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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Picnic-Gate

216 replies

ImStayingInside · 24/02/2022 15:48

🙃 Planned a day out tomorrow for me, DH, DD1 11 & DD2 8 weeks. Just a trip to a nice park with a small picnic lunch.
My brother (25) asked if him and his new girlfriend could visit to see DD2, because we already had plans I asked them to join us on our day out. They said yes.
I text my brother this morning to say because the weather looks dry the plans were still on and we had ordered some snacks in our click and collect shop for a picnic and that him and his girlfriend could either bring a picnic as well, get a meal deal from the supermarket on the way or buy hot food from the park, but I wasn’t sure what was available because his girlfriend is quite fussy.
He text me back hours later asking could they not just have some of our picnic as he would feel stupid bringing their own food if we were eating a picnic.
We had already collected our shop by then, only scotch eggs, pork pies and other snacky bits, so not exactly a very luxurious picnic, but only enough for myself, DH & DD1.

My mum has since called to tell me I am mean for not providing their lunch as I invited them.
She said that she would never invite anyone out if she planned on taking a picnic without including them. I just didn’t even think, I assumed they’d be ok just bringing their own food. I mentioned that his gf is quite fussy so I don’t think she would eat what we like and my mum said we could have just made something else for her to eat.

AIBU?

YABU - you invited them so should have bought enough food to include them in the picnic - even if it meant changing what we were having to accommodate his girlfriend.

YANBU - they are 25 and old enough to provide their own lunch on a day out and mum should stay out of it.

OP posts:
MrsDeadpool · 25/02/2022 10:01

Several things here.

You made the terms of the invitation to join quite clear. So it was bring what you want to eat, or pick it up there. No ambiguity at all, and therefore no confusion or expectation about you catering for the two of them as well. Whether or not other posters think that was the polite or right thing to do, doesn’t matter - you were clear.

You DM is way too invested in this and there is NO justification for her telling you how to handle your own Saturday walk and snack.

Everyone involved in the discussion at your end seems to think that feeding people is a woman’s job. Please don’t fall into it, OP. Would your ‘D’ M be insisting you cater for your brother if you were a man?

Honestly, the two of them sound like such wet weeks if they can’t organise a snack lunch for themselves without turning your kind invitation to meet up into such a massive performance. Don’t pander to it!

Dixiechickonhols · 25/02/2022 10:03

Op said there’s a garden, glasshouse and maybe Manor House is open. Plus it’s a drive away. So arrive 10.30. Walk around - glasshouse will be warm, might be somewhere to get coffee, lunch on bench 12/12.30 then home. It’s 9 degrees and not raining here today I’d sit on a bench for a packed lunch. Sounds a nice day out - 8 week old won’t care where she is.

Gabbiadini · 25/02/2022 10:46

@Dixiechickonhols

Op said there’s a garden, glasshouse and maybe Manor House is open. Plus it’s a drive away. So arrive 10.30. Walk around - glasshouse will be warm, might be somewhere to get coffee, lunch on bench 12/12.30 then home. It’s 9 degrees and not raining here today I’d sit on a bench for a packed lunch. Sounds a nice day out - 8 week old won’t care where she is.
I missed this bit. That makes sense.
JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 25/02/2022 12:10

But you didn't invite your brother... he wanted to visit, you already had plans and said join us if you want.

You're the one with the brand new baby... he's the one with the picky GF. He should be running around getting lunch for YOU!

You've done nothing wrong. And what's his nonsense about him feeling silly bringing food to a park? He's happy for you to bring food to a park!

I'm on your side OP. And very jealous you live somewhere that going outside for more than 5 minutes is an option.

Beachbabe1 · 25/02/2022 12:16

This is quote odd to me. I would bring my own food to a picnic! I wouldnt turn up expecting to be fed! Its not like you're hosting a party!

WouldIwasShookspeared · 25/02/2022 12:23

I'd have said to him I've bought X, X, X and X . You're welcome to share but if it's not what you like there's shops / vans nearby.

ChimChimeny · 25/02/2022 12:50

All the angst over a picnic/lunch on a bench in February! We're on half term, had two days out which included eating lunch outside Shock and it was snowing/hailing/raining and windy yesterday but luckily we found a bench under cover.

Hope you've enjoyed your morning out today OP

Phormiumjester · 25/02/2022 12:54

I know. All this talk of hosting! It's a walk in a oak with your brother and a pram.

