Picnic-Gate

[ImStayingInside]

🙃 Planned a day out tomorrow for me, DH, DD1 11 & DD2 8 weeks. Just a trip to a nice park with a small picnic lunch.
My brother (25) asked if him and his new girlfriend could visit to see DD2, because we already had plans I asked them to join us on our day out. They said yes.
I text my brother this morning to say because the weather looks dry the plans were still on and we had ordered some snacks in our click and collect shop for a picnic and that him and his girlfriend could either bring a picnic as well, get a meal deal from the supermarket on the way or buy hot food from the park, but I wasn’t sure what was available because his girlfriend is quite fussy.
He text me back hours later asking could they not just have some of our picnic as he would feel stupid bringing their own food if we were eating a picnic.
We had already collected our shop by then, only scotch eggs, pork pies and other snacky bits, so not exactly a very luxurious picnic, but only enough for myself, DH & DD1.

My mum has since called to tell me I am mean for not providing their lunch as I invited them.
She said that she would never invite anyone out if she planned on taking a picnic without including them. I just didn’t even think, I assumed they’d be ok just bringing their own food. I mentioned that his gf is quite fussy so I don’t think she would eat what we like and my mum said we could have just made something else for her to eat.

AIBU?

YABU - you invited them so should have bought enough food to include them in the picnic - even if it meant changing what we were having to accommodate his girlfriend.

YANBU - they are 25 and old enough to provide their own lunch on a day out and mum should stay out of it.

But you didn't invite them

You said he asked if they could come too.

Tell your mum to step back and realise that her baby boy invited himself and can feed himself and his fussy eating gf.

@BloodyForeland this must be what he is expecting us to have 😂🙃 he will be very surprised when we whip out our Tesco bag of snacks wrapped in tin foil 🙈

Next time I’ll just do meal deals for everyone. Can’t beat them from Morrisons.

I think you knew they were a bit odd and not likely to bring any food, as otherwise you wouldn’t have felt the need to send such a long spoonfeedy message. Normally adults wouldn’t need to be told they could choose to bring a meal deal etx

Your message sounds very reasonable. You had plans, you said they could join and you’ve explained clearly re food. Your mum should stay out of it.
Usually with a picnic I’d expect people to contribute items and share. It’s more like a packed lunch on a bench in this weather rather than a spread it all on a blanket type lunch. You could make a few sandwiches to pad it out but odds are she won’t like it so will need to get her own lunch.

YABU for not offering to include them in your food order because you did invite them, but YANBU for not bending over backwards to accommodate your brother and his girlfriend.

I have to take packed lunch anywhere we go as a family for my daughters because one is fussy and the other would cost me a fortune and any time we've invited extras like my mum I always add the equivalent of a lunch portion for them too just in case. I don't stand on ceremony with my family, but I'd hate for them to be sitting there wishing they had a soggy ham and tomato sandwich to tuck into too.

@Dixiechickonhols am I just tricking myself calling it a picnic? 🙈 It is 100% a packed lunch on a bench … 😂😂

Don’t know if it’s a cultural thing for us. But on visiting a newborn, we never expect the host ie new parents to provide food for us. We usually go laden with gifts and food ourselves.

Would your mother expect your brother or provide you with a picnic the other way round? Technically your brother invited himself, you agreed that he could join in with your plans. What’s embarrassing about bringing your own lunch?

Your brother sounds lazy and entitled going running to mummy that you won’t provide him with a sandwich he could bring himself.

YANBU

I would have probably bought enough food for them, if they were visiting you at your house you would not have expected them to bring along anything.

However, I never fail to be amazed by adult fussy eaters. Unless GF is vegan, has food allergies or intolerances etc. I would not ever change my meal plan to accommodate a fussy eater. She is an adult and should suck it up. My DS2 used to be a fussy eater but he knew if he was invited to a friends house for tea he was to eat anything put in front of him without complaint. It’s bad enough dealing with fussy children let alone adults.

Can't get past your mum getting involved.

