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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend giving me cold shoulder for winning money and buying house

222 replies

namechange15294 · 27/02/2022 22:10

I won some money and finally my dream of buying a house is achievable. For context, it's not money won on a lottery, more like compensation I got for something I went through.

I announced the news to my closest friends. I wasn't bragging or rubbing it in their faces, but I thought they'd be happy for me. Out of these friends, I'm the one on a low income that's kind of been scraping by, the others are better off.

One friend in particular did not acknowledge it and changed the subject, I didn't know if it was intentional at the time. I know this friend has been saving up to buy a house for a while. However she lives with family not paying rent and bills and puts everything she can into savings. She has more than enough to put a deposit on the kind of house I'm looking to buy (literally a starter home), but she wants to put a large deposit down on a huge detached house with everything top of the range so it can be her forever home. She is willing to live with relatives and never pay rent until she can achieve this.

Anyway, I ended up asking her directly about some mortgage stuff before I see a broker as I know she's been researching this lots whereas it's all new to me. She just replied "idk" and then moved the conversation on. Since then she's been giving me the cold shoulder in the group chat.

I feel hurt because it feels like she's not happy for me at all. I went through hell and honestly I wish I never got the money if it meant I didn't go through what I did to be entitled to it. But the moment something good happens in my life she doesn't care. Yet recently I've been happy for her for getting a promotion and doing well in her career.

I feel like I can't even raise it with her because I will sound crazy asking why she's not happy for me!

Also, recently she was annoyed that she won't be entitled to council tax rebate... because she doesn't pay council tax. Nor does she pay energy bills that the rebate is meant to support anyway. But she said she still faces living costs increase because food is more expensive so it's not fair on her. There's been other instances like that recently and I'm starting to get the impression she begrudges any leg-up other people get that she doesn't, and probably feels the same way about me winning my claim.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
namechange15294 · 28/02/2022 16:27

@ElevenSmiles

Why don't you read your post at 3.22pm...are you confused.
The one who is confused here is you. Again, I did not claim to be in your head. But where else did your false statements come from if not your own head? Bizarre.
OP posts:
DameHelena · 28/02/2022 16:30

@ElevenSmiles

You've posted on AIBU we aren't all nodding sheep.....Strange your other good friends have said nothing.
Why? To me that means they ARE good friends, and this one woman unfortunately isn't.
ElevenSmiles · 28/02/2022 16:35

Chill OP you're making a fool of yourself...ppl can read ya know.

DameHelena · 28/02/2022 16:42

@ElevenSmiles

Chill OP you're making a fool of yourself...ppl can read ya know.
No she isn't.
ElevenSmiles · 28/02/2022 16:45

Dame...BAAAAAAAAAA

malificent7 · 28/02/2022 16:46

Well this says a lot about human nature.
Imo people resent those riding above the station that they pigeon holed them into. People are also very competitive about money/ houses, even so called "friends.:

DameHelena · 28/02/2022 16:51

@ElevenSmiles

Dame...BAAAAAAAAAA
... 'Kay.
Original poster
namechange15294 · 28/02/2022 16:52

I'm embarrassed for you @ElevenSmiles.

OP posts:
ElevenSmiles · 28/02/2022 16:55

Anyone read 3.22pm I'd be embarrassed....

Kumbaya12 · 28/02/2022 17:07

OP I’m proud of your post at 15:22 today, the amount of !mbitter, angry people on MN keeps increasing.
Don’t take their shit

Luredbyapomegranate · 28/02/2022 17:21

She sounds like a dick - you are well rid. Mute her on social etc.

As a general rule, don’t discuss money with other people, they don’t need to know your business and people are weird about it.

doingitforyorkshire · 28/02/2022 17:21

You are not actually being unreasonable at all, however, people can really go weird when it comes to money and it can be those who you'd least expect to get weird about it. I haven't been in your exact position but have been in one where people started behaving really weird about me becoming a business owner/boss and the company turning a profit/being successful etc. Their behaviour and views on certain things became very 'odd' and sometimes questionable when they brought certain topics up in conversation.
Not sure what really to suggest but try not to take too much notice her reaction probably has more to do with how she is feeling about her life and not about you personally.

planetme · 28/02/2022 17:41

@malificent7

Yanbu.....friends get weird about houses. When i got my first house ( paid for by inheritence) , 2 friends were very quick to point out a minor defect. Bizarre and rude.
Similar happened to me when I upsized a few years ago from a tiny ex council to a much larger 3 storey, 3 bathroom new(ish) build

The first time they came to see me after I'd bought it, One commented about it "only" having 3 bedrooms.