The Hyacinths are strong this week.

irregularegular · 25/02/2022 12:57

You didn't really invite him to a picnic with you though. He just asked if he could pop round and you already had plans but suggested he could come along too. All very last minute and informal. So I think it was fine to suggest he bring his own food.

But if he is being a pain about it I would suggest a cup of tea back home afterwards instead!

ThinWomansBrain · 25/02/2022 12:59

think I'd have ust cut stuff up and got on with it - does it really matter if you have a chole scotch egg or 3/4 of one?

Arabellla · 25/02/2022 15:17

@Beachbabe1

This is quote odd to me. I would bring my own food to a picnic! I wouldnt turn up expecting to be fed! Its not like you're hosting a party!
Just another way a man guilts a woman into doing things for him, by pretending he would feel silly eating a sandwich.
quitefranklyabsurd · 25/02/2022 16:45

You didn’t invite them though. He said could he come over you said no these are our plans and you can join us but will need to bring your own food!

Gosh he sounds like hard work. Also I love that he had to involve your mum!

Your not being unreasonable you were managing expectations.

quitefranklyabsurd · 25/02/2022 16:50

Next time use the word packed lunch! Not a picnic - no sharing!

BigDaddio · 25/02/2022 19:28

OP Don'tworry about it .... you did nothing wrong imo ! Your Mum is just stirring. And speaking as a man who lived at home till I was 30 - even I would have not expected my Mum(my) to pack my lunch ! Quite capable of doing my own... but everyone is different !

GucciM · 25/02/2022 19:41

I'm sorry.. let me get this straight. You have an 8 week old baby and two grown up adults, one of which is family, is expecting you to provide their food at a picnic. This is ridiculous... if this was one of my siblings they would offer to bring us something so we didn't have the trouble as we had a small baby, or at least say to not worry about them they would sort themselves out unless I specifically said I was packing them picnic too.
Tell them to stop being so precious!!

Desmondo2021 · 25/02/2022 19:50

Goodness me, the things some families can fall out over is baffling. Just tell him to stop being a dick and to sort out their own food.

Cardiffwales · 25/02/2022 19:50

8 week old baby?! I think they should be bringing food definitely and looking after you!

YorkshireLass2012 · 25/02/2022 19:55

I suppose it depends on how you phrased the invitation OP. But also, I would not expect a new Mum adjusting to a new routine with an 8 week old baby to go to the trouble of providing me with food if I was asked to join in on an already organised picnic. And certainly I wouldn’t expect a new Mum yo run around trying to accommodate my fussy partner!

Tigger1895 · 25/02/2022 19:58

You did invite so should include them in the food, if they don’t like what you brought that’s not on you. I’m fussy but don’t expect others to order food based on what I’d eat. TBH, your brother is a git for complaining to your mum about it.

Sillyname63 · 25/02/2022 20:00

I would say you brother is a bit of a mummy boy if he went crying to your mum 😏 for God's sake it is a visit to see his new niece she is 8 weeks old why do him and your mum think you should cater for them. Why didn't she pack him a lunch box in his superman/spider man box with a little carton of milk and a chocolate bar😂

Vynalbob · 25/02/2022 20:05

If you're invited for a meal, you kind of expect a meal.... next dinner date (if I was single) I will go with some dry spaghetti, and a pound of mince to make my own spag bol... not sharing though.

Picnic, I'd not be too put out... but it kind of gives the impression you're guests aren't wanted even though you've invited them.

musicviking1 · 25/02/2022 20:05

I always take too much picnic food and when it's with family I normally share it around anyway so it wouldn't bother me to provide them with some food. However, I'd never turn up to a picnic without my own food expecting to be fed by others.

Yourcatisnotsorry · 25/02/2022 20:12

Yanbu picnic means bring some food. However I always over cater and on several occasions have fed people who turn up with nothing Confused

Dagnabit · 25/02/2022 20:20

Why is your mum getting involved anyway? Nosy and interfering much?!

Isaidnomorecrisps · 25/02/2022 20:20

I’d bring food to top up the picnic and enough for the two of us, without even thinking about it. Especially if you have a 3 month old baby - in fact I’d offer to bring more to help. Plus I take responsibility for any fussiness on our part - I get really p*ssed off when I’m expected to bend over backwards for others on something as simple as a picnic. And if you’d already planned it, certainly wouldn’t expect you to have to get more.