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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Picnic-Gate

216 replies

ImStayingInside · 24/02/2022 15:48

🙃 Planned a day out tomorrow for me, DH, DD1 11 & DD2 8 weeks. Just a trip to a nice park with a small picnic lunch.
My brother (25) asked if him and his new girlfriend could visit to see DD2, because we already had plans I asked them to join us on our day out. They said yes.
I text my brother this morning to say because the weather looks dry the plans were still on and we had ordered some snacks in our click and collect shop for a picnic and that him and his girlfriend could either bring a picnic as well, get a meal deal from the supermarket on the way or buy hot food from the park, but I wasn’t sure what was available because his girlfriend is quite fussy.
He text me back hours later asking could they not just have some of our picnic as he would feel stupid bringing their own food if we were eating a picnic.
We had already collected our shop by then, only scotch eggs, pork pies and other snacky bits, so not exactly a very luxurious picnic, but only enough for myself, DH & DD1.

My mum has since called to tell me I am mean for not providing their lunch as I invited them.
She said that she would never invite anyone out if she planned on taking a picnic without including them. I just didn’t even think, I assumed they’d be ok just bringing their own food. I mentioned that his gf is quite fussy so I don’t think she would eat what we like and my mum said we could have just made something else for her to eat.

AIBU?

YABU - you invited them so should have bought enough food to include them in the picnic - even if it meant changing what we were having to accommodate his girlfriend.

YANBU - they are 25 and old enough to provide their own lunch on a day out and mum should stay out of it.

OP posts:
LaughingCat · 25/02/2022 20:27

Wait a sec - you gave birth 8 weeks ago and your mum is moaning that you aren’t putting a good enough spread on for your bro? Harsh.

I voted YANBU because I would have given my mum one of my patented eyebrow raises at that. He’s 25 for pete’s sake, I’m pretty sure he could have grabbed a steak slice at a Gregg’s on the way 🙄

Jvg33 · 25/02/2022 20:28

Umm you have an 8 week old baby! Your family should be trying to help you and inviting you out to events and provide you with help and food. 25 year old with probably no children can get their own bloody sandwich.

Flickflak · 25/02/2022 21:01

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Ilovesandwiches · 25/02/2022 21:05

I think I’d have provided enough if I’d invited them but I really don’t think you’re unreasonable here, sounds like it’s just been made into a much bigger deal than it should have been

Supergirl1958 · 25/02/2022 21:09

You aren't being unreasonable. Today I bought all of our party tickets to the zoo, and the other party brought the picnic! It's just how we do things! Fancy your brother involving your mum in it! Pathetic for a grown man!!

Darbs76 · 25/02/2022 21:11

Why would they feel weird eating their own food if you’re eating a picnic? And if they want picnic why can’t they pick their own picnic bits up. You’ve got a young baby, maybe they could have said as you’re busy with the baby why don’t we supply the picnic. Can’t believe your mums saying that. All rude

Shona52 · 25/02/2022 21:15

I would have ordered food for my DB. Think it's strange that you didn't to be honest.

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 25/02/2022 21:19

I used to meet a friend for picnics.

We both had a dd and 3 ds's!!
Unwritten rule I brought savoury and she brought sweet.
Always worked for us!
Hope it went OK op.

lljkk · 25/02/2022 21:24

No update from OP?

Enjoying how OP keeps ignoring those of us baffled at the desire to lunch on a bench in this weather. + her ability to plan a long outing with an 8 week old.

zeg3885 · 25/02/2022 21:25

The appropriate thing for him to do would be “should I bring anything?” I thinks he’s BU! And your mam is treating him like a pathetic, incapable man! He clearly went to her expecting her to either solve it by getting him a picnic to take or telling u to. Not to add u have 2 children, one being a newborn leaving the house at any time is a bloody struggle! Do not give in, your teaching him it’s ok to be pathetic if u do.

PerseverancePays · 25/02/2022 21:41

If he's old enough to have a girlfriend and drive a car, he's old enough to buy a couple of sandwiches.
Ask your mother what kind of partner is she is raising him to be. The kind of man who helplessly stands in the kitchen, wistfully looking at cupboards and says 'what's for lunch?'

2ddandabump · 25/02/2022 21:44

YANBU - he's a grown man behaving like a spoilt child. I absolutely love a picnic, me and my friends get together with our children regularly in the summer months, we all take our own food, simple as that. Our picnics are always quite different as well, we all like different things, I wouldn't want someone else to make my picnic for me.

You hadn't offered him food, made that clear as you had already done the order. It's as simple as that, plus you have a young family to sort out as well. I'm sorry if they spoilt your nice family time.

