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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Picnic-Gate

216 replies

ImStayingInside · 24/02/2022 15:48

🙃 Planned a day out tomorrow for me, DH, DD1 11 & DD2 8 weeks. Just a trip to a nice park with a small picnic lunch.
My brother (25) asked if him and his new girlfriend could visit to see DD2, because we already had plans I asked them to join us on our day out. They said yes.
I text my brother this morning to say because the weather looks dry the plans were still on and we had ordered some snacks in our click and collect shop for a picnic and that him and his girlfriend could either bring a picnic as well, get a meal deal from the supermarket on the way or buy hot food from the park, but I wasn’t sure what was available because his girlfriend is quite fussy.
He text me back hours later asking could they not just have some of our picnic as he would feel stupid bringing their own food if we were eating a picnic.
We had already collected our shop by then, only scotch eggs, pork pies and other snacky bits, so not exactly a very luxurious picnic, but only enough for myself, DH & DD1.

My mum has since called to tell me I am mean for not providing their lunch as I invited them.
She said that she would never invite anyone out if she planned on taking a picnic without including them. I just didn’t even think, I assumed they’d be ok just bringing their own food. I mentioned that his gf is quite fussy so I don’t think she would eat what we like and my mum said we could have just made something else for her to eat.

AIBU?

YABU - you invited them so should have bought enough food to include them in the picnic - even if it meant changing what we were having to accommodate his girlfriend.

YANBU - they are 25 and old enough to provide their own lunch on a day out and mum should stay out of it.

OP posts:
SayAgain · 26/02/2022 07:46

Christ on a bike, you have a newborn! When people come to see you (in or out of the house) the least they can do is not make themselves an active inconvenience or make extra work for you!

Granted, at 25 and without children I probably wouldn't have actively thought, "I should probably bring my own stuff so as not to inconvenience OP who will have her hands full enough," but I would definitely have brought things to contribute (not least so I knew there would be something I liked) and if I'd received the text you sent I would have been jolted into a bit more consideration and would never have been cheeky enough to reply or even think, "actually, can't I just have some of yours?"!!

Your brother is cheeky. Some (not all) of it being explainable as having a different picture of this 'picnic' and the irritating obliviousness of relative youth. Someone's going to need to lay down the law with him about invisible women work soon before he gets too entrenched in this idea that women will facilitate his life in ways he barely notices (much less appreciates), though.

Your mother is old and experienced enough to know better and should be telling your brother to sort himself and his girlfriend out rather than putting on you when you have a small baby. Jesus wept.

StargazerAli · 26/02/2022 08:41

I'd have provided enough food for everyone. I don't think it's enough of a problem to fall out over though and am sure your brother's capable enough to pop in to a shop en route!

007Stocko · 26/02/2022 08:46

Well for starters he invited himself, he called and asked if he could come round, at which point you explained your plans and said they were welcome to join you.

It certainly wasn't unreasonable to ask them to bring their own, and the fact you told them up front rather than when they arrived.

Your brother was unreasonable for asking you to supply it after you had already asked him to grab something himself, and very petty for him then to go crying to mommy - how old is he for goodness sake!

BarbaraofSeville · 26/02/2022 08:51

Are people genuinely saying that he may have not learned, at the age of 25, that he might get hungry around lunchtime and that he might need to think in advance about what food he might need at that point?

Surely not?

Howshouldibehave · 26/02/2022 08:53

@BarbaraofSeville

Are people genuinely saying that he may have not learned, at the age of 25, that he might get hungry around lunchtime and that he might need to think in advance about what food he might need at that point?

Surely not?

This!

How difficult would it have been for them to stop at the shop and buy two packets of sandwiches and a can of drink to bring with them?!

The mum should have laughed and told him to do this-sadly she seems to have raised a precious snowflake who needs looking after.

liveforsummer · 26/02/2022 09:19

People saying you invited him, you didn't really you already had plans he was not originally invited to and said he could come along if he wished when he asked to visit. Technically he invited himself. I do expect he thinks you have a proper fancy picnic packed rather than a few mini scotch eggs and some sausage rolls. It's absolutely fine to have said you've already bought your food so he'll need to pick some up in this circumstance. Odd that he thouhht it would be weirds too being a sandwich to a park when he knows other people there will be eating.

@bexollie where on earth did you get the impression girlfriend was gluten free?

Anyway how did it go OP. What did they bring (or not bring) does girlfriend like scotch eggs?

liveforsummer · 26/02/2022 09:21

@Hownowhappycow

I think you should have included them when buying for the picnic. But you didn’t and now they’re being weird making such a big deal about it.
How? When they'd ordered the picnic food before there was any suggestion DB was coming along
iklboo · 26/02/2022 09:28

@bexollie - it's unlikely the girlfriend is gluten free:

we bought chicken dippers especially for her as even DD1 doesn’t eat them and chips, but she didn’t like the chips cos they weren’t fries 🙈Thoroughly devoured the chocolate cake we got for dessert though

nannykatherine · 26/02/2022 11:02

He would feel stupid bringing his own food ??????
What’s wrong with him ????
Why do people make life so difficult !!!!!!!!!!

Mummadeze · 26/02/2022 11:27

Ridiculous and rude of your brother. Totally normal to bring your own food to a picnic in my circles.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 26/02/2022 12:11

@PerditaPerdita OP didn't invite him... he wanted to visit to see the baby, she said sorry we have plans... you can join us if you want, we're having a picnic in the park. Just bring what you want to eat, we've already got our food and there's only enough for us. Brother is a CF! OP has a newborn! Brother should be rocking up with food, cake, champagne and gift, not moaning he wants to be fed!

Bugbabe1970 · 26/02/2022 16:47

YANBU
You've got enough to do with 2 kids...they can pack their own picnic!

RachaelN · 27/02/2022 09:28

You've not long had a baby. Tell them to shut up, it's not that big of a deal. And to think they got your mum involved.. spoiled brats comes to mind

user1483808257 · 27/02/2022 11:45

You have an 8 week old daughter??

Anyone expecting anything from you (kids aside!) is being very unreasonable...let alone a 25 year old adult and his gf!!

cannockcandy · 28/02/2022 17:19

Sorry but whenever we all have a picnic and invite others they bring stuff of their own and we all share. If someone in the group was fussy then they would definitely be expected to bring their own snacks.

LoisLane66 · 01/03/2022 22:17

It's actually unbelievable that a 25yr old would whinge to his mummy and even more unbelievable that mummy would ring her married daughter to tell her off.
They, both mum and son, need to get a life and the g/f needs to be warned as to what lies ahead with this 5yr old pretending to be 25, when he's nothing of the sort. My sons would laugh at the very thought of acting like that.

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