Picnic-Gate

[ImStayingInside]

🙃 Planned a day out tomorrow for me, DH, DD1 11 & DD2 8 weeks. Just a trip to a nice park with a small picnic lunch.
My brother (25) asked if him and his new girlfriend could visit to see DD2, because we already had plans I asked them to join us on our day out. They said yes.
I text my brother this morning to say because the weather looks dry the plans were still on and we had ordered some snacks in our click and collect shop for a picnic and that him and his girlfriend could either bring a picnic as well, get a meal deal from the supermarket on the way or buy hot food from the park, but I wasn’t sure what was available because his girlfriend is quite fussy.
He text me back hours later asking could they not just have some of our picnic as he would feel stupid bringing their own food if we were eating a picnic.
We had already collected our shop by then, only scotch eggs, pork pies and other snacky bits, so not exactly a very luxurious picnic, but only enough for myself, DH & DD1.

My mum has since called to tell me I am mean for not providing their lunch as I invited them.
She said that she would never invite anyone out if she planned on taking a picnic without including them. I just didn’t even think, I assumed they’d be ok just bringing their own food. I mentioned that his gf is quite fussy so I don’t think she would eat what we like and my mum said we could have just made something else for her to eat.

AIBU?

YABU - you invited them so should have bought enough food to include them in the picnic - even if it meant changing what we were having to accommodate his girlfriend.

YANBU - they are 25 and old enough to provide their own lunch on a day out and mum should stay out of it.

I think your mistake was describing a few snack foods as 'a picnic'.

A picnic sounds like something varied and plentiful that could easily be shared.

But your brother was being weird to 'feel weird' about bringing his own food. He sounds like a big baby, used to being coddled (who sees you as a pseudo-mum).

@Dixiechickonhols we bought chicken dippers especially for her as even DD1 doesn’t eat them and chips, but she didn’t like the chips cos they weren’t fries 🙈
Thoroughly devoured the chocolate cake we got for dessert though 😋

@Dixiechickonhols Although I am sure she also likes plain pizzas. So chicken, chocolate and cheese pizza.

I despaired reading the first page as so many people seemed to think it’s a woman’s job to get food for her adult brother and his adult girlfriend at a park FGS, but glad the sensible posters have arrived.

They are old enough to treat you now and again too OP, don’t get in the rut of being the one who feeds them all the time.

Disclaimer, I really like my brother’s girlfriend! I sound like a horrible bitch berating her fussiness, but from what I can gather in their relatively new relationship, they’ve been together since December, she’s a lovely girl.

I’m sure she would be much happier bringing her own food. My DD is fussy and much prefers to bring her own.
Hope you have a nice day together.

Your message was perfectly reasonable.

Your brother sounds like a moron, and your mother not much better to be calling her daughter who has a new baby, berating her for not providing food for her precious son.🙄

What an idiot.

She should be ashamed of herself contacting you over such a ridiculous matter, when you must be so busy.

I despaired reading the first page as so many people seemed to think it’s a woman’s job to get food for her adult brother and his adult girlfriend at a park FGS

Nobody has said "it is a woman's job".
I can't speak for others, but my thought process is if you are picking up snacks / food to eat in the park for 3 people, it is no more work / preparation to pick up the snacks / food for 5 people. Regardless of if you are a man or a woman. So therefore that is what I would have done - just got a bigger pack or and extra option - rather than sending one of the other people out to get something separately.

I can't speak for others, but my thought process is if you are picking up snacks / food to eat in the park for 3 people, it is no more work / preparation to pick up the snacks / food for 5 people.

But OP had already picked the food up. Her brother didn't fancy doing it himself.

He text me back hours later asking could they not just have some of our picnic as he would feel stupid bringing their own food if we were eating a picnic. We had already collected our shop by then, only scotch eggs, pork pies and other snacky bits, so not exactly a very luxurious picnic, but only enough for myself, DH & DD1.

YANBU

Invite someone to your house, and then you feed them. (Although they should still bring a food offering for etiquette)

Invite someone out and you all feed yourselves. If I had to provide food for someone every time I invited someone for a day out with me I would probably be bankrupt. It's great to bring little extras in case others fancy some of yours, but I would not expect to have to provide a picnic / meal out for capable adults who are having a day out with me.