Vanilli1978 · 25/02/2022 21:49

YANBU..in this case I would just cater for my own family, and the people i was meeting ..friends or family…would bring their own. I would probably try pick up something to share aswell..however would expect the other party to bring their own food. The people we meet up with at parks for picnics always bring their own.

smooshraspberry · 25/02/2022 22:04

I think it's weird that the brother didn't think it appropriate to bring his own contribution! I would never go to a picnic empty handed, ever. YANBU.

WiddlinDiddlin · 25/02/2022 22:06

So..

He asked, he wasn't invited over - he asked to come over.

You made it clear in your suggestion they join you for the thing you were already planning, that they should bring their own food.

It is not remotely weird to bring food to a picnic. If you'd said you were having lunch at the Ritz, come along and bring a Tesco Meal Deal, that would be weird... but picnic, bring stuff, not weird at all.

It would be wrong to invite them, and NOT say 'bring your own food' and then not supply food.

But I don't think YABU to turn their self-invite into a 'join us and bring some food you like' at all.

The polite thing for THEM to do would have been to ask 'can we come see you, we'll bring food/take you out'.. and then you say 'well we're going for a picnic' and then they say 'ok what shall we bring?'..

But clearly he's a CF!

lemondrop21 · 25/02/2022 22:56

You are in no way in the wrong op.

He's 25. Bring your own meal deal to the park ffs.
Not to mention you have a newborn... 🤦‍♀️

Bellie710 · 25/02/2022 23:31

Sorry but you have managed to get yourself out the house with an 8 week old baby and your brother thinks it is odd to meet his sister and bring food?

They wanted to meet your child and you gave them plenty of notice to get food, they are 100% unreasonable and should stop acting like 12 year olds!

Hownowhappycow · 26/02/2022 04:35

I think you should have included them when buying for the picnic. But you didn’t and now they’re being weird making such a big deal about it.

UsernameInTheTown · 26/02/2022 04:52

Is it a layby pic-nic? Loves me one of those. Tesco ham and cheese sandwich, can of coke and a nice cake. You've tempted me OP and we're having one today.

BarbaraofSeville · 26/02/2022 05:25

Yes, the OP should have got herself psychic abilities to predict that her DB would invite himself to theirs, be flummoxed at the idea of making or buying a sandwich and to identify precisely what a woman so fussy she refuses the wrong type of chips will eat.

Plus a time machine because all this took place after she had shopped for the picnic.

Or, revolutionary idea, he could grow up and sort his own food out.

BarbaraofSeville · 26/02/2022 05:25

That was for @Hownowhappycow

WhenSpringArrives · 26/02/2022 05:26

You gave them lots of options and told them they could buy food there or bring something. That's more than reasonable. If someone invited me for a picnic or bbq or anything like that I would ALWAYS take some food with me just to be polite if anything. Wonder if it's an age thing as they're 25? I can imagine my nephew and his girlfriend being the same and not bringing anything but expected everything to be provided.
But I don't see anything wrong with them just getting something from one of the stands at the park if they wanted? I don't think you've been unreasonable at all.

Shelby2010 · 26/02/2022 06:15

I think it’s partly to do with having kids - you’re much more aware about planning ahead for meal times. Also you get in the habit of taking snacks everywhere with you rather than relying on there being a burger van. At 25 I wouldn’t have thought to take a packed lunch for a walk in the park at most I’d have lobbed a chocolate bar in my bag.

However your brother’s response suggests he has never had to provide his own food. I bet if your list of ideas had included ‘ask Mum to make you a packed lunch’ then he would have done that without question.

PerditaPerdita · 26/02/2022 06:19

I wouldn't have dreamed of inviting them, then the day before texting that we've got food, you could buy some in the park or get some from a supermarket. It will have embarrassed him too - sorry but to me, that makes his family look strangely mean and uninviting.

I totally get why he felt put out, and why your mum was upset and intervening.

I think you should text him and say sorry and of course you've got enough for them. (Then if she doesn't like it she can get some park food.) And go out first thing to buy a few more bits.

It's a real pity as it's slightly over-shadowed the business of meeting DD.

I hope you sort it swiftly and enjoy the day.

bexollie · 26/02/2022 07:40

I have to say if the girlfriend is GF then she is not a picky eater but probably has to eat gluten free foods . We have a family member who is gluten free and any amount of gluten would make them very poorly with long lasting effects. However if this is the case then they should discuss their needs and makes the plans as to what foods they will have .
As far as mum getting involved surely it's not necessary its only a snack at a park and he's 25 if ages that bothered why doesn't she make his lunch