The other one didn't like the "angle of the drain cover" on the drive way.
I shit you not

People are weird I dunno why people can't just be happy for their friends

Original poster
namechange15294 · 28/02/2022 17:44

The other one didn't like the "angle of the drain cover" on the drive way.

That's actually batshit! Shock

OP posts:
planetme · 28/02/2022 17:50

@namechange15294

The other one didn't like the "angle of the drain cover" on the drive way.

That's actually batshit! Shock

Tbh I took it as a compliment as if that was the only thing about the whole house she could pick on then it says a lot about how nice the rest of my house is 😆

I'm not friends with her anymore as she became increasingly bitchy after my house move.
I realised she didn't like it when I had "bettered" myself as it became clear as I got more successful at work etc that she used to prefer it when I was skint and struggling, which I was when we met

LadyFlumpalot · 28/02/2022 18:25

I lost my mum, all four grandparents and an aunt in the same year. I'm an only child so all the inheritance fell down the tree to me. I bought a house and a nice car, cleared some debts and put the rest away for a rainy day,

Friends that I would have expected to be there for me started making comments about how nice it must be to be rich. They never once asked how I was - if they had I'd have told them that I would give it all back in a second for one more hug with my mum. I would have told them if it wasn't for my own kids I was ready to drive into a tree.

Friends I hadn't spoken to in years came and sat with me in the early hours, made me tea and held me.

Money brings out the worst in people. It really does.

malificent7 · 28/02/2022 18:28

With friends like these who needs enemies? Tbh i do wonder what the point of friendship is sometimes when so many want to run their friends down.

DameHelena · 01/03/2022 09:02

@LadyFlumpalot

I lost my mum, all four grandparents and an aunt in the same year. I'm an only child so all the inheritance fell down the tree to me. I bought a house and a nice car, cleared some debts and put the rest away for a rainy day,

Friends that I would have expected to be there for me started making comments about how nice it must be to be rich. They never once asked how I was - if they had I'd have told them that I would give it all back in a second for one more hug with my mum. I would have told them if it wasn't for my own kids I was ready to drive into a tree.

Friends I hadn't spoken to in years came and sat with me in the early hours, made me tea and held me.

Money brings out the worst in people. It really does.

I'm so sorry for you, what a terrible year. Thanks I guess if there's a silver lining it's that you really did find out who your friends were.
Darbs76 · 01/03/2022 09:16

This is not a friend.

shssandhr · 01/03/2022 11:25

I lost my mum, all four grandparents and an aunt in the same year. I'm an only child so all the inheritance fell down the tree to me. I bought a house and a nice car, cleared some debts and put the rest away for a rainy day
Friends that I would have expected to be there for me started making comments about how nice it must be to be rich. They never once asked how I was - if they had I'd have told them that I would give it all back in a second for one more hug with my mum. I would have told them if it wasn't for my own kids I was ready to drive into a tree

Yeah, sorry that you had the same as me.
When I inherited from my Mam I bought a musical instrument - quite an expensive one, but one that was going to really help me make progress. Unbelievable how many people were so nasty about it when I got it.
Fucking hell..... I'd rather have my Mam than that instrument but as I lost her I wanted to put the money towards something useful and now whenever I have it in the hand (every day), I think of it as her last gift to me.
People can just be truly horrible.

Mariel21588 · 22/03/2022 15:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 22/03/2022 18:00

The good thing is that you now know to be wary of this friend before you get any further involved.

Its a good idea to quietly take a giant step back. The cold shouldering after previously getting involved to a great extent reminds me of folk who dearly love the next instalment of a drama and also feel a bit smug that they are not going through similar misfortune. Does she come across as someone who enjoys a bit of a gossip in the group? Its hard to be friends with ultra competitive people who have to "win" all the time, there ought to be give and take.

I understand why you answered people's questions about how much (very rude of them to ask ) because it was publicly searchable, but in future as other pps have said its best not to discuss finances with friends in detail. Although its difficult when people ask you direct personal questions, especially in a chat group, but you don't have to answer questions like that. You'll often find its the people who want all the details who often don't share their own and are asking for comparison's sake.
Mortgage advice is best coming from advisors since friends opinions might not be accurate anyway.
It's clearly been an ordeal for you. Going through a legal battle like that is not an easy thing to do, especially as it involved your child. Sometimes it can be a strange feeling when a "fight" is over, even if it's been the resolution you wanted.

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