Picnic-Gate

[ImStayingInside]

🙃 Planned a day out tomorrow for me, DH, DD1 11 & DD2 8 weeks. Just a trip to a nice park with a small picnic lunch.
My brother (25) asked if him and his new girlfriend could visit to see DD2, because we already had plans I asked them to join us on our day out. They said yes.
I text my brother this morning to say because the weather looks dry the plans were still on and we had ordered some snacks in our click and collect shop for a picnic and that him and his girlfriend could either bring a picnic as well, get a meal deal from the supermarket on the way or buy hot food from the park, but I wasn’t sure what was available because his girlfriend is quite fussy.
He text me back hours later asking could they not just have some of our picnic as he would feel stupid bringing their own food if we were eating a picnic.
We had already collected our shop by then, only scotch eggs, pork pies and other snacky bits, so not exactly a very luxurious picnic, but only enough for myself, DH & DD1.

My mum has since called to tell me I am mean for not providing their lunch as I invited them.
She said that she would never invite anyone out if she planned on taking a picnic without including them. I just didn’t even think, I assumed they’d be ok just bringing their own food. I mentioned that his gf is quite fussy so I don’t think she would eat what we like and my mum said we could have just made something else for her to eat.

AIBU?

YABU - you invited them so should have bought enough food to include them in the picnic - even if it meant changing what we were having to accommodate his girlfriend.

YANBU - they are 25 and old enough to provide their own lunch on a day out and mum should stay out of it.

I think as you invited them along you should have provided enough for everyone. If they had visited you at home would you have told them to pick up a Costa and a muffin on the way or offered them a drink and a biscuit/piece of cake at your house?

Hmm. I think I would have got enough for everyone but I also wouldn't be that bothered if I were your brother and had to bring my own. Feels like something that isn't really worth getting upset about on either side 🤷‍♀️

I voted YABU as I think you invited them out when you were having a picnic so I personally would have brought more of what we already had planned in order that they could share.

However I would not have gone out of my way to accommodate a fussy eating adult when the park had other options available as if needed they could buy something there.

So it's a bit of YABU and YANBU. I would have brought more but not catered to a fuss pot!

Would it really have been that big a deal to include enough for them? You invited them.

If the GF is picky that's her problem.

@dancingthroughthedark when they come to our house we usually change our meal plan to make sure it’s something she likes to eat. I thought I was making it easier for all of us to just sort ourselves out 🙈

I have offered to go and pick some more food up this evening if so all is not lost, but I just assumed they would rather pick their own.

You’re fine OP, I’d have just brought for my family. When we do this we always ‘sort ourselves’ due to my DN’s being fussy buggers. Ultimately we end up sharing bits and pieces anyway.

Where do you live in the UK that a picnic is on tomorrow?

@TheHoptimist picnic might be being generous 😂 it will just be some snacks on a bench in the park.

Whenever we go for a picnic everyone brings a selection of things to share. I’ve never been to a “hosted” picnic where someone caters for everyone else. So I think yanbu

You don't turn up to a picnic you've been invited to with nothing. That's just manners.

Annoying of them, but just get some extra picnic stuff that you like and that you can store/freeze at home afterwards lif they don't eat it. Rolls, cheese slices, cocktail sausages and a multipack of crisps should do it!

It's not a big deal, is it? Just buy a few more scotch eggs on the way to the park.

Why did he run to your mum to tell her? I can't believe she'd phone to tell you off either.

It's not a big deal, is it? Just buy a few more scotch eggs on the way to the park.

Nothing stopping OP's brother & his girlfriend doing that themselves is there?

@Justkeeppedaling I’ve offered to this evening if they want us to, but have a feeling they may be wasted if I get things they/she don’t like.

@TheOccupier this might be a better shout, as I don’t want to buy things that will go to waste.

I just know if my friends asked me if I wanted to come with them I wouldn’t assume they were providing my lunch.

I am really glad they are joining us, but were only invited along cos it’s the only day my brother is available to visit DD2 as he hasn’t seen her in a few weeks. It would have been easier for them to just visit us at home. I think next time I’ll just say we’re busy if we are going out somewhere and arrange for a day when we have no plans 🙃

@iklboo he lives at home, so will have mentioned that he has to go out and buy food for tomorrow. She likes nothing more than a guilt trip!

Why did he moan about it to your mum and get her to ring you to make you bring him some food. I thought you said he was 25, not 5? Does he need extra pocket money to buy his sandwiches?

Why on earth would your brother feel stupid to bring food to a picnic?! I'd feel stupid (and rude) to show up empty handed unless I'd been explicitly told not to bring anything!

The picnic is clearly debatable. Probably depending on what you said when you invited him...

Your mother getting involved however is pathetic - both on her part and that of your brother ringing her tonsort his battles for him at 25yrs old....

YANBU.

It's totally normal when having a picnic for people to bring their own food and then share if they want to. I love picnics and have never known anyone not to bring food and drink. It's meant to be relaxed and informal not a catered.

I'm also baffled why you brother or his girlfriend are incapable of going to the shop, are they 12?

Who feels stupid bringing food to eat with their own sister? That's really strange.

It's hardly a picnic at the regatta- I'd grab a meal deal and think nothing of it if you'd asked me along.

@LittleOwl153 this is the message I sent;

Weather is meant to be dry tomorrow so we’re thinking X park, going to aim to leave here between 9 and 9:30. We’re taking a picnic lunch, so bring one if that’s what you’d like or there’s places to buy food there but I’m not sure what they’re like so depends what GF will eat. Maybe go to supermarket in the AM and just get meal deals If that’s easier for you.

I thought I had covered all bases 😂 except the one where I sorted their lunch too 🙈

If I was invited along to a picnic I would bring stuff anyway, I think it's rude not to unless explicitly told otherwise. The fact he ran to your mum about it when he's 25 not 15 is embarrassing.

If you invited them along then yeah I would have expected you to have the food, it's not a massive deal though, not sure why they can't just buy a sandwich or whatever now that ship has sailed. Odd for your mother to be dragged into it too

@Phormiumjester

Who feels stupid bringing food to eat with their own sister? That's really strange.

It's hardly a picnic at the regatta- I'd grab a meal deal and think nothing of it if you'd asked me along.

Yes, that's pretty weird. Why would he 'feel stupid'? Did he imagine you and the children were going to be unpacking some elaborate set of Wind in the Willows-type confections from a hamper onto a snowy cloth, while he and his girlfriend gnawed dispiritedly on a Gregg's sausage roll on an adjacent bench?

YANBU - Like some PPs have said, I'd have expected brother and his girlfriend to bring food then everyone share. Think it's ridiculous of your Mum to call you up and say you're being mean!