He's 25 years old and needs his lunch packing for him? Does your mum still wipe botty after a poo-poo too?

Jesus. Whenever I go for a picnic, I never go empty handed. Whenever I've invited friends, we've agreed beforehand (even loosely) what we're bringing - I'll take sandwiches and Crisps, friend will bring the drinks and cups. Or whatever.

He's being a man child and your mum in enabling him.

Your Brother asks to join you on your family day out and expects you to cater for him and new girl friend?

Brother goes running to Mother to tell tales?

He is old enough to provide his own picnic food.

Not knocking a packed lunch on a bench (you’re brave in this weather!) just I wonder if something lost in translation and brother has panicked and thought I have no idea how to do a picnic basket so I’ll just ask to share sisters. When in reality it’s half a pork pie, few crisps and a cheese sandwich in foil and poor gf is sat there hungry as she won’t eat that.

I don't think that you actually invited them tbh.

You said you had plans & would they like to join in-presumably you were all going to meet up there?

That to me means cater for yourself.

"as he would feel stupid bringing their own food if we were eating a picnic." -what does that mean??

Isn't bringing your own food the definition of a picnic?

@SamphiretheStickerist

But you didn't invite them

You said he asked if they could come too.

Tell your mum to step back and realise that her baby boy invited himself and can feed himself and his fussy eating gf.

The op said that her brother said he wanted to see her new baby and because they were going out the op asked them to join us on our day out. I'd say that an invite.

Personally if I'd asked someone to join me, I'd get some food, but this is her brother so I don't see it matters to say bring a sandwich with you. If you can't say that to your sibling, who can you say it to? I think it's funny he told their mum, that's just what my siblings and I would do. 😂

I would have done it for all of them but if I were invited I'd have offered to bring my own stuff anyway. It's ridiculous that your mum is now getting involved.

It falls between the two doesn't it? He asked, OP had plans.

Either way, he's being pathetic

@frazzledasarock as he lives at home, if he invited us somewhere I would expect my mum would make his lunch and offer us some, but we would probably decline and make our own. So maybe I should have offered before we wen to collect our order, but I didn’t think it would be an issue!

@thistimelastweek she was adamant that whenever she went out with her sisters they wouldn’t leave her out of their lunch 🤷🏻‍♀️ Oh I don’t know.

It’ll all be sorted anyway, I have asked him if he wants me to get them something from the shop this evening or if he would rather just bring something for themselves, but he hasn’t replied yet.

She's being unreasonable. Take a barbecue for example. Who would ever go to a summer barbecue empty handed? I always bring a bottle of wine and a few burgers and other bits. Surely a picnic would be the same (not wine and burgers obviously - but picnic things).

All this over a few scotch eggs and bags of crisps? Blimey.

It's just another example of a man child opting out of being responsible for feeding himself (and his girlfriend) and subcontracting anything that requires any effort on his part, out to the nearest female, which in this case happens to be you. He is a lazy fucker who has obviously been completely indulged by your mother, so that there is now another feeble and entitled male out in the world who will be looking for a female mate who will continue to baby him. Pathetic, I blame the parents.

He definitely needs disabusing of it’s stupid to bring own food - in most social situations bringing a food gift to share is done thing. I think he thought you were planning on sitting there with wicker hamper, plates & glasses and fold up chairs and him and gf sat on bench eating their meal deal. Hopefully you’ll have a good laugh about it tomorrow.

Hang on - this brother is 25 and your mum would make him a packed lunch to take to a park?

Does she pack his water pistol too? And remind him to be careful on the swings?

@Dixiechickonhols I think this is what has happened! I just hope it doesn’t put a dampener on tomorrow - and that’s before it rains on our packed lunch on a bench 😂🙃

He is definitely a man child!

I think what you suggested is absolutely fine.

You didn't specifically invite him. He wanted to visit so you said he could join in your existing plans. At age 25 I'd have thought he might not want to stay as long as you do at a park.

Whenever I meet friends like that we generally all bring our own food and do a bit of sharing too.

Is he expecting you to provide his transport too?