Picnic-Gate

[ImStayingInside]

🙃 Planned a day out tomorrow for me, DH, DD1 11 & DD2 8 weeks. Just a trip to a nice park with a small picnic lunch.
My brother (25) asked if him and his new girlfriend could visit to see DD2, because we already had plans I asked them to join us on our day out. They said yes.
I text my brother this morning to say because the weather looks dry the plans were still on and we had ordered some snacks in our click and collect shop for a picnic and that him and his girlfriend could either bring a picnic as well, get a meal deal from the supermarket on the way or buy hot food from the park, but I wasn’t sure what was available because his girlfriend is quite fussy.
He text me back hours later asking could they not just have some of our picnic as he would feel stupid bringing their own food if we were eating a picnic.
We had already collected our shop by then, only scotch eggs, pork pies and other snacky bits, so not exactly a very luxurious picnic, but only enough for myself, DH & DD1.

My mum has since called to tell me I am mean for not providing their lunch as I invited them.
She said that she would never invite anyone out if she planned on taking a picnic without including them. I just didn’t even think, I assumed they’d be ok just bringing their own food. I mentioned that his gf is quite fussy so I don’t think she would eat what we like and my mum said we could have just made something else for her to eat.

AIBU?

YABU - you invited them so should have bought enough food to include them in the picnic - even if it meant changing what we were having to accommodate his girlfriend.

YANBU - they are 25 and old enough to provide their own lunch on a day out and mum should stay out of it.

I would have got enough for everyone, but i would tell them what I intend to take and say if she didn’t like anything she would need to bring her own

If she has a genuine intolerance then fine, I would absolutely accommodate, if she is just fussy she brings her own

You made it clear they were to bring food, OP if there was any doubt about it.

Plus when someone has had a new baby you bring them food not expect them to wait on your needs like a giant 25 year old baby.

So he still lives at home? He’s expecting either you or your mum to run around after him? I pity this girlfriend as he’s going to expect the same from her.

If I was going to a picnic I’d pick up some extra bits to take along. It’s really not too hard.

I think its a mix up here. If I invited people on a picnic I would cater for them BUT if I knew that one of the people was a choosy eater, I'd say....you are welcome to share but I won't be upset if you'd rather bring your own.....and either way your mother should be keeping out of it. You are all grownups and don't need a parent to adjudicate

I've never been invited on a picnic where you were not expected to bring your own food, there is no mistake. Unless the host said "No need to bring anything." Plus the OP told them to bring their own food. Plus the OP has a newbown so all bets are off. There is no question that the default setting would never be that a mum of a newborn would be catering for a 25 year old manbaby and his fussypants girlfriend.

I think he got the wrong idea with the word picnic.

But it’s still casual and he sounds like a total drip for asking you to organise food for him and his ultra-fussy GF.

I’d put them off and suggest they pop round for a coffee another time.

OP, sorry I couldn't read your post as I was busy hitting my head against a wall and screaming 'Noooooooooooooooooooo' before falling on the floor and slowly ricking back and forth.

Perhaps you could invite your DB and DM on family holibobs to build bridges. Or a sleepover but tell them to bring their jimmyjams.

I would never turn up to a picnic empty handed - it’s always a case of bringing your the food that you like. A picnic is hardly a catered event! Your mum needs to back off - her boy doesn’t need his mummy defending him when he’s perfectly capable of going to the supermarket and getting some picnic items.

I’m very jealous of your picnic weather - it’s snowing here and blowing a gale!

Mmmmmh I am unsure here, but I think I would have ordered enough food for everyone, without asking them to bring their own. If it's something they don't like fair enough, I would just eat it myself the following day.

Yanbu. Your mum is stirring! I’m guessing she has a history of favouring your brother while nagging you? Well at least you’re not having a pub lunch, sounds like she’d expect you to pay for everyone 👀

We do a lot of family picnics. Everyone always brings food: enough for themselves and a dish or two to share with others. If I was in your situation I’d have said “We’ll get the bread and cheese can you bring salads and ham” or something like that.

Good luck tmrw! Maybe suddenly the weather will change…

You are both unreasonable, he's petty for not making his own and your also petty for not just bunging a few extra items in. I'm sure a few sandwiches and couple of packets of crisps and apples could have fed you all.

