whole situation got resolved and she didn't want to know. And that's when there were more questions from the others about what I was going to do... and I'd already been mulling it over and said I am planning on buying a little house of my own. Again she goes quiet and doesn't acknowledge it and suddenly asks someone how things are with work.

I'd been doing some more serious research so I asked her about mortgages as she has always talked about buying a house quite often she seems to be quite in the know, and she literally only responded with "idk". And that's when it all started to fall into place for me and I thought it's too much to be coincidental. I'm worried asking my other friends about it though in case it looks like I'm going behind her back.

@Katya213

People like to keep you in the gutter, they cannot stand it when you rise up. They always want to keep you down and always remind you that you must stay in the gutter.

This!! ^^

Some people are exactly like this 😞 it's sad

She is an entitled brat. She may well struggle when the reality of bills for the house that she buys hit as she doesn't seem to understand the real cost of things.

@Mumsgirls

NHS ruined my life with a missed diagnosis by an arrogant gp. I lost my career and have lived with severe pain for 30 years. They lost my gp records, so no solicitor would touch a case. I am has severe physical restrictions and use an adapted car and large scooter. But presume it would have been immoral to sue? Close family work for NHS so I know how hard majority work and care. But as long as we treat it as a sacred cow and a religion it will never improve.

I am so sorry to hear about your situation. It's absolutely criminal what has happened to you, and how convenient for them they lost the paperwork! I do hope that one day that you'll be able to get the justice you deserve.

Good luck to you OP, I’m sorry you went through a rubbish time to get there but you deserve to be happy

Some people like to befriend people doing worse than them, because it makes them feel better about themselves. Now this money is going to change your status and push you forward to being a home owner. Good for you, don't even give her a second glance.

Sorry OP, but I am not going to read any more posts after your OP, as there is no need. Please just drop her as a "friend", because she clearly isn't one. Try not to feel regret for this so called friendship, but enjoy your new home. I am so sorry that you had to go through something horrible to get this money. 💐

@ElIie

As someone else said, it might be the way you obtained the money that is bothering her?

I know someone who sued a public body and received a lot of money. The amount they received was way over the top for the reason they sued imo. I felt it was incredibly unethical and did make me think rather poorly of them tbh.

Unless they were fraudulent, then the body that awarded that amount felt they were worthy of it

@Orangade

Sorry to hear your life and your baby’s life were at risk.

Did you sue the NHS?

If you did, I’d find that pretty hard to swallow, I have to admit. Happily, you didn't lose your life. For every penny taken from the NHS, somebody else will be losing theirs.

My mil lost 3 limbs due to NHS negligence. Should she just suck it up and get over it?

Your ‘friend’ is a freeloader living with family and not paying rent etc.

Your ‘friend’ sounds jealous of you and your change in financial circumstances.

I wouldn’t ask your ‘friend’ for any more advice and I hope you will be happy in your new home.

I would find a new friend.

OP, to me it reads that you fully deserve this compensation and I'm glad it was resolved for you. Are you talking about putting a deposit down or buying the house outright/almost outright? Ignore the friend, don't worry about the rest of your group. They won't be blind to her behaviour.

@Thatsplentyjack

That is really shocking to hear. I hope she has had enough confidence to do something about it, make a claim etc. I know it's public money but NHS trusts still need to be held accountable for ruining people's lives. If we don't address these issues (which includes making claims for compensation), then it carries on and costs NHS more in the long run.

@MiniCooperLover

OP, to me it reads that you fully deserve this compensation and I'm glad it was resolved for you. Are you talking about putting a deposit down or buying the house outright/almost outright? Ignore the friend, don't worry about the rest of your group. They won't be blind to her behaviour.

Thank you! Maybe others in the group can see it but none of us want to bring it up because it is very awkward. I don't have near enough to buy anything outright, but I'll be able to put a deposit down which is enough for me!

You've mentioned a couple of times that you're not sure if you should bring this up with your other friends in the group. I would advise do not do this. It serves no positive purpose and could cause you more problems. It is what it is, and it's pretty obvious that this friend is envious and in her eyes the group pecking order has been disrupted. There's really no point in stirring this up with the wider group.

I agree. Say nothing to the others. She'll twist that as you bitching about her. So take a step back from them, no announcements. If you're in the group chat, just post ha ha and cat memes and rugby talk 🙈

Enjoy your new home. Take this as a lesson to not talk about finances with anyone !

@Orangade

Sorry to hear your life and your baby’s life were at risk.

Did you sue the NHS?

If you did, I’d find that pretty hard to swallow, I have to admit. Happily, you didn't lose your life. For every penny taken from the NHS, somebody else will be losing theirs.

Well in this case she didn’t sue the NHS but it wouldn’t matter if she did. If the NHS don’t want to be sued they should stop ducking up peoples lives with their incompetence, negligence and lack of care. Doctors should stop considering themselves God. They should stop ignoring patients.

This worship of an infallible NHS needs to stop then we might actually be able to sort out the cluster fuck it is.

The NHS has wrecked my life and countless others - if people can get something to help with their lives Good luck to them.

Congratulations OP on your house. I know it wont compensate for what you have been through but hopefully you can enjoy it.

Ditch your friend she gets off on feeling supior, as PP have said you’ve upset the pecking order of everyone oohing and aarrhhhing over her perfect home whilst the rest of you live in rental accommodation wishing you were her. You’re her supporting cast.

@PliqueAjour @Lurking9to5
Yes I so agree! These are my exact fears. It's just not worth it at all.

Superior don’t know what that was

@SomePosters

I hold the nhs sacred but some legal cases against them are completely legitimate.

It doesn’t directly come from the patient care pot it is paid by insurance if they are found to be at fault

Agree

I speak as someone who worked in a part of the nhs dealing with compensation and let's just say most were justified

Well in this case she didn’t sue the NHS but it wouldn’t matter if she did. If the NHS don’t want to be sued they should stop ducking up peoples lives with their incompetence, negligence and lack of care. Doctors should stop considering themselves God. They should stop ignoring patients

Yes - and sort out their whistle-blowing procedures so that if there is a failure, it is sorted out.

you’ve upset the pecking order of everyone oohing and aarrhhhing over her perfect home whilst the rest of you live in rental accommodation wishing you were her. You’re her supporting cast

I agree with this.