YANBU to ask him to bring his own food but
YABU for calling her his 'new' girlfriend if you also say you've hosted them a few times already. How long does he have to be with her before she isn't his 'new' girlfriend anymore?! (Misses point)

@Chocolatehamper

YANBU to ask him to bring his own food but YABU for calling her his 'new' girlfriend if you also say you've hosted them a few times already. How long does he have to be with her before she isn't his 'new' girlfriend anymore?! (Misses point)

As you say, it’s missing the point - so why the derail?

Fuck me that's a lot of drama for a scotch egg
You are gonna be freezing by lunch anyways if you're leaving at 9am weird

Christ it’s making me shiver just thinking about going for a picnic tomorrow. Make sure you take a flask of hot soup at least.

IME if different households are meeting for a picnic, we’d take our own food and share it out between us. If someone suggested meeting for a picnic, I’d never expect that they’d be catering for us but then I’m not a 25 year old mummy’s boy .

I’d be more annoyed at your Mum for humouring him OP.

@Chocolatehamper I’d say a 2 month relationship was still quite new 🤷🏻‍♀️
This would be our 3rd time of meeting, once was briefly through the car window when she was picking my brother up late December, once last month when she joined him at my house for tea and tomorrow.
I’d say she’s still new for a few months yet, it’s not as if they’ve been together for years …

[quote ImStayingInside]@dancingthroughthedark when they come to our house we usually change our meal plan to make sure it’s something she likes to eat. I thought I was making it easier for all of us to just sort ourselves out 🙈

I have offered to go and pick some more food up this evening if so all is not lost, but I just assumed they would rather pick their own.[/quote]
If she's only been to yours once, why then do you 'usually' change your meal plan?!

@Chocolatehamper he apparently has a type 🙃 which appears to be fussy eaters!

If she's only been to yours once, why then do you 'usually' change your meal plan?!

Why are you picking this to bits?

This is madness. Why on earth would the OP bring food for them when at least one of them is fussy, they are grown adults, he doesn't answer questions for hours when asked and the OP has already done her shopping?

Oh and she has a newborn and her own house so is probably busier than a childfree young man who still lives with his DM.

There seems to be even more useless men incapable of basic adulting on here right now. Let them make their own food or get a meal deal from a supermarket or whatever.

[quote ImStayingInside]@Chocolatehamper he apparently has a type 🙃 which appears to be fussy eaters![/quote]
Oh God, I'm raising one of those! Best of luck to him!!!

I think you're being really generous trying to accommodate her - I'd definitely tell him to bring his own food in that case, especially as he has form!! 😊

Lol Mumsnet goes a bit loony when "hosting" is involved. My favourite is when you go out for a meal with friends and if it's your idea you should pay as you invited them, or if you want to go out for your birthday, you need to pay as you're the "host".

Apparently you're still the host who should provide food even when your brother asks to come along to a packed lunch on a bench

@IamnotSethRogan

Lol Mumsnet goes a bit loony when "hosting" is involved. My favourite is when you go out for a meal with friends and if it's your idea you should pay as you invited them, or if you want to go out for your birthday, you need to pay as you're the "host".

Apparently you're still the host who should provide food even when your brother asks to come along to a packed lunch on a bench

I completely agree! The brother asked to come round on a particular day, the OP was busy on that day, but kindly said-you can join us where we’re going, if you fancy.

That doesn’t mean it suddenly becomes the OP’s responsibility to feed a couple in their twenties just because they asked to come!

I also can’t get over the brother feeling stupid bringing food! Goodness knows how he might cope taking sandwiches into work!

I’d call a gf of 2 months new and I think Op mentioned it as she knows she’s fussy but not sure exactly what she eats so easier to bring their own - the chicken dippers and chips prime example - op got special food in for tea bought the wrong sort of chips (not fries) so gf didn’t eat them. No point op rushing out and buying chicken if it’s the wrong sort. Or putting chicken in a sandwich with mayo if gf doesn’t eat bread, mayo etc.

@NYnewstart

Yanbu

But tbh I’m more focussed on what on earth you are going to do in a park from 9.30am till past lunch! - in winter!

Just been scrolling through waiting for someone else to say this. Unless it’s actually a theme park and not just a park with a couple of swings and a slide, everyone is going to be a bit bored by midday!