Ah well......at least when the GF is complaining in a few years about your useless brother, you can cheerfully direct her to your mother who created this man child.

And to me there is aMASSIVE difference between "We are going out for the day, would you like to join us?" and "Can I come over" "Sorry, we are going out but you can join us at X during the day if you want to". The former I would assume the role of host, the latter I would not.

Your mother is over involved is she not?

As quite a fussy eater myself and having a son who can only tolerate certain textures I just automatically pack food and snacks that are tolerated by us even if we are invited out to a picnic. I take a back up just in case my son won’t eat an option at someone’s house. I would probably pack enough for people I invited but also wouldn’t feel annoyed if someone said come to a picnic but you’ll need to bring your own. I’d prefer it tbh no offence to the host just I know my son can be quite distressed around new food and different eating surroundings and I hate anything with loads of mayo etc on. A cheese / ham sandwich, crisps, cake and juice is perfect for our family, maybe the odd sausage roll

I'd have brought enough for everyone, even if it's just bites. But if I was invited to a picnic, I'd 100% bring some food, most likely a treat like buns or crisps etc. i wouldn't turn up to anything empty handed, but I think I'd find it odd turning up and the host having no spare food either.

Is your brother normally so tight?

Why would he ‘feel stupid’ bringing his own food? Does he think other park users are going to gather around to watch like it’s feeding time at the zoo? Is Sky Picnic going to live stream the event?

I have an almost eerie feeling that ‘I’d feel stupid’ translates to ‘I thought I was getting a free lunch and now I’m pissed off’.

@frazzledasarock

Don’t know if it’s a cultural thing for us. But on visiting a newborn, we never expect the host ie new parents to provide food for us. We usually go laden with gifts and food ourselves.

Would your mother expect your brother or provide you with a picnic the other way round? Technically your brother invited himself, you agreed that he could join in with your plans. What’s embarrassing about bringing your own lunch?

Your brother sounds lazy and entitled going running to mummy that you won’t provide him with a sandwich he could bring himself.

YANBU

I'm completely with you. That's what normal people do (I'm British)

@LauraLoo91 I didn’t really consider myself a host, we’re just meeting in the park for a walk and will probably still be there over lunch time so will pack some lunch.
I just assumed, obviously in error, that they’d rather sort themselves out as I have only ever seen her eat plain chicken and chocolate. Chocolate we definitely have enough to share, but I’d be going out of my way to buy chicken for sandwiches that she still might not eat and wouldn’t be eaten at home by us either.

PMSL at the notion the OP is petty ... for taking an 8 week old and second DC out having already shopped for food for them then petty-ly decided not to go out again and cater for two adults, one of whom is a fussy eater. I need to rebase my pettiness standards to accommodate this new standard for being petty.

OP, can you blame your DM for any family use of picky bits and snacky bits so you are not 100% to blame for that monstrosity?

He also never replied when I offered to pick something up from the shop this evening, so he’s missed his chance. If he doesn’t bring anything he can have some crisps and chocolate (which we have plenty of) and buy him and his girlfriend something from one of the mobile vans at the park.

He sounds like mummy’s spoiled little prince who can’t possibly be expected to go and buy his lunch and wants you (his big sister who has a very young baby!) to organise and pay for it instead! I’d be ashamed if it was my son, but clearly your mum isn’t. What a shame!

@Zilla1 I will pretend it’s all her fault, but I do have some funny phrases that lots of people pick up on … I might just be broken 🤷🏻‍♀️

[quote ImStayingInside]@iklboo he lives at home, so will have mentioned that he has to go out and buy food for tomorrow. She likes nothing more than a guilt trip![/quote]
well that probably explains it.

he is not used to having to cater and is making a big deal out of it.

It really wasn't a big deal - are you joining us, ok bring some food as we'll be eating lunch. Simple, easy, sorted.

mountain and molehill. Your Mum shoudl have told him to go to the shop.
You have a newborn! Your job is not to cater to everyone.

Yanbu

But tbh I’m more focussed on what on earth you are going to do in a park from 9.30am till past lunch! - in winter!